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Dinky, you are so brave!
Hearing you talk about your situation & feelings really highlights to me what an emotional process this is.
We faced many challenges in our journey to concieve & the mixed emotions just never stop do they?
I would wish you luck but my heart tells me you don't need it.... you are a winner either way. I'll just wish you love then :)
What a ride this is!
CONGRATS LUCY!!! A BOY! :D
PS, Down Syndrome is Down Syndrome. There are no mild or severe cases, just like pregnancy is pregnancy (you can't be only mildly pregnant). However, the associated problems and developmental milestones can vary. 8-[
Dinky.......totally agree with Melody.....and your post totally echoes my own thoughts on how I felt when I was pg with Olivia.
I don't think you are being naive at all, and I think the fact that we can all made well considered choices re this issue is wonderful!
I don't think there are any "right or wrong" choices regarding testing.....it is such a personal choice depending on each couples situation and previous history.
Divvy, is it only 6 weeks to go? Boy, that has come round quick! I know you can't wait to meet your little one, so I wish you a speedy last few weeks, a painfree birth and a gorgeous introduction to your baby!
Woohoo Lucy, congratz on having a little boy! So glad everything is ok too.
There is nothing better than someones personal account of having an amniocentesis, but if anyone wants to find out a bit more about one there is some information that can now be found on the new BellyBelly site. Click amniocentesis to check it out.
Love
Congratulations Lucy! I am so glad it has all worked out for you.
That's great news Lucy,
I too had an amnio, with my 2nd bub, but we didn't have a long wait as htings turned up they were concerned about at the 19 wk scan and we had the proceedure done straight away, the worry was our options if our bub was terribly disabled were limited as there is a magic time when termination is not allowed, and other times when you have to have a funeral or yoiu don't (it was the worst time of our lives), Thankfully for us all was perfect with our ds, but it is a terrible thing to have to go through.
Congrats on your little boy too!
Cheers Michelle
My older sister had heavy bleeding throughout her second preg & at the 19 wk ultrasound noticed deformities, my sister having studied disabilities & worked with children for many years had decided that perhaps this was what God had wanted for them (they are not religious, but just thought this must be their life path). So decided not to act, but were asked to have the amnio, which she reluctantly had, her experience was not like Lucy's (but I won't go into that) the fluid was thick & brown, they were told immediately that babies organs were drowning & it would not live, so she was taken to hospital & induced prior to the 12 wk stage.
I felt awful as I had had Maddy a few months earlier & just had to be with her & visit her the morning after, there were hundreds of tears shed, she found it difficult to deal with having got rid of the baby, she has had a daughter since & was told she was deaf & had D/S, all untrue she is a perfectly, happy & healthy 4 yr old now!!!
I am having my U/S on Saturday basically to get my dates, I don't think I will follow up any testings no matter what the result of the scan, I just don't think I could personally decide the fate of an unborn baby...
Plus after trying so long & then our recent loss, I just think what's meant to be will be!!!
we discussed it and decided that if there was anything wrong, we would have the tests, but we still would have kept the baby if it was a bad result. we would have just had the tests so that we had time to prepare ourselves for what bubs life was going to be like and make any necessary plans for help, or adjustments to house and those sorts of things
We were the opposite and had decided that if things were very bad for our bub and there was proof of huge massive health probs we would terminate.
I think it is something you need to decide if and when it arises as the heartache caused by having this happen to you can't be understood until you've had to deal with it.
I respect others choices though and was annoyed at 1 workmate who was judging me about my decisions. A lady who worked with me though, who had a 35yr old spastic son said if she had known and had been given the option she wouldn't have had him as he is such a frustrated person, his life has been terribly difficult and not just for him but for his parents and siblings. His mother and father had retired but couldn't go anywhere as they had him to look after and the burden would eventually fall to the siblings when the parents died. Again I think it is such a personal choice , one that both parents need to be comfortable with, and when you are in the situation, counselling is available.
CHeers Michelle
Michelle, I agree the heartache must be enormous if you find yourself in that situation.
My DH and i decided not to have the amnio, as we wanted to keep our baby regardless. However the routine 19 wk scan showed a terminal heart defect where the left side of our baby's heart had not developed at all.
The specialists suggested there was nothing we could do and that termination was the "best thing".
We decided not to terminate him, and at the 32 wk scan the left side of his heart had been totally and miraculously healed.
He was born a month or so later, and suffered other life-threatening heart complications, but each one was overcome and today he's a beautiful healthy (and super-energetic) 2 yr old with a killer smile and way too much charm.
Please understand, I don't share that story to judge anyone, but rather to encourage and give hope.
Every time i look at Zeke, I see a little boy who may not have been in my life had we gone along with the recommended termination.
My story is much the same as Lucy, I was told at 13wks that my results had come back as a High Risk for DS. It is something you don't expect to hear .... & i was quite stunned & shocked as I had only just turned 34 (my b'day was that w/end) .... so thought everything would be fine. It was an extremely hard decision to have an Amnio test - did some research & found a few people that had had one done recently & felt a bit more confident in going ahead with the procedure. I ended up having the test done at 17.5wks at Melb. Ultrasound for Women & highly recommend going there.
Took 2 days off work to ensure recovery, stayed off my feet most of the time. Felt no after affects at all just a little bit discomfort on the first day. We opted for the FISH test & got the results the next day for DS - which were Normal !! ..... Cannot explain the relief we felt at that moment & with not having to go that step furthur with the big decision that was going to have to be made if the results turned out not normal.
We went ahead with the Amnio test because I could not go through the whole pregnancy not knowing if something was wrong - I would have been stressed out the whole time. I am glad we had the test, it has been a much happier time since that awful month.
The Amnio procedure was not as bad as I thought it would be - quite a quick procedure - just make sure you are comfortable & confident with the doctor doing it.
As mentioned before by others it is a personal choice what decision you make & is certainly not an easy one - was one of the hardest decisions DH & I had ever discussed.
SO glad things turned out so well for you misty, and there are always good and bad experiences, so how terrific for your family.
Rails, I too went to the Melbourne ultrasound clinic, did you see Professor DeCrepny? He was so good.
Hi Michelle,
Yes I did have Prof. DeCrepnigy he was very good. He was recommended to me by a friend that had him also - she has had the procedure done with both her children.
Thanks Lucy for your long posting. I have been searching the net for as much info on amnios as possible.
On monday my ultrasound results came back as a 1:4 risk and I went home and cried all afternoon and booked my amnio in without hesitation. The doctor then rang me 4 hours later and said that pathology had made a huge mistake with my blood test and I was really a 1:227 risk. I was so relieved, but was also surprised that I am still high risk and have been advised to have the amnio. So all week I have been trying to weigh the risks of miscarriage against downs. The risk of MC is actually higher than the downs, but then I guess I can start again if I lose my baby (I am 37), but a downs baby is for life.
I recently went to a baby shower and 9 out of 10 mothers said, why have the 12wk NTL scan, what kind of a monster would terminate a child simply because it has downs. I was the only silent one, but I have a lot of guilt regarding my outlook. A downs baby impacts on the whole family including the siblings and there is so much heartache involved once other complications such as heart disease set in. And if the baby lives well into it's 40's my husband and I are sure to be buried by then abandoning our child and taking away its love and support.
So I have opted for the amnio but am extremely worried and ashamed to tell my friends why I am doing it.
Anna [-o<
Hi Anna,
Welcome to Belly Belly, even though it is in nerve wracking circumstances! I am glad my post was of some help.
DON'T FEEL GUILTY!
Only YOU know what is the best approach for you & your family, & you must go on your own feelings. I truly believe there is no right or wrong choice in this matter....it is totally dependant on YOU. (Those women may be quick to judge, but will any of them be holding your hand for the next 40 years?):
I recently went to a baby shower and 9 out of 10 mothers said, why have the 12wk NTL scan, what kind of a monster would terminate a child simply because it has downs
I told a few friends about the amnio before hand, and they realised the implications, but I didn't go into any detail with any of them.....to this day no one knows what we would have actually done should we have had a Downs result, including me and my partner. The anmio is a test that will arm you with concrete results to make a subsequent decision, or to provide you, hopefully, with enourmous peace of mind.
I wish you every bit of luck Anna. When are you due? The Belly Belly forums are SO supportive and non-judgemental.....have a good look through the main site and the other forums, and let us know how you go?
Thanks to everyone for sharing their truly inspiring stories - it really does help to know that everyone else has the same worries and anxieties as the rest of us, and is very comforting to hear how other people deal with such difficult situations.
I haven't quite got to this stage yet - but I do have a question... I'm going for my first scan when I'm 12 weeks - I believe this will be a NT scan, but what is actually the difference, and is there another scan that I should have had before this NT scan?? Or do you have the 'normal' and the NT scan together at the same time??
I don't know where I would be without BB to answer all my questions!Thanks,
Bertie
Bertie,
The NT scan is generally done at 12 weeks and is a "normal scan" to check the babies size for dates/heartrate etc, but the main purpose is the measure the folds of skin/fluid at the back of a babies neck. This measurement can indicate a Downs risk. (But it is only a screening test).
You can request an earlier scan (not to do the NT measurements though)from about 8 weeks if you are really nervous.....most GP's/OB's will refer you for one if you have good reason. But it is not generally standard. From 8 weeks a scan can pick up the heartbeat, hence it is not done any earlier than this, so you need to be really sure of your dates.
At an early scan, some places offer a "trans-vaginal" scan instead of over the tummy, where they insert a probe into your vagina and get a look that way: it tends to be clearer and more detailed (although not very dignified!) at that early stage.
Hope that helps?