Pregnancy after Miscarriage or Loss ~ April 2011

Forshelby~ I understand that it can be hard. When Honor would cry that she was hungry only to find out that she would not eat or just cry for hours i would find myself saying shut up. Or try to find a reason to go out and get away from her and here was a baby that i tryed so hard to have i hated myself.But the crying for hours just made me feel like the worse person in the world. About not burping for you but still gas do you have a product over there called gripe water or just gas drops that helped the frist couple of weeks with honor. Your doing great you have been though allot just with the hosptial alone.

Ok Forshelby: Firstly you are doing a great job! Mothering in the hardest job you will ever do and sadly you started off in such a negative way. I really do wish you would talk to someone but if you cant then make sure you keep up on here!!

Practical suggestions:

Define day and night - somehow, i like to pick a time i shower and i mean a 1/2hr shower atleast. If DP is hom at 7pm each night then 7 and 7. if DP is at work in the morning do the best you can to fix axel before 7 and then leave him in his cot where he is safe while you shower. this halves the days so gives you the elusion that you only have to survive until 7am and night shift will be over.

Go for walks, you think you dont have the energy but walking with a screaming baby in a pram outside is so much nicer than in your arms inside.

buy or borrow a hub a bub. not any other sort of carrier it has to be a hug a bub!

make sure you eat, if you arent getting energy from sleep you need it from food

drink heaps of water

play the radio

when you want to shout 'shut up" yell i am the adult here, but if you cant and 'shut up' comes out then when things have calmed down, remind yourself of all the times in the day you said something loving not the few you didnt!

be kinder to yourself

Remember the first 6 weeks is hard, then it gets better i promise! Then 3 months I promise!




Ill respond to the other personals later!

Thanks everyone:grouphug:

sorry to to crash the thread, I was in here not so long ago and I still read.

Forshelby - you are not a bad mummy!! You are exhausted and stressed and want your little boy to be ok. From what you are describing, esp with all the screaming, back arching etc it sounds like reflux. My DD has severe reflux and is still on medication now at 18 months. I would really take him to a doc to get it checked out. I know you are fed up with the health system - but trust me - the earlier you can get on top of reflux (if it is that) the better. We went through a lot of heartache with our DD. I ended up with PND and had no confidence in my ability as a mother. The first paed we saw was hopeless and it took months to get her on the right meds (losec NOT zantac!). Because she was not sorted early on she developed pain association with me, so did not feed well at all resulting in weight loss and mastitis for me. She also was incredibly stiff in her body and did not learn how to isolate her muscles as she was constantly tense as in agony from the pain of feeding.

Im not telling you this to scare you I just really want to give you some hope and reassure you that there are meds that can help your baby. I thought that it was just my DH and I couldn't stand the screaming all the time, but it wasn't she screamed for good reason. Big hugs

Hi girls, sorry I haven't been a very good buddy lately. I'm 6 weeks today & m/s is getting worse everyday! Today I felt the worst yet but I'm not complaining :D Been getting into bed as early as possible, Moo wakes around 6am & I am soooo exhausted.

Yesterday I was the same gestation I was when my m/c started with my last pregnancy. Was very anxious & stressed all day. Kept running off to the loo to make sure nothing was happening. Feel better today but my next hurdle will be 9 weeks which is when there was no denying it was all over.

I'm having a scan next Friday when I'll be well over 7 weeks. Very worried about it, makes me feel sick when I think about it. But I try to keep in mind that I have sooo many symptoms this time, feel much differently.

Joeve - I'm so so sorry sweetheart :hug:

Forshelby. You have been through such a traumatic experience its completely understandable you feel the way you do. With DD i had her 3 weeks early by c-section, i had lost all my fluid and she was really distressed when she came out. My body wasnt ready and i had trouble with my milk coming in. DD was kicking down the crib she was hungry and the way she came out she was so distressed. I couldnt feed her and i had hundreds of mw telling me what to do and all there different opinions and rules. I had hundreds if woman seeing my boobs and touching my boobs and prodding me and telling me what to do....while dd is getting hungrier and more distressed. So i was pumping, feeding, bottle feeding, using this line thing, nipple shelds.....etc etc etc I had a nightmare of a time in hospital and a horrible time when i went home. She was exactly the same as Axel and very unsettled and then later on i also found out i had post natal. I was a first time mum at 31 and was so used to my friends and partying and having that life style it was a huge shock to me when i couldnt even go to the toilet....

A few things to maybe could help combat some of these things..... would be to speak to you're nurse. I cant think what there called here, but i had a nurse come and check DD after hospital and she gave me a questionair aboout how i felt....and when i expressed how i was feeling and i was having trouble feeding and DD sleeping etc she got me an appointment and i actually went in there to see another nurse and ended up having a day stay with them then an over night stay and then they sent me to free facility were i stayed for two weeks and they helped with sleeping, feeding, and discovered i had post natal so i got on tablets and counseling etc. I still had trouble when i got home with DD for months and months and didnt feel connected but eventually it got heaps better.

I'm not saying thats what you have, but maybe you need to talk to the nurse or maybe go to the dr's and speak to someone just to rule things out. You could also take axel to a peditrician (omg i am having one of those cant think days...is that what there called) to rule out if anything is wrong with him.

Maybe its the wrong formula and you might need to try a few even though its costly something might not be agreeing with him....When i was having trouble feeding they said to make sure that they stayed awake while feeding by waking them up ect so they have a full feed..and you can also do top up feeds 1/2 hr after they have fed. DD used to arch her back, sometimes warm water would do the trick...or having them lay on you're arm head at you're hand and bum up you're arm and pat or carry around....or over you're lap....or laying them on there back and rolling there feed and legs around and pushing them up to there tummy....that would also help... and there is stuff you can try from the chemist which can be a life safer as well. Go to the chemist and explain and they will give you the different options.

Tiredness can cause all sorts of problems, can DH take axel out for a few hours between feeds or even fed him......so you can be at home alone and get some sleep and cant hear him crying etc. Maybe a bit of rest might make a bit of difference..

Believe me forshelby you're not a bad mum at all....with everything you have been through and a new baby its totally understandable..and if you dont like talking to people...maybe read on line or get some reading about all this stuff.

Unforunately a few times i just lost it and did yell at dd...i went through some bad times and wanting to yell and scream at her etc and felt so horrible....but unfortunately you cant help it..things get a bit too much..... when you have those times put him down, go outside to the front or back yard for a few minutes and take a breather have a scream have a cry whatever..even if he is crying leave him and put him in his crib..he will be ok, or give him to DH and go for a quick walk, ring someone to chat too, make a tea, just do something to distract you're self for a minute.......

I am thinking of you and hope things settle for you soon..if you need to chat let me know..



Cheezlemonster..Its a reall good sign with having bad MS, so at least thats one thing!!!! and its hard getting past those milestones but once you do you will feel so much better and closer to having you're healthy bub..i know i hated those scans and i had a few due to bleeds etc..i would panick every time i went there even up to the 20 week scan, my heart would race and i would be a nightmare and i would panick everytime he checked for a hb......all i can say is do you're best to try and distract yourself and keep you're self busy so you're minds a bit occupied.....i tried not to read the loss stories for a little while too because i would get so upset and so scared...

:grouphug: I am so sorry so many of you first time mummys had or are having such a horrible time. I want to gather you all up and bring you here and mother the mother. If we still lived in villages thats what would happen and none of these feeling would have to be part of your journey.....:(

oh forshelby , i have no advice for you, just big hugs and to tell you youre not a bad mother! youre only human and you are learning
xoxoxoxox

cheezle - ms is a great sign! im one of the fortunate ones that didnt really have it that bad! that made me stress more! x

hey to all the other lovely ladies ! xoxox

i have an appointment with my obgyn tomorrow and hopefully he can tell me the sex of little one :) so excited

Tegam I'm having visions of us all living in our little huts like on the old movie show LOST lol. Would be so much easier no doubt having others on hand for support.

Alish how exciting you should be able to see what gender your bub is.

Forshelby I agree with the others. Sounds like reflux. Your doing an awesome job. Gee if I went through what you did I'd expect a call bell and DH to be on call 24/7.

Angelfish did Honor not put on weight to start with when she was first born? J isn't typical of reflux as she isn't unsettled. Well no more then the average baby but she doesn't feed well, at 3weeks she is not quite 200grams up from her birth weight (my last 2 were already 700grams up) she vomits all the time. She either has a massive vomit or continual little spills both regurgitated milk and fresh milk. Its so frustrating. Have they put her on medication to help?

Alish: Cant wait to hear if its a blue or pink one????

Mildez: The little huts sound lovely! i have 1/2 an arce maybe that should be my goal. A retreat for new mummies???? You have to try to stop comparing J with your others. She is slower to put on weight but not out of the norm. Have you done all the normal things like tilt her bed and slow the rate you milk comes out ie by feeding lying down??

KellBell: Where is that baby news???? Thinking of you!


Reet: NOT LONG NOW :loveshower:

Angelfish - It's good to know I'm not alone. I've been giving him 'wind drops'.. DP calls it fart juice... :rofl:

Tegam - I like the shower idea but it's just not always possible. The way he screams when he's worked up I just can't put him down and leave him as I'm scared he'll choke or something. When it is possible though I'll be doing that. The walking idea is good too, I guess if it's raining I can take him to a mall and stroll around in air conditioned/heated comfort. Eating is tough, but I discovered yesterday if he's in the sling, I can actually get food in my mouth while he semi-sleeps. The radio was by far your best idea. We played it ALL NIGHT while he slept... yes, that's right, HE SLEPT. For 4 and a half hours solid. That's a record for us, so I'm pleased. Note to self: music = good. Oh and I had a look at the hug a bub sling... wow. They look so good, I almost whipped out my credit card right away to order one. I'm holding back though because he seems to be adapting really well to my el-cheapo regular type sling. Yes, I'm a tight*****..... :redface: Thanks for all your advice, I really needed it. It's weird you mentioned the village thing because that thought has crossed my mind. It's sad new mums have to feel so isolated and disconnected from everyone. It just seems wrong, and no wonder I'm struggling.

Erybery - Thanks for crashing, :) I thought about reflux, but it just doesn't seem to fit. He almost never vomits, and burps quite well when he has his wind drops. But somehow he still manages to get all riled up and screamy. Maybe he isn't getting ALL the wind out? I don't know. But thanks for the idea, I'll definitely mention it next time I see my GP.

CheezelMonster - Hooray for ms :) Good luck for the scan and the next hurdle!

Melster - There definitely has been somewhat of a 'mourning period' for my old life. The lazy mornings, the random naps..... the ability to go to the toilet when I needed to. I don't actually have a nurse, because I told them to shove it after they called me 6 times in a row, left a message, then called DP's number repeatedly while I was in the ER about my wound gushing blood and fluid. I know they didn't know I was in the ER, but seriously... harrassing phonecalls are NOT ok. Call once, leave a message, and WAIT! I have considered the GP but today he seems to be a lot better. Typical. Make mummy have a meltdown and then decide to behave. I think daddy had a stern word to him last night. Formula is a possibility as well, though once again he seems fine this morning. I tried the top up feeds, it seems to just make him greedy ITMS. He would start wanting to be fed every half hour, have a small gulp then go back to sleep/screaming. Right now we're trying to get him into a routine of 3hourly feeds, or longer stretches if he'll sleep that long. I wish I could get DP to take Axel for a few hours between feeds, but he's at work from 8.30-late. By late I mean at least dinnertime every day. It makes things really hard. Most nights I can't even get dinner prepared because I'm here on my own and can't juggle the baby and a frying pan. You're right though, some rest really would help. Pity I just can't get any most of the time. I tried to do some reading but every time I pick up a book or turn on the laptop he starts freaking out and screaming.... makes it hard to concentrate. I like your idea of calling someone for a chat but everyone I know is at work during the day when I'm by myself and need the support most. It's not their fault, they just have their own lives. I might invent an imaginary friend to talk to.... lol. Your advice is also really helpful so thankyou, I'll do as much of that stuff as is possible, when it's possible.

Mildez - Funny you should mention the call button lol. I kept saying to the mw's in hospital when I was leaving "I'm fine, I can handle it. There's no call button at home!" Now I wish there was one. Sadly DP is killing himself working long hours and overtime to provide for us, and I feel like a b**** asking him to do more. He does so much. Even taking on a lot of babycare and housework when he gets home. Just makes me feel more useless really as I'm mostly stuck to the couch with the baby in my arms all day long. It's frustrating.

AFM - Feeling a little better today. DP insisted I go to bed as soon as we'd eaten last night, and he took care of Axel. We made a plan to stop adding his 'fart juice' to his bottles (as he wasn't finishing the entire thing, hence not getting a proper dose) and we think that's why he was so unsettled. Instead he gets a shot straight in his mouth before each feed, and so far so good. He still cries, but not as desperately and not for as long. We also tilted his bassinette mattress, and added some continuous playing of the radio all night for good measure. DP had him asleep for 4.5hours solid.

So after having 7 hours of sleep before I had to get up to tend to baby, I'm feeling slightly more sane, and less prone to meltdowns today. I've also enlisted my sister's help and on Thursday night she's taking our little man for his first sleepover. Part of me feels like a crap mother for palming him off so soon, but we're just so exhausted. I know I'll feel weird without him here and even miss the crying to a certain extent. But this is about our sanity and being able to parent effectively without yelling SHUT UP because we're so overtired. So for now I'm telling myself it's for the greater good. I hope my poor sister gets some sleep though. Mother's guilt, eh? I'm also heading out tomorrow for a day of shopping with a friend, (Axel loves to shop apparently, and is always calm if I'm in a mall) so tomorrow will be a good day! Shopping, sleepover, oh and I am going to enjoy a couple of glasses of wine, snuggle with DP and pass out for 12 hours or more lol. DP seems keen to get it on while we have the chance, also.... *chuckle*. We'll see about that!! I'm kind of scared to let him near me after the way this whole thing turned out, lol. I keep telling him his 'thing' is a weapon of mass destruction and to keep it away from me. :D

Anyway, sorry about the long rambly posts and the random meltdowns..... but thank goodness I have you girls or I would have gone crazy by now. :grouphug:

I hope it isn't reflux Forshelby, just letting you know my DD has silent reflux so not a spewer.

Forshelby - you could have been writing about me..... that is so how I felt... and sometimes still do. There are certainly moments I haven't been proud of... but like TegamM said, I am learning to manage the harder parts better more often. So it gets easier because I make a comittment to do it better. It doesn't matter if you make a mistake, just think next time I will try it. Then eventually it works.

One memorable night after 6 hours of continuous screaming saw me bawling and hitting myself in the head, whilst telling H I loved her, but at the same time trying to reason with her.... I've given you every opportunity to sleep and I don't understsand why you won't.....

I found it's easier to deal with my own feelings of frustration when I tell Hannah I love her, that she needs my love and protection and to feel safe, or sometimes I just tell her it's hard work to be a little baby.

Honestly you do get there and the sleep helps. I pretty much agree with everything that's been suggested. Even if you don't do it all at once - try it - you might be surprised and it works.

It is such a hard adjustment, I know. But you are doing a super job, and sweetie lose the guilt. You are doing a great job. Being a mummy is almost as hard as being a little vulnerable baby.

So glad that you found the sling so helpful. For months it is the one thing that kept me somewhat sane with DS lol. Sometimes all we need is a lil sleep and things don't seem so bad :)

Dory - Oh yes I've tried to reason with him..... I have actually taken to telling how hard it is to be a bubby, and that it must be so terrible.. weird you mentioned it :) Today has actually been pretty good. Our first good day. When he squeaks and squawks I pop him in the sling and continue what I was doing. Hey presto, quiet baby. well, quiet-ish. He's had a play on his activity mat (stare and swing wildly at the toys above his head) and had a big feed instead of fighting the bottle, then fighting to get it back, then screaming with wind pain...

Erybery- I find the silent reflux thing intriguing.... but surely he wouldn't be as calm as he is today if he had it?? I mean, it's not an on and off type thing, is it? Isnt' it just constant suffering???

Damprye - :)

Forshelby...i'm glad you're feeling a little better today...a bit of sleep can make the world of difference...and makes things easier to handle.....Those slings are great arent they, i also got one and it was a life saver alot of the time for me.... some used to grumble at me because she used to sleep in there and not in her cot......but in my time of insanity the sling was my break, my rest.......i used to carry her over at the shops. carry her at home to get some of the things i needed done..and yes defiantly to be able to have something to eat and a drink with both hands.......and i wouldnt worry about you're sister..i think its a great idea and wish i had of listened when the nurse told me to do that exact same thing...and even if you're sister doesnt get much sleep its ok..because its only one night to her..you have axel for life...so one really good relax and sleep could really help...i think its a great idea.........and dont worry about anyone else or what they say...you do whats best for you and you're family..and you're sanity...just do the best you can and thats enough........the mourning period goes away as you adapt to life with a baby, you work things out and work around things so they work for you.........eventually i used to let her cry for a little while to go to the toilet or have a quick shower...and eventually she got the hint that some alone time was ok......after a few months things settle and get into a routine....


KELLBELL...how you going darl...any news? still thinking of you......

Forshelby - Yep it can be on and off again. DD would have episodes where it was terrible and then she would have a good few days where I would think I was making it up in my head but then would get bad again. BUT you DS may not have it, but I wouldn't rule it out. Silent reflux means it comes up and goes back down burning their throat but doesn't spew out their mouth. Some babies ca be huge spewers but have no pain. Reflux in its simplest form is just spewing but its gastro reflux that does the damage and needs to be managed.