Pregnancy after Miscarriage or Loss Februrary 2010

Well I guess I will update in this thread as well.

Went for a scan at my Ob yesterday and was met by his ultrasound lady who also happens to be his wife! Have met her a couple of times before and so were comfortable with what she would tell us.

We were all prepared for the worst news, but it wasn't. Bub was there with a hb of 189 and measuring what it should. She found the source of the bleed which was nowhere near the implantation site which looked fined.

She said that hormones can get out of whack and if progesterone levels are too low then this can trigger like a period (not one obviously cause I'm pg) where the lining of the uterus which doesn't have the implantation is lost. Apparently this is how women get to 20 weeks not knowing they were pg as they kept getting periods. The pregnancy could progress as normal and I could just get some bleesing every couple of weeks (the timing fits as I am 8 weeks 1 day, so a period would have been due had I not been pg!)

The bleeding got heavier yesterday afternoon and was quite dark. It eased off later in the afternoon and stopped by the time I went to bed. This morning just a couple of brownish smears, but since coming back from the shops, some more bright red bleeding. Not nearly as much as yesterday or enough to reach a pad, but enough to freak me out everytime I go to the loo.

I was quite confident yesterday after leaving the ultrasound, but as the day wore on and the bleeding got worse I realised that bleeding like this can't possible have a happy ending. I was so confused when I left yesterday as I was ready to be told it was all over. I had accepted it. But to be told it hadn't gave us that little glimmer of hope that we didn't really want. I feel so bad for DH as he had such a good feeling about this pg and was so confident after we left yesterday, but I have been sharing too much info with him and have upset him.

You guys are the only ones who understand where I am coming from. I know he has been through the last 3 mc with me, but when it is happening in your body, it is different.

I know some ladies have success with getting progesterone up with vitex. Would it be too late to take it now do you think? I have my first "official" appointment tomorrow with the Ob and he will do another scan. I am not confident that he will see a viable foetus. I think I might let nature take its course with this one rather than elect to have a D&C as I did the last 3 times. I have a list of questions to ask him tomorrow and I want some answers as the info we get will determine if we try again or call it quits.

THank you all for listening and any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Kirsten

Sunbeam - I'm glad you had your friend with you :hug:

Kirsten - just sending you some hugs and good wishes for tomorrw :hug:

Littleones - congrats!!! :leap:

kirsten I will be thinking of you tomorrow hon. I think you will find that everything is ok, the other US showed a reason for the bleeding and you may find that you have it on and off as they told you. From those results I can't see why your pg wont be a healthy one. Stay positive :hug:

tashybaby I saw a poll somewhere on BB maybe in the general pregnancy thread? It is on when people first felt the bub kick and it looked like mainly around the 18-20 week mark but don't quote me on that cause I can't really remember, I only remember thinking "I've got aaaaages before feeling a kick" lol Oh I hope I get a DVD next week!

AFM I'm hormonal and tears have been flowing today :( not looking forward to a weekend away from DH :(

Kirsten - That sounds look pretty good results! Although I understand when you say you can't relax yet. Are you working? Can you just put your feet up and relax during the day (as boring as this is)

Cherished - I know how you feel, I work away all week and dont see DH. Weekends are so good for that reason, mind you, I find in the last month we've gotten all 'lovey dovey' lol

Tashybabe - i felt 'something' at 14 weeks but only when I was laying down adn really relaxed. at 17 weeks I knew i was feeling something and by 19weeks I could really feel movement but everyone is diffferent. I dont know how the anterior placenta works but a lady in my antenatal classes is a larger girl and she feels bub - even sees her belly move and I think she felt from 17weeks although the norm is 18-24.

Dory - 9weeks! thats great...I've watched your journey while I looked in on friends in the TTCAML thread and its great taht things are really going well for you

Sunbeam - poor words of comfort but as you said - thats is two out of three successes and you aren't giving up! Great attitude - I am so proud of you!! Hope to see you announce your bfp with your next IUI

Twin SIster - sometimes all you need is for the doc to say its ok...well at least until you get home and start thinking again lol...great news!

Hi to Sparkles, Elise, Karen Van and anyone else I have missed. I haven't gotten to this thread since it started and had SO much to catch up on!

AFM: 29weeks :o Don't know where the time has gone but, since some of you talk about it, I still check toilet paper...don't know why, probably just habit by now :)
Went to docs yesterday for u/s referral and he did general check up. Then he gave me the fright of my life. bubs heartbeat was at 182 which at this stage is classed as fetal distress so he was sending me to emergency department..checked it again, still at 180. then after 3 mins said "hop back up and lay on your side" that time bubs heartbeat was at 145...apparently laying on my back causes bub distress so I have been awake half the night trying not to roll onto my back lol.
DH says we will have to spoon so I don't roll over.
I think we are prepared now...have the pram, bassinet, cot, nappies and some clothes and two baby showers which should get me all the little fiddly bits. Starting to organsie my hospital bag :o that feels very weird to do!

:bellyrubs:

Hi everyone,

I'm here just plodding along, trying not to be a stess head, spotting on and off still (very tiny bits), will call Ob on monday and let him know and probably have a u/s before i see him next friday. Well i will be having u/s, i;ll make sure of that so i don't loose my mind.
Tina - i can't believe you're 29 weeks...crazy!!! that went so fast.
Kirsten - hope your appointment goes well.
Hi to everyone else xx

TinaR - thanks sweetie. I am so proud of you 29 weeks. And so organised. I know what you mean about packing your hossy bag - in fact I am already thinking about mine. I have a sneaking suspicion that I will be spending some time in hossy as the pg progresses, it's very weird to be thinking about that at 9 weeks, but better to be prepared. It's weird, DH and I have also agreed on a "reward" aka consolation prize if I go into hossy for an extended stay - we get a wii. Sorry that you got a scare. OMG, for those moments you must have been terrified. Spooning sounds good.... how many cm is your bump now?

Sparkles - make sure you have that u/s. Every little bit helps.

Kirsten - wow, what a roller coaster ride for you. It's weird how short lived the reassurance of the scan can be sometimes. Be strong and I hope your appointment goes well today. I have had expectant management for m/c ie wait and see) and have been lucky enough to avoid D&C's as a result. I don't have any info on vittex. I hope you get some information that gives you some peace.

Tashybabe - It varies for each woman and also each pregnancy, although it is expected that for subsequent pregnancies that you will feel the baby earlier. I think the average is from about 19 weeks. I am sure I have felt the "bubbles" and then more definite kicks earlier but it's hard to know.

Cherished1 - sorry to hear you're hormonal and lonely. Have you got anything you can do to take your mind off it? When DH goes away I always sleep on his side of the bed, as then i don't notice as much that he is not there. Seems to work for me.

Sunbeam - thinking of you sweetie. How are you doing today? I wish I could come and just give you a big hug and wait on you hand and foot. But a BIG cyber hug will have to do :)

Twin Sis - how you going today? i was doing some reading that said dizziness is common either because of low blood sugar/low blood pressure or because of the expanding blood cells and it takes some time for the body to adjust.

HPL - hiya. It's nice when someone is able to be positive.

Elise - how are you doing?

Karen Van - quiet? Are you busy?

AFM - felt miserable this morning, physically, not m/s, just like I was coming down with something, but have had a surge of the feel goods and am feeling the best I have all week. Might even venture out in to the big wide world. DH though told me he was suffering from a sore throat. Hopefully he kicks it quickly and doesn't share it! Had a wee cry yesterday. I built up the courage to call the hospital to book in and was told I was too early and had to wait til 12 weeks. For some reason after I ended the call, I just felt really sad. Oh well. I am used to inexplicable bouts of tears both from grief and pregnancy!

Take care.

Afternoon all, hope everyone is feeling ok today
Dory thanx for asking how im going. Im doing really well, just quite tired but thats to be expected. That must have been hard having them tell you you have to wait till 12 weeks. I probably would have had a little cry too. Hope your still feeling good :)
Sparkles good luck with your u/s on monday, im sure everything will be just fine. Its amazing how much a scan puts our mind at ease.
Tina wow how the time has flown, 29 weeks thats awesome. You sound very organised i sure hope i am when i get to that stage. Have fun packing your hosi bag. What a scare you must have got yesterday, im so glad that there was a reason for it and that everything is ok with little zen :)
Cherished sending you a HUGE big cyberhug. Sorry to hear that your emotional and hopefully the weekend flies by nice and quickly for you and DH is home before you know it.
Milly how are you doing?
Kirsten how are you today? Im thinking of you and praying that everything is ok
Tashybabe how did your ob appt go yesterday? I know what you mean about feeling bub move and feeling reassured. Its generally around 18 - 20 weeks but people have been known to feel flutters as early as 13 weeks so hopefully its not too far away :)
HPL how are you doing?
Sunbeam i hope your coping ok hun. You are such an amazingly strong woman and you deserve your little bub and i know you will get it very soon, thinking of you xoxo
Twinsis how are you feeling today? Ive had quite a lot of dizziness and some shaking too but not too sure what causes it. I have an appt with my doc next week and am going to ask her.
Littleones congratulations on the birth of little hayley, i hope your enjoying every minute(and i bet you are)
AFM feeling good, tired but good. Going to look at nursery furniture tomoro with my sister so very excited about that. Probably wont buy anything just yet but just getting some prices. Also get lots of cuddles with my little nephew so that will be good.
Take care

Hey ladies,

Just wanted to pop in to say sorry i've been quiet lately. I had another scan done this morning and it says that bubba is measuring 8weeks, EDD is now October 3rd and heartbeat was 160.

Hello Ladies,

Thank you all for being so wonderfull and asking after me. And a HUGE thank you to my RAKer. That made me feel so special and put a big smile on my face in a pretty tough week.

Littleones- :confetti: congratulations on Hayley's birth, can't wait to here all about it.

Kirsten- I would not bother with Vitex at this stage I would be requesting bt to check prog levels and getting pesseries if it is below 30. Sparkles this might be an idea for you too if low prog is causing your spotting.

Congratulations to all those reaching milestones whether its 8 weeks 9 weeks or 29 weeks its fantastic to see the TTCAMALers prgressing so well.

Big :hug: to all those feeling a bit hormonal.

AFM-I had appt. with my Ob/FS yesterday morning. The my hcg had only dropped another 300 (2000 to 1700). He did a scan and could see what might be a tiny sac so at 4pm yesterday I ended up having d&c so that if we could prove the sac was precnancy tissue then we could rule out ectopic totally. I am still waiting to hear from him today so fingers crossed it is otherwise I may still have to have a laparoscopy too! Emotionally I feel like I'm doing okay, the fact that there never was a little bub on the screen has made it a whole lot easier somehow. Also my Ob/FS is so lovely that he bulk billled me my whole appointment, the scan and the whole operation, what a sweetheart.

Sunbeam - good to hear you are getting through this tough time.

Bonham - good to hear from you.

Elise - good luck with the window shopping. It's pretty exciting huh? Embrace the moment.

Have a good a weekend as you can. Thinking of you and sending lots of cat hugs your way. I always find a good cat hug just soothes my soul.

Sunbeam : So glad to know you have a great support network with your. I am sorry again, it sounds like you have some wonderful people around you..

Kirsten: That's some good positive results from your appt... I know how frustrating it can be to think one thing but be told the complete opposite by the docs... Try and stay positive for you, yours DH and your baby... I have a good feeling about this.....

eliselouise85: I'm doing well, passed my last pg milestone 7wks 1day.. DF and I are really confident... To be honest ladies, if it weren't for my partner and his support I think I'd be a wreck

dory: my personality is usually bright and bubbly I am told, however after my MC i felt it took that part away from me, now I have to think about me, this baby and my DF.... Stay positive, healthy... Whatever is going to happen will, mother nature will take her course with all of us... I just pray and hope and know that all of us with be parents to heatlhy babies whether it be with this pregnancy or the next!!

Ladies I am sending each and everyone of you my Bubbliness and Positivines!!!!!!

:grouphug: :happyforyou: :bluedust::pink-babydust:

AFM: Ultrasound next Thursday, our first one with this pregnancy very excited!!!

This is just a quick note to update everybody on my appointment today.

Went in and usually for a first appointment they weigh you, do BP, dates etc, but when I told the midwife about the bleeding she said she would hold off on all of that until the Ob had done a scan (sort of figured that would happen). I was sure that it was all over. Had even made a list of things to do when I wasn't pregnant anymore (silly things like finish the bottle of COwboys in the fridge!)

Anyway, after a 45 minute wait we went in and told him what was going on. He had a note from the ultrasound lady (his wife) who had told me that the measurements were OK, but were actually showing 7w4d when we were actually 8w1d. So that just reinforced in my mind that it was not going to be a happy ending.

We went in and did a scan and the first thing he said was "there's a live baby". I started to cry. When I asked what it was measuring he checked and it was measuring 8w3d. Exactly where it should be! Either blobby has had a growth spurt in the last couple of days or the angle wasn't quite right when it was done on Wednesday. I broke down. I lost it. Started to sob and everything. He then looked around a found a little tear at the bottom of the placenta which is over my cervix and that was where the blood was coming from. He said there was still a lot of placenta attached to the wall and he was 87 to 90% certain we would get a healthy baby! He said since it had a growth spurt it indicated that there was little chance of a chromosomal abnormality, which I was worried about as I am 35 now and my little eggies are getting old!

He said that a couple of days of bed rest would be beneficial and might give the tear a chance to heal. I could also bleed for the next day or the next 5 months! As long as I get a healthy baby out of it I DON"T CARE how long I bleed for!

So I have a good book and a fantastic husband (who is VERY unimpressed that we can't DTD for 2 weeks after I stop bleeding- so he is hoping the bleeding stops real soon!) He is going to look after the kids and the house all weekend while I put my feet up (way up to get the pressure off my cervix) and send lots of positive vibes to my little blobby!

Have to go back in 10 days for another scan and see how everything is going, but hopefully the bleeding will stop and I can go back to a normal stress free pregnancy (if there is such a thing!)

Now I am going to go to bed and pass out. Being so worked up and worried for 2 days really does wear you out!

:bellyrubs: and :stickyvibesgirl: to all!

Kirsten

Kirsten i am so so so happy for you, that is the best news to come on here and see first thing. Have a lovely rest this weekend and nope no such thing as a stress free pregnancy after what weve all been through.

Yay Kirsten! I am SO SO SO SO SO happy to hear your good news. I even choked up a little for you. We all know how scary it is wen the bleeding starts and I am absolutely thrilled for you that your baby is a sticky one!!

Feeling a bit better these days. i read magnetic jewelery could help with nausea and I was willing to try anything and made two bracelets and a pendant out of magnetic hematite beads. Since I have been wearing them i have actually been feeling better. It could be complete coincidence but I won't take them off now just in case LOL I still get a bit nauseous if I'm too hungry but have been feeling better than i have in months! I hope it lasts!

I want to reply to all of your posts but I have so much housework to do I should really run, I just wanted to make sure everyone was well and that our bad news was turning good again. Talk to you all soon!

Kirsten - that is such good news! Well done. Remember to rest. My ob says there is no conclusive evidence to suggest that resting helps, but we both agree it seems logical to rest. If there is a tear, resting might give it the chance to repair, and as you said the emotional rollercoaster you've been on is totally draining. Even just having the opportunity to give yourself some time to recover emotionally, is a good thing.

That's why I have given up work, to rest as much as possible and give this pg every chance I can, both physically and emotionally. Thank god for income protection insurance. My claim hasn't been approved yet, but hopefully it will be, but even if its not, DH and I know we have made the right choice. Although DH said it was totally up to me.

Twinsis - I was feeling sorry for myself yesterday as the nausea just seemed to get on top of me, and I thought, OMG, I can't cope with this. So it's good to hear that you had some success with magnets! I don't care if its a coincidence, if you have some relief, than that's all that matters.

HPL - I am usually pretty up beat and positive too, so it is an adjustment for my own self concept to be on my pity potty. It's hard for me when I've only experienced successive losses, at different stages , to feel really positive. Obviously I feel hope, but its tinged by a fair bit of fear. I know that the idea of control is just an illusion and I can do things to give the pg the best opportunity but there are no guarantees. What will be will be. Sometimes I wish that I had a vodoo date to pass. I remember what that was like, and it's a pretty awesome feeling to have conquered it. Good to hear you have passed your voodoo date! Onwards and upwards for you!

It's inevtiable I feel down at the mo as it is the first of my "first annivesaries" for this year- on this date last year 21 Feb, I started to have the contractions that lead to the most amazing and heartbreaking moment of my life when my daughter Amelia was born on 23 Feb, just too frail to survive. I had been concentrating so much on 23 Feb I forgot until this afternoon of the events leading up to it, starting 21 Feb. Quite sobering really.

Thanks for the positive vibes, though, because they are good to get, and a reminder for me not to be so glum. Honestly, I am thankful and I feel blessed, for both my precious little ones and for this pg, it's just some days, I feel sad and lose my way a bit.

Dory: I'm dreading the 17th April to be honest with you, that is our EDD for our first baby, sadly it's my neices 4th bday as well, so i will be sad for our baby but happy for my neice

I'm not always up beat trust me on that, yesterday was an absolute shocker day, sorry to put a downer now on the thread....

My SIL i love dearly is 10 weeks pg, my Boss is 15 pg, another woman i use to be friends with is the same as me.... Now why am i not happy for these woman? Probably because all of them have never had a problem TTC, i feel so selfish and horrible that my first thought was to break down in tears, which i did.. I should feel happy that they have not had to go through what we all have, but i still felt sad..

I feel much better now of course, but am i allowed to feel frustrated, even just a little? I wish them all the luck and am happy for them now, but still feel like some woman have no problems and don't understand what a blessing and miracle it truly is to fall pg...

Ladies again, i wish everyone happiness i know sometimes we get down and pity ourselves, but we have each other and our familes to keep us level headed!!

til the next time....

I think we are entitled to get down sometimes. After what we have been through I think it is natural for us to grieve and mourn our loss, even if it did happen months or even years ago.

And as for other people being pregnant. I had my first mc 2 weeks after my sister was pregnant with her first. On Christmas Day she had the ultrasound pictures of her 12 week scan and was proudly showing them around. I couldn't look at her. I was so upset as it had only been 6 weeks since we had lost our own baby. After a couple of months I started to get over it and was really excited for her, but I was always reminded of what we had lost.

It is natural for us to feel a bit bitter towards those who seem to have it "easier" - easier to fall pregnant; easier more relaxed first trimester; easier pregnancy. But I would never wish for what I have been through on my worst enemy.

So grieve, cry, shout, scream if you have to. If it helps you to get through another day - do it!

Kirsten

HLP - oh sweetie. This journey is so tough, sometimes even when we think we've got a handle on it, something happens, and we realise we don't.

You don't have to feel happy for other people and their pg. It's ok not to be and don't beat yourself up if you don't feel happy and you have thoughts that make you feel uncomfortable. Given all you've been through, it's a normal reaction. Maybe in time it's something that will come to you, or maybe not. For some reason I don't tend to have those thoughts very often, I just get so scared for people, that they will lose their bubs, and feel the agony that I wouldn't wish upon anyone. I did feel a little jealous of my nephew when he and his partner fell pregnant, but I was soon able to realise they were entitled to be happy and in fact I wanted them to be happy. Personally I was really glad to have been able to get to that point of view so quickly.

Wow - two big events on one day on 17 April. Here's a tip - do something special with your niece before her birthday and then have 17 April all to yourself. You might need it. But then if you do decide to spend some time with her on her birthday you do it on your terms because you feel up to it not because you feel obliged. On these big days, I find it best not to put too many demands on yourself. Good to have a back up plan if you are feeling robust, but if you're not? Well then you can crawl into your coccoon and just be with your memories and your feelings.

Kirsten - oh wow, that is pretty insensitive of your sister. I understand her excitement, totally, but it was just a but mis timed for you. I guess she really just didn't understand your pain and heartbreak and that her pregnancy would be a reminder of all you had lost. In a way, it would be nice to have her niaivety huh? ( how do you spell that word? I have had 4 attempts and its still wrong).

hi everyone,

I am new to this forum and have been reading some of the posts which have helped me alot. I am currently 7 weeks pregnant (3rd pregnancy). I mc twin girls last January (at 23 weeks) and found out last week that I am carrying twins again (non-identical this time). I have had a fair bit of spotting and have been placed on bed rest for the next couple of weeks. I can't help but feel petrified with every small ache and pain I get. I find that I am getting alot of period like and back pain this time around, however I have been told that this is simply my body stretching and making room for the bubz to grow.

I have an appointment with my dr next week and hope that all goes well. I can't help but feel scared that this pregnancy will be a repeat of my last one.

Are the emotions I am feeling at the moment normal???

Mummy of 5 - oh sweetie, I am so sorry for your pain, and your fear. But they are totally normal!

Congratulations on your pregnancy! Hopefully coming here helps with some of your anxieties. It's good news that your twins are non identical - from a pregnancy point of view - hopefully they are also di chorionic di amniotic - or dcda - which means they each have their own amniotic sac and placenta. I remember there are more aches and twinges with a twin pregnancy and more fatigue, and more appetite ( I ate the house out of food I reckon) and more chance of spotting. But honestly if you are really worried, it is your absolute perogative to call your Dr. Don't be shy about it. if you need to call, call.

Rest up as much as you can. Bed rest can be pretty hard, so know that someone is usually lurking in here and will respond to you. You're not alone.

Each of us has to find a way to deal with the fears and anxieties. I am not saying that right now this strategy will work for you or even whether you should try it.

Mine is, every day, I try to remember that I am blessed with a pregnancy, and that this moment, this day, there is hope that it will work out. I put my hand gently on where I think my baby is, and give my baby every ounce of love that I can muster. I still get scared. I still feel sorry for myself. I still grieve my 3 precious little ones. But right now I have a gift, and I think it would be sad to think when I look back on this time, that I didn't "enjoy" the time I have with this bub in this pregnancy, irrespective of how long I have.

Have you got some good DVD's and books or craft to keep you occupied?

If you don't mind me asking, did you name your girls? If you're up to sharing I just love knowing our precious little ones by name. For me its important, but I understand if you are not up to sharing.

Take care, and good luck with getting yourself in the right head space. Hmmm, it doesn't have to be "right" just one that works for you? There is no right or wrong in this journey.

mummyof5 welcomo this thread and congratulations on your pregnancy. Im so sorry to hear of the loss of your beautiful angels and i wish you a H&H pregnancy this time round. It is completely normal to have those fears that your experiencing but as dory said try and enjoy every minute and dont be afraid to call your dr even if it is only for peace of mind for yourself.
Dory your words are just amazing and you truly are a beautiful & strong person, i love coming in and reading your posts and taking away lots of advice from each and every one.
HPL it is ok to have those feelings towards other woman who are pregnant, we wouldnt wish it on our worst enemy to go through what we have been through but it is hard to think that some people do have it so much easier and even harder when these people dont appreciate how lucky they are that it has been so easy for them.
AFM just plodding along, still cant get the fear out of my head that im going to go to the docs for my next appt only to be told your bub has stopped growing or there is no hb. I know i shouldnt be thinking like this and i should be enjoying it but its just a little hard at times. Ive had no signs or reason to think this but just cant seem to get it out of my head. I have a docs appt on wednesday and im going to get her to do an u/s just to put my mind at ease, but wednesday cant come around quick enough. Anyway enough whingeing from me, id better go and get ready for work.
Take care

Hi Dory and Eliselouise85,

Thank you for your replies, I completely agree with EL85, Dory your response was beautiful and very helpful, thank you. I was 22 weeks and 5 days pregnant with my twin girls when one of the sacks ruptured, I was in hospital for 5 days and went into labour on the morning of the fourth day at 23 weeks and 2 days. I find it very soothing to talk about my loss because I am not alone and I find it comforting to hear other people's advice. This twin pregnancy is a diachorionic diamniotic (I think that is the termonology) twin pregnancy i.e. seperate sacks, seperate placentas, I have been told that this is the safest twin pregnancy to have to fingers crossed.

Because the girls were 23 weeks I had to give birth and register their births, we ended up naming them Mikayla Hope and Gabriella Faith, because at the time eventhough we were very confused as to why God was doing this to us, we still had hope and faith that he would send them back to us one day, which ultimately he has.

I am really trying to enjoy this pregnancy and am very lucky that I have a strong support network around me, as I have a little girl who is turning two next month.
Kx

hi all! Haven't had a chance to read up yet so no idea what has been happening but...

Hayley Michelle was born 17/02/10 at 5:06AM weighing in at 9lb3oz (4.165kg) and 52cm long. Healthy and happy but doesn't like to suck so BF is causing me some dramas (not happy about this as it was so straight forward with DD1 & 2). We got home yesterday and are settling into a home time routine. My BP got dangerously high and has stayed very high since so I am still on meds and have to visit the ob weekly to get checked up and discus meds. Even got told I HAD to have pethadine during labour to try and bring the BP down as it was really really high. Anyway, no tearing, no stitches, so I feel great! Will read up over the next little while, time to try and feed bubs again :)

:dance::dance: little ones - congrats on your arrival!

Dory - no wonder you were RAK's twice! your posts are so thoughtful and sharing.

Elise - I'm at 29wks and i still worry. If i dont feel movement for a few hours or something like that...its just that we don't have that innocence. Enjoy what you can and dont beat yourself up for feling scared...thats what in here is for :) p.s. did you see the photo on facebook at 24wks? I look bigger then than at 29weeks! must have been the clothes :)

Mof5 - I love your little girls names. I can only imagine the heartbreak you have suffered (along with Dory) as while it is still a loss my bubs were all in the first tri. It is great to read you are preg with bubs again. Enjoy the bed rest, when they are here you won't be getting any of it!

HPL - there were plenty of times I would be on the verge of tears and want to leave work last year when there seemed to be every second person pregnant (4 on the level I work on, 8 in total). Its a normal reaction. Sometimes ppl really dont think, a friend went into labour the same day I lost one bub and for her first two birthdays she would text me that it was her little girls bday. Eventually I had to ask her not to and explain that I won't forget it as it is an important date in my life. feel free to vent here, its good for that!

Kirsten - I really felt for you reading your email - I was in the same situation with my first and SIL. I was lucky though that normally she tried to be sensitive. If someone hasn't been through this type of loss they REALLY have no idea

Twin Sister - glad the nausea is eased. I was lucky in that while I did chuck - it was over by week 11.

Bonham - SO good to see you here and with such great news!

Hi to everyone I have missed

AFM: after the little scare with the HB and nearly going to emergency I scored an additional scan ;) I'll have it on March 3 so am really looking forward to it. My belly cast kit has arrived and it is taking ALL my willpower not to do it already. Am waiting till 34wks then I will do it.
We put an offer in on 700acres and it was accepted so now we just need to go to bank and organise finance. Will be crushed if we don't get it. We are quite excited about it. It's for our 'retirement'.
I think I told everyone bout applying for my job? We'll I got first! Now I just need to wait and see if I get permanently appointed from it.
At work so I guess I should get back to it (yuck!)

Have a great Day all - enjoy your bubs...Zen is moving lots and feels like waving or something so 'hi from Zen' lol

:D:clap::dance: Little Ones - welcome to your daughter Hayley - given the HBP you sound like you did a brilliant job - well done on the birth and may you and your bub come to enjoy the gift of BFing - it took me a few weeks first time round to get it sorted - my daughter has a high palate and it was fitting in an interesting fashion. I wish you both a lifetime of shared smiles and understanding silences - Congratulations!!!

Much love to you and your family
Karen van
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Wow - i don't come on for the weekend and so much to catch up on. I apologise now for no persies my brain is mush today i didn't sleep very well last night as i have another u/s booked for today. Spoke to my ob yesterday about the spotting (not much at all but still persistant, tiny bit of coloured discharge most days) and he squeezed me in for a scan at 4.30 this arvo. Nervous.....will update you all later xx

Sparkles good luck with the scan im sure all will be fine. Cant wait to hear how it goes.

Hi ladies,

I too have been reading this thread for the last couple of weeks and just not felt ready to post, until now.

I am currently 6 weeks preg with my (hopefully) 3rd child. My first preg ended in mc nearly 6 years ago which was the most devastating thing I have ever gone through. At the same time my best friend was preg with her first and a work friend was preg with her 3rd - an unplanned preg due the same day as my baby I lost. After my mc I had to endure watching my work friend's unplanned preg unfold and the eventual delivery of her daughter. It was all so heart wrenching, so I can identify with those feelings of jealousy etc some of you were talking about. Life can be so cruel sometimes.

Fortunately DH and I went on to have 2 beautiful girls, although both pregnancies were plagued with problems early on. I bled very heavily and almost continually with both. Talk about a roller coaster. Weekly ultrasounds which I found so stressful I now even struggle to watch fake ultrasound scenes on TV shows! I find preg to be the most stressful thing.

Now I am 6 weeks along and so far, no bleeding. But am I am happy? No. I try to take comfort from the never-ending sickness, but I just cannot wait for my first scan in 2 weeks.

I send out much love to all of you and hope that things go exactly as planned. No nasty surprises.

just a quick one, will write more tommorow.
Scan went awesome, healthy bub with heartbeat of 170 something. We even saw the little one moving & twitching...very relieved....thanks for all your thoughts. So i am 9 weeks tomorrow!!!YAY!!

Sparkles - awesome!! Good relish in your delight of the magic of this bub!

Maggie335 - welcome. Good to hear you're sick and 6 weeks. It's a hard road this one, as you know. You managed it twice before, you have the skills to manage this pg and to flourish! But here is the place you can come and share your fears, cause people who haven't been there, just don't ( and to be fair to them, they can't) understand.

TinaR - it's ironic that one of the most devastating things for me following Sophie's birth, was that I felt "phantom" flutters for ages. The phantoms robbed me of the joy I thought I had at the memories of the twins and then Sophie, fluttering and moving around. Now I doubt whether I will actually know and have confidence in any flutters and kicks until they become knockouts in this pg. Now I doubt whether in fact the feelings I had were bubsies, or just my whacked out digestive system. It's so sad to have that doubt, now, for both Nicholas and Sophie's pg and also this pg. I can understand why you get anxious.

AFM - well today was my darling Amelia's first anniversary. 23 Feb 2009; 14:28; 455grams; 27 cms; 21 weeks on the cusp of 22 weeks gest, our brown haired girl. I can't and don't think of it as her birthday. That just doesn't work for me.

Today, wasn't as hard as I thought it might be. I was more affected leading up to today than on today. DH took the day off work and I am not working( one week as of today!), so we slept in and snuggled ( no BD for me, way too scared) and then went for brunch and then a walk in the park and along the river. In the arvo we snuggled again, looked through our photos, shared some precious memories and listened to the songs we had played for the funeral service. In the end as sad as I am, the most significant memory for me today is just how much our precious girl was loved and how much she gave to us in those fleeting joyous but heartbreaking moments. I am so blessed to have been given such a precious gift. So today? DH and I honoured our baby girl by living, and remembering her. I had day reams of doing something more symbolic, but in the end, for me, it felt contrived.

Welcome to any newbies..you'll find great suppoprt here!
Dory - Sounds like you had a beautiful day, just right for you and DH which is exactly what you needed!

So, i will try to keep up a bit more now, have been so stressed and trying not to dwell on BB too much, but i am going to try and relax a bit more now and be positive!! xx

Sparkles so glad your scan went well, isnt is just a relief. I also had another scan yesterday just to put my mind at ease and everything was just perfect. Hope you can start to relax a bit more now and start to enjoy :)
Dory im glad you and DH had a lovely day yesterday for your beautiful girls 1st anniversary.
Welcome maggie and congratulations on your pregnancy. Youve come to the right place for all the support you need and just to vent your fears as we all know exactly what your feeling and hopefully we ca help you to get through it relatively stress free (never going to be completely stress free though unfortunately)
Tina yep i seen your photos on facebook and you dont look big at all, looks so cute. Good luck with your 'retirement pad' it sounds awesome :)
Congratulations littleones on the birth of hayley michelle, hopefully the BF starts to get easier for you both :)
AFM requested another scan yesterday at my docs appt to put my mind at ease and it was so awesome. Bub was bouncing around like crazy. Im thinking of getting a 3D ultrasound done but dont know if there are any in my area. If anyone knows where camperdown, victoria is do you know if there is anywhere near me that does it. Or even in Geelong??
Take care all

hi ladies,

sorry i've beein mia since my last post, i needed some family time after my rant.

Just wanted to say a quick thank you for all your support, it's lovely knowing we can come on here and be completely honestly, i was a little worried how it was be taken, which is why i haven't been on here in a while, bit scared you might all think i was this horrible woman....

Anyway first scan tomorrow, yay, very excited.....

Hope everyone is doing well!!

HPL - this is the safe place :) know that whatever you say it's safe to be totally honest and speak your feelings, if you can't do it anonymously in here, where can you do it? :hug: Enjoy your first scan tomorrow! Drink in the excitement and enjoy every second of it!

Thanks for the lovely replies and best wishes for my pregnancy.

I haven't posted on here since the other day as I am convinced this one is going the same way as the others. I started light bleeding on Monday (minimal) and more yesterday. I went to the Dr yesterday who put me on bed rest for a few days and sent me for blood tests but now I have some bright red spotting/bleeding. I have no pain and my boobs are no longer sore. Still waiting for my blood results, but it felt right from the beginning.... I was extremely moody, fatigued, boobs quite sore. Life is not fair. I dont know If I can go through it again.... this will be my 4th pregnancy and 4th m/c.

Sorry for no personal replies but I'm just not up to it.

I actually think I posted this in the wrong forum... sorry! I meant TTC one.

Good luck to all in here!

I actually think I posted this in the wrong forum... sorry! I meant TTC one.

Good luck to all in here!

is so freaking excited and happy and YAY....

We saw our baby this afternoon!! Prefect, just perfect which is music to ours ears... I feel so more at ease having seen our baby... Going by LMP I'm 10wks2days but scan says 9wks4days... I have usually a 30day cycle so it's right on cue!!

Who care ladies, my baby will be due on the 26th Sept, I couldn't be happier...

Sorry no persies just sooooo excited :clap::clap::dance::dance::dance:

Thanks everyone for the warm welcome. Its so nice to know there are people you can 'talk' to who truely understand. I have some wonderful friends who have all been a great support, but none have been truogh anything similar, so most of the time they just don't 'get it'.

HPL - that is great news! Nearly at the magical 12 week mark. Im so thrilled everything is going as it should

Loopielouie - I know its hard but try to not get too disheartened until you know for sure. I bled bright red blood VERY heavily through the first 4 months or so of both my successful pregnancies. It really did my head in, so I totally understand why you are so worried. Sending you big hugs and hope you get some good news from those blood tests.

Sparkles - glad all is going well for you too!

Dory - I don't know all the details but reading through your posts, it sounds like you have been through so much. Im glad you and DH found a way to remember your beautiful girl. Sending you lots of hugs.

AFM- i have been on tender hooks waiting for the 'complications' to develop. I've never had a 'normal' pregnancy and have found it a little strange that we managed to get beyond the 6 week mark without problems. Here I am worrying about the fact I have nothing to worry about :rolleyes: Anyway earlier in the week I developed really bad cramps which had me doubled up on the kitchen floor. They felt too high to be baby related, so I tried very hard to ignore them. Then over the next 2 days my sickness was not too bad and I woke up yest feeling fantastic. Rang my ob. in tears and he managed to organise a scan for the early arvo. Went in with DH expecting the worst, but there it was - our tiny bub with a tiny heart beating away!!! :dance: I just could not stop crying. So for now I am a little more relaxted to know that there is actually a baby there and that so far, we seem okay. Still nervous, but relieved for the moment. I am now 6 weeks and 5 days and hoping to God things continue on.

Sparkles - how are you doing?

Maggie 355 - thankyou. I don't wnat to seem arrogant, but I have been through a lot. So often I almost minimise it. Just quickly here's my history. I suppose I could put it in my signature but for some reason I can't do that. July 08 m/c 8 weeks blighted ovum, 23 Feb 2009 birth of Amelia, extremely premature at 21 weeks gest and too frail to survive, 28 July 2009, birth of Nicholas at 14 weeks gest, our wee man and 30 August 2009 birth of Sophie at 19 weeks gest, too young to survive. Nicholas and Sophie were twins. Each of my little ones was born alive. It seems I go into premature labour spontaneously. The birth of Amelia, as heartbreaking as it was, was a joyful and defining moment of my life. I am truly blessed to have been given the gift of a beautiful daughter, and son and daughter. I have held each of my babies and loved them completely. I never expected that, especially not in such heartbreaking circumstances.

I so totally understand about being on tenterhooks, and just waiting for the complications. I have already had a few, and its hard, but somehow, I am able to find some peace with the pg. But every complication renews the fear. I suppose we all find our own ways to cope. Glad you got to see your little one! It's pretty awesome huh? My tip? Try not to worry to much ( I know mission impossible!) and if you can each day be thankful for the miracle that you have right now, right at this moment. For me I find it helps put the fear to the back of my mind and not the front of all of the time. Every pg is different?

HPL - we are so close in dates it's amazing. Glad you got to see bubs, it is just the coolest. Go and revel in the miracle.

Hi to everyone else. I am not feeling very talkative. Hope you are all going ok. Sticky vibes.