Pregnancy After Stillbirth/Recurrent Miscarriage/Late Loss September 2009

Hi everyone!!

I was also hoping to join this thread too- i am 19 weeks pregnant with number four baby. I have two angels- Darren who we lost at 18 weeks (organ abnormailties), and Zahra who we lost at 36weeks to a placental abruption and one earth angel DS who is 18 months old.

I have been particiapting in the normal belly buddies thread- and that has been ok- but i had a couple of days there were a silly gp told me bubs hb was slow and i had two days til my morph scan and spent the whole time stressing and didnt feel comfortable really sharing that fear in there... i should have come right here- but i soldiered on, got to my scan and it was all ok thankfully! But the reminder of that stress has stayed with me and i think it might be time to join other ladies who have an idea of what i am going through.

I recognise some names in here, DS just woke up so i will go for now and pop back in later to say more xox

Hi Starbright...congratulations on your pregnancy! You're definately in the right place to share your fears hun...it's a long road...day by day...breath by breath if need be...great news about your scan...look forward to sharing the journey with you xxx

StarBright! Congratulations! It is great to "hear" from you. I am sorry that your GP added to your worry before your big scan. I hope that you are able to relax a little now that everything went well. I was strangely just thinking of you and a few of the other ladies that I have not chatted with in a long time.
I would love to post with a "normal" bellybuddies group with my next pregnancy but I have a hard time reading what some women with easy and worry free pregnancies write. I would also hate to give anyone extra fears with my posts. I post in the parenting after loss thread but it just isn’t the same. Right now I really don't fit into any forums.

Klee, your story and name are familiar to me. I think we were in this forum together before. Congratulations and welcome back.

dory, have fun staying home and relaxing. I have always had the same trouble with a ticker. Too afraid that I will have to turn it off too soon

beata, not long now! How have you been holding up?

AFM, it is time to start TTC again. I hate the two week wait. I am keeping my fingers crossed that this will be our month and at least the getting pregnant part will be over with. I can then stress about everything else.

Thanks girls..

Laney... i often do a stalk check on you to see how you are going!! :redface: I am sorry to read about your early chemical loss. Hopefully this month will be your month!! I know what you mean about not fitting in anywhere too- for some reason i always felt comfy in the preg thread- even before i was pregnant too- our whole ttc thread in my last pregnancy pretty much all moved to the preg thread before we were pregnant!! I think it brought us all luck too- so i hope it does the same to you!!

Sorry again for slack personals... i had a quick read through and sweet congrats to mrswpilgrim and dory for your bfps- it is long journey and i sincerly hope that it will be a successful one for everyone!!! A big :grouphug: to everyone for your losses.

"I just wanted to know how people coped with the worry that something will go wrong? "

That is the million dollar question- you dont and you just do. It is normal to be freaked out- and scared about things that "normal' pregnant women just dont blink an eye at- a perfect example is my stupid gp mentioning in passing the hb was a bit slow- "but dont worry" he said. Yeah freaking right i wont - thanks for that!!!!!
You learn to set milestones and get whatever reassurance you can or need- a good ob who allows you to have "crazy lady scans" (which are scans where the main purpose is just to show you that bubs is alive and kicking) is a godsend. And once you get further along- make friends with the midwives at the hospital- you can stop by the hospital anytime you are scared and request a ctg- which is a machine that measures bubs heart rate and movements. You dont get to "see" bubs- but it is still really reassuring to know if things are looking "normal"

And coming here- this site and this thread- its why people like klee and myself come back. Even though we both have babies (well little boys- they arnt babies anymore ;)) at home- we are still scared of the possibilty of something going wrong- and we surround ourselves with people who understand!!! :hug:

Speaking of little boys- mine wants to lay- so i am off...

Take care everyone speak soon xoxox

Good morning my beautiful pregnant mumma's!

Just popping in to give you all a bellyrub - I'm having withdrawals, I miss mine now... It seems yonks ago!

Special cuddles to Laney :hug: You're in my thoughts chick, hope this is your month too xx

We're all doing great at this end... Jackson is starting to smile :) Mind you, he makes you work for them the little ratbag! Have had a couple of unsettled nights after niave mummy thought we'd finally got a routine happening.. boy didn't he prove me wrong, was a shock to the old system let me tell ya. But we seem to have fallen back into the pattern again (the one I like!) I think perhaps he may be having a growth spurt - he's gonna be taller than me soon. :o

Hope the heat isn't being to unkind to you! mwah! xx

Teagz - awesome to hear from you. Thanks for the belly rub, it made me smile. Can't believe Jackson is 1 month old. He is looking so handsome. Glad to hear that you are mostly working your way through the sleep deprivation.

Welcome Laney and Starbright. I am relatively new to this particular thread too. Hope you get the support you are looking for.

Hi Ladies!

Starbright, I had to laugh at your crazy lady scans. I think I just might be the queen crazy lady when it comes to scans. On the final invoice from my OB I had close to 60 scans with Grayson! I had a growth scan every other week and then a biophysical profile scan once a week. I also had ctg's once or twice a week after 32 weeks. I didn't even have to ask for all of those scans my doctor just knew that I needed them. I really needed to see what was going on in there.
Have you been able to relax a little more with this pregnancy? I am so afraid that I am going to be a nervous wreck with my next pregnancy. I really don't have time to be such a crazy lady with a baby to take care of.


Teagz, I am glad that you and your little guy are getting into a routine. They do get much better with it as they get older. There are going to be those days and even weeks where the routine goes out the window.

Kat :) Your question about worry.. it never goes away. As for baby's h/b it can range quite healthily from 120 thru to 180 depends on whether bub is asleep or moving and the moment the Dr takes the reading. I have a doppler here and would listen for a few minutes with Daniel and it would vary so wildly but the experts reckon that a wide range is healthy whereas staying constant is not quite so good.
Congratulations .. I think I posted on FB as well?

Ellie you have another blessing on board :) I was so happy when I saw that the other week when I came back to lurk.

Laney you have been thru such a lot too and I hope this next BFP you get will be sticky and not disappear within a few weeks. That is so heartbreaking when you get your hopes up and reams reawakened only to have to say goodbye yet again.

ETA Klee :) hey hun, it's nice to be able to join you as well in the pg thread. Gosh has it been that long since I met you on the forum? Time seems to go so fast the older we get. And yeah I am now classified as a geriatric mum-to-be, forget the corect term but it is supposed to make you feel ancient. I still feel 18 in my mind though so who cares what my birth certificate says lol. My Drs have confirmed a few times though what a miracle it is for me to be pg this time esp as I was still breastfeeding Daniel ( who weaned himself 3 days after I got my BFP) and I had acute gastro followed by a week of acute mastitis and still got pg!

Dory I am so sorry for the loss of your baby boy Cash. Post mortems do often give an unknown result. We had clear reasons for Annabelle as my OB saw the cord wrapped twice around her neck with her arm thru a loop of it and the hypercoils in it causing it to kink and twist. But when she got to the autopsy of course she had no cord around her neck and the placenta and cord had straightened out once it was unlooped from her. Hopefully this time around your medical team will be more supportive and listen to your concerns.



I am joining here again too but not sure for how log.
Some of you know me from before so would know about my stillborn baby girl due cord entanglement and then the recurrent m/c ( over 8 in 3 yrs) before we finally had Daniel in our arms. He is now 10 1/2 mths old.
I turned 46 on Feb 3 and on Feb 2 I got 2 clear lines at 9dpo. I eventually summoned up the courage to go to the Dr at 19dpo and the beta was 1396. The 2nd one at 22dpo was 3158 and 25 dpo was 5332. So it isn't doubling but is still rising.
I had a scan at 25 dpo too as there was a concern that with spotting and pain I may have ectopic pg but the scan showed a clear corpus luteum on the left ovary, right ovary was fine, no other lumps or bumps or free fluid........ and 2 sacs in the uterus !
One she was able to measure at 5w3d with what looked like a forming fetal pole. The other was smaller with no discernible ring around it like the first one but as she said if it is twins it is 2-3 days behind the bigger sac so could still be forming.
I have another beta on Monday and a second progesterone draw. the first one was 35 at 22dpo.
So we either have twins or a vanishing twin or what the Dr doing the scan report said could be a pseudo ectopic sac although the sonographer said there was absolutely no sign of ectopic.

I have no morning sickness whereas even with chem pgs I have had I have had bad m/s by 4 1/2 weeks.
So I don't know.
The betas are sort of hopeful? the 2 sacs could be hopeful? or it could fall flat ...
I know you ladies would understand my concerns and worries better than others who have never experienced anything like this.

hugs and hope to you all and hopefully I'll catch up better with personals once I get reading more foten :)
Jude

Judy- dejavu or what??!!! What a miracle for you guys!! I really hope for you that things progress nicely- your right- your numbers arnt neccessarily doubling- but they are sure rising!!

Laney.... Thats exaclty it- when you do have a little one to look after- you do find that you just dont have the time to sit and ponder all the horrible what if's!! Yeah they do still go through your head- but then at the same time you have a beautiful constant reminder that things can go right sitting there in front of you wanting you to play and read to him and cuddle!!! It has defiantely helped this time around- and it sure does make the weeks fly by!!!!

I was doing really well i think until the dr scared me with the "slow hb" thing.. but then again i may have just been in denial and that was all it took for all the bad thoguhts that were lurking to surface to a full blown stress attack!! I had had two scans already- the 13 week one and one with the ob a week before my big scan ( i am a recovering scan addict.. trying to cut back on them this time!! :P) ) so in my heart i knew everything should be ok- it is just so easy to worry!! I have a low placenta at the front- so i may get another scan to check that it will rise high enough to be able to have another csection- and when i see the ob i will get scans, so this is the looong time of just waiting. And having the placenta at the front means not feeling alot of movement, which is always easy to do your head about- but it was reassuring to see her flipping and moving around during the scan and not feeling it- so i know just coz i dont feel it doesnt mean its not happening!!

Any way- i am off for now- Lil S is nearly due to wake up!!

Take care everyone and belly rubs to all!!

Ladies, I have been sitting in this forum for months just waiting for some conversation. It is really exciting to have you all back.

Judy, Welcome back. How exciting, two sacs. I really hope everything goes well for you. I will be keeping my figners crossed.
I had really bad MS with Parker and Shelby. I had no sickness at all with Grayson. I went to the doctor in tears thinking that I had lost him.
When is your next scan to check on growth?

Hi Laney :) I have another beta on Monday with progesterone as well and a scan for Friday when I should be 6w5d. We had a scan with Daniel at 6w2d which gave him a dating of 6w5d and a heartbeat so hopefully by Friday we should know more than we do now.
Grayson is gorgeous :) He would be just crawling now?

Oh Judy...don't forget to breathe hun...looking forward to hearing wonderful news xxx

Laney...I agree...wonderful to have some 'chat' in here again...been very quiet...yet here we are again...who would have thought...miracles miracles :)

Hi everyone!!

KLee.... How are you going darl? Its been a big week for you with Phoebe's 3rd Birthday just gone :hug: Let us know if you need to talk about anything xoxox How are you going with movements? Feeling mroe now? When is your next dr's appt?

Jude.... It will be a long wait to friday... hopefully mondays betas give you some good news to get you through!!

Ellie... I have an anterier placenta, they said it is not too low- but if anything they are a little bit worried it may be close to my csection scar , but they are hopefull that it will move up- it seems to be the way they go! She said depending how ob scans go and what he thinks i may need another scan closer to deliver date (bugger :p) just to check it has moved. You should be right- they will keep an eye on it for you!

So yeah- as i said darn anterior placentas do your head in!! I am starting to feel some definate movements now- but they are still not as regular as i would like. Last night was good though- i was feelings lots of wriggles- i was even half expecting to "see" something moving as i could feel her right at the top of my belly!! But not quite yet!!

Belly rubs to eveyone!!

AngelicDragon - Thankyou so much for thinking of me and writing such lovely words. Cash however is MrsPilwrgrim's darling angel. I hope she find your words as encouraging as I did.

My precious little ones, are -Amelia 21 weeks, 23 Feb 09, Nicholas, 14 weeks, 28 July 09 and Sophie 19 weeks, 30 August 09, oh and the wee little sprite July 08, 8 weeks.

It's good news about your BFP! I hope it goes smoothly for you. Your experiences give me some hope. DH and I are both hoping that this is a sticky pg and we end up holding our little bundle of joy in another 31 weeks time. It will be a bit weird if we get to hold a surviving baby after this pregnancy rather than one who is just too frail to survive. Wonderful and a dream come true, but just not part of our experiences yet.

I had almost no m/s for any of my previous pgs but have nausea quite intensely and most of the day for this pg. I think every pg is different, but for those of us with losses, we are hypervigilant for anything. That's not a bad thing, its just a reality. This current experience will always be compared to and analysed against our previous experiences, searching for any harbinger of doom. What else do we have?

Good luck with your next scan. Fingers crossed for you. If you do have twins, your Dr will most likely recommend that you rest more as twin pgs are more physically demanding of mums to be.

Laney - the queen of the scans. You go girl - whatever helped you get through.

AFM - sounds dumb but I just realised the chain of events which lead to the most amazing yet heartbreaking experience of my life - the birth of my first born, started about now this time last year. I had been focusing so much on the actual anniversary day, 23 Feb - Tuesday, that I had forgotten about the events leading up to it. It's a bit sobering really. Despite the dire predicament I was in, I was really hoping for a different outcome, but it wasn't to be.

I am still learning about everyone in here, so for the moment, know I am thinking of you, even if I haven't written a persie. Take care. One day closer.

dory, the anniversary days can be so hard. Take extra care this week and do something special to remember your little one. I don't remember if you have said, have your doctors found any cause for your losses?

StarBright, Just a couple more weeks and your belly will be moving all over the place. It sure does help calm the anxiety.

Judy, I will be keeping my fingers crossed for your scan on Friday. I think they found Grayson's HB at 6 weeks.
Yes, Grayson has been crawling for 3 weeks now. He doesn't need his mom nearly as much anymore. He only wants me when he is hungry, tired, or needs a new nappy :(

AFM, not too much going on here. I am on day 18 of a 33 day cycle. I have no idea when I ovulate so DH and I are going to be really busy this week.

Laney - thanks for asking. No reasons discovered yet for what the Ob now describes as extremely premature labours. The good news is after a raft of tests on me and some on DH, we know what isn't the problem. So in some ways that's good, but in some ways its hard because there is nothing to direct my energies on. I think in a way though it has contributed to my general acceptance of just taking the pg as it comes, rather than trying to control it, which I have learnt is fruitless anyway. It's not to say I just blithely accept what has happened. I have pursued lots of testing and asked many hard questions of the Obs treating me, and so far one formal second opinion, but all who I have seen all come to the same conclusion. For me, so far, there are no answers.

Grayson crawling - wow you'll be so busy now. My GF's each had boys about two months apart, and whilst they are now a bit older than Grayson, when they started to crawl it was busy. It's amazing that they manage to find the smallest leaves on the deck to jam in their mouth! Or get into just crazy places. Hope you are managing the shift in his priorities. He still needs you, it's just in slightly different ways now. He's just expanding his repetoire! But its amazing isn't it? Those sleepless nights feel like forever, and then all of a sudden he's crawling and you wonder where the time went and where your little baby went? I remember that's what it was like when my niece and nephew lived with us when they were wee babes. Those wee babes each now have their own wee babes!

Hi all,
I'm going to join you guys in here too, hope you dont mind

JLK - you are most welcome. I am sorry for the loss of your precious babies - Storm and Finn. Your tribute pages are beautiful . Hope you are travelling ok. I suppose also connecting the dots, that possibly if you are joining this forum congratluations are in order? I hope so.