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Hello girls,
I've been away in Townsville and had a great time, but I'm not going to talk about me just yet as I wanted to attempt a bit of emotional triage to the girls in most need at the moment.
Frosty's Mum, I am heartbroken for you . I know what it felt like to get that far and I just can't imagine what you are going through. I hope it is easier to have passed the baby naturally and not have to have more medical intervention. I'm so sorry and thinking of you, as we all are.
Sammiejam, I think it will get easier but not having the answers you need to know about how and when the little embryo will pass through or be absorbed makes it hard to follow what's going on in your body and that feeling like you are not in control. It's also hard to celebrate having one and mourning another at the same time but you will find a place for both and be happy to move on in time. Good luck.
Neptune, you're right up there at the top of my list too. It doesn't take much to read between the lines and realise the things you are not saying and what you are going through with the turmoil at home. I agree with all that Grub said and have some experience with hoarders. Is he a hoarder in the psychological ocd sense or could he be a clutterer, who can actually change their ways with the right motivation without feeling threatened and lost? I'm trying to be positive but probably already know the answer, in which case, honey, you have a lot of work ahead and won't be able to live this way for too much longer, which I'm sure you know. So you love him but you are dealing with an illness and his actions are not rational so you won't solve it by moving one pile from here to there or getting a storage unit, you will just free up more space to fill again. I know a girl who is about to marry one of my family's oldest friends and she has never let him step foot inside any of the various houses she has and storage containers etc, but if he did he would need to beat a path through the plastic bags and boxes and they are buying a new place before they ever have to live together so it's not likely he'll see how she really lives and she will hold onto all she has in her stashes. I'm really feeling for you. we all have our skeletons and secrets but it is so nice that you felt you could share and let us at least try to offer some comfort,(especially while you are away from home). I've mentioned it before but I live with my DHs post traumatic stress disorder symptoms and that's all they are, symptoms. Psychological problems come on a continuum and they can be managed through finding the right balance and the commitment to work at it and be aware of it every day. It will always be part of our life, as your DHs hoarding ocd may be for you, but you can learn how to make it easier and help each other to find balance. Hoarders can be those people like Grub's auntie or my friend's fiance or they can be in loving relationships where they are supported and able to function. Your fights shouldn't be over him picking his stuff up, but about getting help for his problem. He has to be willing to accept that he needs help and then the healing can begin. I wish you all the very best and I'm so sorry to hear that you are struggling after all you have been through.
Hugs to all of you who feel yourself needing a bit of support at the moment. Chins up and bellies out! xoxo
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Hello girls
You have all made me feel better, thanks so much. I had tears reading all of your kind and heartfelt responses.
I am up and down really. Yesterday DH gave me yet another plan to get a nursery before bubs gets here. This plan is a desperate attempt to make room and is far far far from perfect. I started crying again and asked him why he gives me the perfect plan 8 months ago only to give nothing, then to hit with something that is far form ideal. This plan involves shuffling us out of our bedroom into one of the junk rooms, so we will be surrounded by computers and BBQ's! If he does what he says this time, the baby will have the best room of the house with no extra clutter, but it hasn't happened yet!
This is what always gets me; that I end up grateful for stupid plans like this, when I know I deserve so much more. He hits me with the sensible plan first, then does nothing, then gives me peanuts and I am grateful! But I can't see another way, so I have to just get on with it. I got into the room that we will have as out bedroom, and started on a few things so don't feel so 'stuck' in time. He says that we can get this temporary plan done, and then work on the other stuff once bubs is here. God, I hope so.....
I think it is an OCD problem Murph......even though his parents won't throw anything out either.....but DH is traumatised if you throw anything out and he just compulsively buys things of ebay and collects stuff of other's rubbish collections. The biggest challenge for me (especially studying psychology too) is that he does not admit he has a problem, thinks that he has a storage problem!!!!! So until he admits that he is in trouble, I can't convince him to get help. :rolleyes:
Everything else about our relationship is great and I love him so much, and he is so keen for this baby that I hope that has some motivation for him.
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Neptune,
I wanted to pop in and give you a big squishy cyber hug, Im so sad your in Sydney, or I would be around helping you over the next few weeks, I am known for my exceptional organisational skills, so I could have you sitting on the bed, while I worked around you. In face if you need any help, I can always come up and see you sweets. There is a relationship section on BB, where you could post, and you will get responses from the wider BB community, where I am sure you will find lots of support, and some stratagies to get you through the next few months xx
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Wouldlove :hug: thank you, and I know you mean it!
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Thinking of you beautiful ladies. You're all so strong and resilient. You are doing an amazing job, please don't forget that. And for what it's worth, we're always here for you when you need a release.
jenxx
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Hi Murph so glad you had a great time in Townsville, the weather looked beautiful and hot up there hope you had some r and r.
Neptune, you know you can speak to someone about it even if you DH isn't ready yet? I have spoken to many partners, parents, friends etc re all sorts of issues. It may not solve the issue but having someone to talk to and give you some strategies might help. :hug:
Jenc how you hanging in there? Thinking of you
Hope everyone is having a great sunday. I've got a yard full of pots, soil and plants! and a day off tomorrow I can't be any happier :D
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:hello:hello to all my beautifuls,
just popping in to say hi and im thinking of you all every day but just not getting a chance on the computer atm im still sick and it spins me out :rolleyes: but do have to say im feeling better each day still get the odd really bad day but apart from that hopefully easing a bit now also dh and i have been swimming every day this week and love it makes the world of difference,been doing a lot of spring cleaning,charlies room has slowly started.
well my friends take care and ill talk soon love smithy
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hi ladies just a me post today as im a little stressed.
got a call from the hospital on friday saying my bloods are very bad and to come in for more bloods which i did today and they think i may have hepatitis or my unborn bub has an infection so they have booked me in for a liver scan on wednesday and to see the consultant on thursday to discuss induction. I feel so grose as i dont do drugs, have never gotten a tattoo and I know i dont have hep b as i am immune so it could be A or C which are blood borne, I am in the health field and now am terrified ive exposed myself to infected blood. I am also annoyed as I had to ask to get extra testing done due to me still vomiting daily and my upper right abdomen pain and temps which was shrugged off as the flu. This should have been discovered earlier not 3 weeks before he is due.
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Oh, MHB. What a shock. I have all my everything crossed that it's not bad news. Thinking of you lots and lots. Please let us know as soon as you know anything.
I've had a rough day too. Had an ultrasound today and found out that twin 1 has quite severely reduced amniotic fluid, and twin 2's growth has slowed down and are now discordant. So, we'll just have to see what they decide to do.
Anyhow, ladies. My delicious hospital dinner has arrived, so need to turn off computer to use the tray!
Thinking of you all.
Jen
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MHB, you poor thing, you have had a shocker and you will be glad to have your little man here. I do hope everything is okay, fingers crossed.
Hey to everyone else, hope you all are hanging in there and baking up fat little bubs.
AFM: DH states that he will start on the moving stuff this weekend. I will believe it when i see it, but anyway I am assuming that he will and giving him the benefit of the doubt, and I have actually taken two whole carloads of stuff to the salvos which felt fantastic. I am determined to make the best of a bad situation. I do feel better, and need to concentrate on my psychology exam on Monday anyway.
As for bubs and me, overnight I have become very uncomfortable. i think he has moved and he feels as though he is across my tummy rather than up and down. Consequently, my abdo is hard as a rock and feels sore! It is difficult to get comfy, but maybe it's a growth spurt and it will all settle down. I have started to get a bit puffy too. But the most disgusting thing which no-one ever warned me about is sweaty hands and feet along with the puffiness. It is quite yucky!!!!!! Anyway, only 2.5 weeks of work left, then it won't matter too much once I'm home!
Ah, whinge whinge whinge......it's all good, it's all progress towards the cute little baby that eventuates! ;)
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Good afternoon girls!
MHB - you poor thing :hug: You've had such a rough trot. I hope its not Hepatitis for yours and the babies sake. Take care.
Jen - Hope they are able to give you some more news on your little ones. Hang in there and am thinking of you.
Neptune - I hope your hubby is true to his word this w/e and your able to start setting up a nursery.
:hello: to everyone else :D.
AFM, DP and I went away for the weekend to the country and I had a GREAT preggie massage so am feeling nice and relaxed and my back isnt aching as much! Im going for my diabetes test this Saturday. Not looking forward to it. I then see my OB next week to get the results then Im on fortnightly visits to him. Bubs is moving around more but not heaps. I love looking at my tummy when it moves to watch jumping around, hehe Im still sleeping reasonably well :dance: Finish work in 6 weeks this Friday so cant wait!!!!!
Take care girls,
Tania xx
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Hi all sorry been awol for a while, I am having a rough time with DS at the moment. He has turned into this diabolical child who runs around pushing all the other children over and hitting them, I am so embarrashed I left playgroup early. Wondering if I will ever go back. Hoping it is just a phase of readjusting. He keeps saying to his baby I hit you, I bite you. He has also told me he is not going to share mummy with the baby. What Am I going to do? i dont think I can cope with two. Oh well guess it is a bit late now. Oh for goodness sake just suck it up and get on with it, is what I would say if it were someone else so I guess I should take my own advise. Sorry for the rant. I guess we all have our different fears.
MHB so sorry for your troubles at the moment, hope everything gets sorted out. I can sympathise with the liver pain as I had a third of my liver removed before I had Campbell. I have been getting lots of pain lately maybe I should get this checked out. Some doctors are useless at reading pathology reports I once had a doctor tell me that i had hep B But it was actually that I was immune to hep B.
Jenc you are in the best place, hope you are doing ok.
Miss Magpie we too went away to the country for the weekend but it was far from relaxing DS was a pain in the rear end. He has one late night and it takes us all a week to recover. Sorry here I go complaining again.
On a brighter note I have been trying to find a catering company for my party in a few weeks so this is actually starting to get excited.
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:hug:MHB+JEN,
thinking of both you girls and hope things are ok today
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Saph sorry to hear about DS :hug: glad you shared.
MissMagpie, hmmm massage nice, only 6 weeks to go lucky you.
Neptune it is so good to vent.
JenC delicious hospital dinner? for real. :goodluck: my thoughts are with you and 1 & 2
MHB Hope it all works out ok.
Smithy Swimming daily sounds so nice.
Ok Greens winge time:
DF can't come to my 20 week scan! why because one of his mates is having 2 days off work cos it's his birthday! what's worse is his GF is pg too and he's having a day off for her scan. WHY CANT MY DF?????? I'm angry
My mum is also now 'busy' so inbetween working with my job I will take a flying 2 hour early lunch have my scan on my own and go back to work, then again ON MY OWN the OB on Wednesday! Really ajitated. He can take an RDO on friday to pick his brother up but not for my OB appointment :wall:
Ok happy note post winge. Mum is comming Monday :dance: someone is looking after me.
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Hi everyone
Murph: I hope you had a fab time catching up with your family. Just what the dr ordered for you.
MHB: I hope you get some good results and that nothing is wrong with you or bub.
Jen: I hope your little ones are playing better now and that they stay around cooking a bit longer.
Everyone else, I hope that you are all doing well.
AFM: DH had last 2 days off work so he took me out for lunch again yesterday. It is nice to have some time alone together. Had Ob appt today and bubs has already dropped... Ahh... we are only at 32 weeks on Friday although at least I now have some more room under my boobs so can breath a bit easier. Still haven't booked in our delivery date yet it will be done at my next appt in 2 weeks but I was told it will be in the week of the 12th October (38+ weeks) as he likes to delivery between the 38-39 week mark. Another mental hurdle will be reached on Friday which is that if bubs does decide to come early she will be able to be cared for at our local hospital and not have to be transferred to Melb for care. So after Friday the only remaining hurdle is for her to arrive safely. Oh, I think we have also decided on a name.. Yay it is my favourite name and DH likes it as well although we are keeping it a secret until she arrives.
Hope you are all doing well and that your little bundles are playing nicely for you all.
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:hug::hug::hug: all round, especially MHB, JenC, Neptune and you too Greenslw...ouch, so much thrown up at such a difficult time. I'm reading and will be back later to write properly. Just letting you know I'm thinking of you all. xoxo
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Just wanted to quickly get something off my chest. For all of us that apologise for venting, it's often the best thing and helps us to see things clearer, whether in the process we feel silly for over reacting or we actually start to support ourselves more. Even just writing it down on paper gets it out of your head and into a more concrete form where there is only one way traffic onto the page and not all the conflicting stuff that goes round in our heads. We can think about it from different angles but this way at least it's not all at once with the noise and confusion of everything else going on. talking on BB gives the opportunity to be given support and feed back and who cares if you feel a bit silly for getting it out there (no one knows you, but we do care about you).
It's the Saph posts and the Neptunes and Greenslw and all those ME posts that we say sorry for that keep us all so connected, looking at our lives and thinking about others. It's like Neptune said, you just get used to coping with your lot and accepting that's how things are but when given the perspective of outsiders you mightn't think it all looks so normal. I know people looking in on me seeing me coping and managing day to day with DH's (and my own) mental balancing act would think it's hard work and we should get help, but in my situation there's not much I can do except know the signs and support both of us to be healthy and he does the same too, he never milks his illness. To undo the trauma he has been through is to open a Pandora's box and life is too short to live in the past to fix things, so we work on the present and cope the best way we can without letting too much of the past haunt us. You can't block it completely and a buddhist monk once likened it to having to eat an enormous mountain of salt, sometimes you can add a teaspoon to water every now and then and reduce the size of the mountain. If we avoid it completely, the mountain will never get any smaller but sometimes he just has to drink some yucky salty water and that's okay because it's better than having no hope of it ever getting any smaller.
Maybe Neptune, your DH will take some salty water this weekend and he will need all of your support to help him get it down.
I really am meant to be working on my lab report so I will kick myself if I stay too long, but here is my very quick (yeah right!) run down of Townsville...yay, had a great time, my sis threw me a surprise baby shower at my Dad's who had a pig on a spit and mates and Victorian rellies drinking rum and playing silly baby party games in the bar by the pool. too cute to see your uncle, brother and father all playing games to win rattles and fairy cakes whilst drinking rum!! The little kids complained there were no games for them and the grown ups were having too much fun...aww come on, we couldn't p[lay baby bingo all night! Yeah so pretty cool. We got to watch our niece up from Vic playing in the national comp and she even got sin binned for showing a bit of spark:clap:All us family took up half the crowd and some were not as polite to the ref as you might imagine when our flesh and blood was sidelined :D the only downside to our time away was poor old DH had a bit of a setback but a few days at home with all things familiar and he is back on safe ground with the pups and me. we loved it though and it was mostly just what the doc ordered.
Okay, it's off my chest and now i can get back to work. I'm thinking of you all and JenC and MHB, hope its good news for you soon. Greenslw, you have a bit to work through and I'd be pretty upset too. Saph, ouch, some toddler training for you before this bub comes into the picture. Oh well there is still time. goodluck.xoxo
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hi lovely ladies, i'm going to do persies but i'm a fuzzy brained woman at the moment so forgive me if i miss anyone etc ox
murph - that is excellent about your tvle trip. sounds like the baby shower was a blast! my sister's best friend, who lives this way, has offered to host one for me... i wasn't expecting one at all so am super touch and super excited about it :) not sure if we'll have rum liek yours tho lol! and i agree about everyone feeling ok for the occassion "me rant'' ... we don't mind and if you need it, go right ahead.
mhb - i'm really sorry to hear you have hit yet another hurdle and it's so frustating the docs didn't pick it up. how are you going at the moment? thinking of you oxox
kellyD - yay for the name and for the time you've had with DH! and how exciting that its all coming to an end and you'll get to meet your baby soon !!! i'm super jealous! lol oxox
oh greenslw - that is terrible, i don't blame you for being cranky about it. I have to go to my appointments in oct/nov alone cos dh is away and we've no family here so i really understand how you feel... it's such a spesh time, you can feel very alone without that support... at least my DH has an excellent excuse tho! hope it all goes well and work is treating you okay.
oh saph - what a naughty little boy! but i suppose it's a pretty scary time for him with all the change that's coming but he must be picking that sort of stuff up from somewhere (ie another child or such). I hope you can figure out some way to help him through this time. Sorry don't have any suggestions with no experience in that area... maybe a post in the general forum might throw up something you will find helpful. I really feel for you love and sending you a hug oxoox
miss magpie - i have nothing nice to say to you lady! weekend away, preggy massage, finishing work soon, sleeping well pft pft pft you very spoilt woman - suppose you'd better lap it up while it lasts tho lol. serioulsy, good on you for enjoying this time, i think that's an important part of being preggy - to look beyond all the stuff that's happening to our body and just step back and smell the roses (which can be hard when you are trying not to vom, i suppose and then can't get back up from all that smell cos you no longer bend in the middle lol - still you get my drift right?)
hey neptune - hoping things do happen on the home tidy front. that's no good about the swelling, suppose the warm weather of late isn't helping too much either. but the 2.5weeks of work left sounds wonderful!!!! ;)
jen - what doing? have you overheard any good gossip while sitting there in hospy? figured out who is who and which nurses to avoid etc? lol. I hpoe you are taking care and not going stir crazy. What's the latest in terms of arrival times (sounds like you are a tarmac when i say that lol).
smithy- how's the ms going thesedays? hopefully its gone and you are well.
hey BOC - sorry don't know much about dates and such. we've only ever been changed once, by one day very early on (i suspect a miscalculation on the fertility nurse's part). Have you been able to ask any more questions about the whole shebang yet? but whoo ooo for the good heartbeat sounds!
sammiejam - how you coping lovely? hope it's all okay for you at the moment. did you have the other scan this week?? ox
bec - hope you are well enough to remove yourself from the office floor! has ms settled down sweetie?
shout out there to bella! and where's Two Mums gone to???
I know i missing out heaps of people but, well, you all know....
afm - not much to report. reflux has arrived; appetite has settled; grunting when moving on the rise; zits have arrived and have now employed my DH as my personal ''deforestation'' man due to all that lovely extra hair. He offers a great service, even did my kini area for free (it was a selfless act where he copped an eyeful and wore a very cheeky, crooked grin the entire time).
one question - i find i get really really painful crampy things across my lower belly. they feel like what i think a contraction would. i didn't think BH hurt so not sure if its them. they usually hit if i get up too fast or in an odd manner (ie when i kinda forget i'm pregs and jump out of the car/off my work chair like a bandit escaping a bank). Anyway, i got one cramp so bad as i got out of the car i dropped my shopping list - and all you preg ladies know that means i bought $100 worth of groceries and forget the 5 things i really needed to get! i think it's just muscles straining but today's took my breath away... anyone else getting this?
we're off to syd this weekend for a christening :) but not looking forward to the 2 hr car trip. ... Murph how did you go sitting down for the tvle trip?
oxoxo
