Please give me some weaning advice??

Hello

My DS is 20 mo and is strong and healthy.

Most of his teeth are in, although I have a sneaking suspicion that those final molars are thinking about popping through soon.

At about 10mo he let go of almost all his day feeds (prior to this he was voracious!) except naptimes and of course sickness.

I am still feeding him to sleep for both the day and night and there is the early morning marathon that can start from 430am-7am where he is on and off constantly (or so it feels).

His overnight feeds can be every 3 hours still and I hate to admit it but I am starting to get a bit *over* it. There was even a time where I yelled at him to stop and fall asleep!

I wouldn't mind the BF if I could get rid of the night and early morning marathon feeds.

A few times I have been able to get him to sleep by holding, etc but it has never really been something that consistently works and often he finishes off on the breast. I offer him water but there is much protest sometimes -- sometimes he actually tells me that is what he wants.

He also get diluted cow's milk in a bottle -- which is how other ppl including DH gets him to nap and he has one before the boob at night -- he takes it with his Dad while they read a bunch of bedtime stories. I introduced it hoping that he would prefer it or be full at night and so not wake -- NO LUCK!

What would your advice be? I am thrilled that I have BF'd this long. I just don't know how to start the weaning. I want to be gentle if possible. How have any of you weaned? I have read widely but it all seems so hard! He loves his BFing. I have tried talking to him about it and he gets upset at the thought of loosing it!

Sorry for long post.

nox, I had a very similar situation with my DD at a few months younger than your DS. She was previously happy with 3 bfs a day (morning, nap and night) and then suddenly started waking during the night wanting bfs. I thought it would pass, but after a while I couldn't handle having to go to work the next day when I'd been deprived of my sleep!

So I got a bit *tough* with her: no bbs during the night, bbs are asleep. I would offer her a drink of water and she was still able to come into bed and cuddle with us to help settle her. I took the sides off her cot so she could come in of her own free will too. It took a few nights, and at first she wasn't happy about it, but she soon learnt that if Mummy said it was still night and bbs were asleep, it was water and cuddles instead.

You might also try fitting in an extra bf in the evening, but since it hasn't worked with the cows milk, I'd say he's using bfing for comfort more than anything else.

Nox, I could of written your post word for word almost!
DS is 17 months old and whilst I love the fact that we're still b'feeding, I really don't love the fact that he feeds constantly throughout the night and nothing else will settle him.
Last night for instance, he woke at 12:45am so into bed he came, I tried not to give him boobies, but he just cries and pulls my hair for me to roll over so he can get to them so I gave in. This was a constant battle for every hour until my alarm went off at 6am, he was still on the boobies when my alarm went off, however I pulled him off and he decided he'd roll over and go to sleep then, right when I had to get up for work!
Sorry, this has turned into a vent, didn't mean to hijack your thread, just wanted to let you know you are not alone!
I am thinking about putting DS into a toddler bed to see if this helps, I know he really doesn't like his cot. Do you think he's too young for this?
Hugs to you babe, I can really relate to what you're going through!

Janine, I put DD in a toddler bed (took the sides off the cot) at just over 16 mths. She loved it and so did I (no more getting out of bed in the middle of a cold winter's night)! First night I left no night lights on, doors open and she came running through our rabbit warren of a house straight to me in bed. She's never fallen out (although we did use a safety rail for a few weeks) and loves the freedom. In the morning, if she isn't already in bed with us, she can play and move around as she likes.

Thing is, while I am allowing infant-led weaning, I believe there is room to make this work on your terms. I don't think I personally need to be demand feeding overnight. Which is why we have the 'no bbs before 5:30am' rule now. At first, I just tried to hold her out until 4am, 4:30am, 5am, you get the idea (in summer time it can be until the sun is up, but that's harder now!). I gradually brought her timing into line with what allowed me to get a proper night's sleep.

Yes I have DS in a double bed (!! I KNOW !!) since he was about 18 mo or maybe a bit earlier. It really helped in many ways as I know he wasn't happy in his crib and he was all over our bed. He loves his bed and will play in hit even when it's not bedtime, often bringing ppl in to read in it!

So Janine, even though you are saying "no" he is just not giving up? This is exactly what I think will happen w mine. As whenever I have tried to soothe a different way, he is SO insistent. I know I am pretty weak.

Jennifer, I think you are 100% right -- it is comfort! Not that I have a problem with it! BUT ... I am so hesitant to be tougher. We tried when he was about 16mo and eventually after a week of hell, gave up. It was really tough and I have the help of DH then (I may have the help still, but his work is getting more full on).

You think I should just do it? What will you do, Janine, keep refusing at the nighttime? You'll love this -- this morning after being on from about 4am onwards (!!!) by 6 I thought I was going to die! I pulled him off, he went straight back on with a lot of complaining then pulled off and slept until 8am!!!

Thanks for the support it is really helpful.

I guess the subtle difference is, I was saying no to the bbs once it got too much for me, but not no to the comfort. So a quick drink of water and then lots of cuddles in our bed. By no means was I leaving her alone in her own bed or expecting her to quit me entirely, cold turkey! If she wanted me for comfort, she got it, just not the nipple bit. ;) It's up to you to do what you feel comfortable with and what works for you. I don't know if I'd have persisted if it went on for a long time (the screaming) or she was clearly distressed, beyond just a general 'I'm really cross with what you're expecting of me now'. And I never stuck to this when she was ill, bb is on demand then.

Thanks for your advice Jennifer.
Nox, I think I will take the same approach as Jennifer and to a degree last night I did! When he woke i took him back to our bed and gave him his boobies, after that I did not let him again until morning! He did cry a little but I was right there with him giving him cuddles and the crying (or whinging really!) only lasted for around 5 minutes.
I'm still thinking about whether I will move him to a toddler bed.
Have you decided what you think you will do?

Yes I have tried offering only water. He takes the water then wants to BF!!!! I sleep with him in his bed so he is never short of comfort. I have even tried saying "let go of BB and we will just cuddle" he falls for it for a bit, but eventually wants to get back on. It is really hard. I am quite stressed -- but maybe also today because he is refusing to nap, BB or no! So maybe bad day to be talking about weaning....

He just never seems to give up when complaining for the BB -- like NEVER! And is so loud! I am just at a loss -- I feel so helpless in this situation.

Oh Nox you poor thing!
It sounds like the sleep deprivation may be taking its toll on you, I know I often feel the way you are when I've had a few particurally bad nights in a row, and especially when your DS is refusing to nap, I hate those days!! Is there someone who can help you out to get a little rest to make your head a bit clearer? Things always seems so bad when you're so tired!
Hugs to you babe!

Oh thanks hon! Just knowing that there are others suffering makes me feel better (LOL)! I was just talking about it to a g'friend with similar feeding *issues*. It is nice to know one is not alone!

Just got him to sleep! Feels like 2 hours on BB to make it happen! Of course not quite, we had a play break in the middle -- but OMG it is exhausting!

Yes you are right, a few *bad* nights in a row make all the difference to my point of view. But also may be the kick in the ass I need to make this change?

OMG, I so know how you are feeling!!
How have you been since?
I always prayed ds would selfwean, but unfortunately he hasn't.

I am now forced to instantly wean as I have been given meds that won't allow bf.
ds screamed the house down all night!
I actually called mil this morning at 7am to PLEASE pick him up as i was going crazy. Of course he has been an angel all day with her!
Not looking forward to tonight, he won't take anything but boobies and just chucks a tanty when I say no. He won't settle with cuddles (not too keen on being held for too long).

I would love to hear how you have been handling things so far.
Big hugs!

Oh (B)engeltje you poor poor thing! I can only imagine how horrible this is for you. Can you ask your partner to put your ds to sleep for a while? A friend of mine, who is a hard core natural parenting mum said to me that it is important for us mums to realise that we have raised our kids to be nurtured, loved and respected and they are just that -- so a little upset is not the end of the world -- he will survive.
One night I had to go out after putting ds to sleep and he woke to find only dad. He was incredibly unhappy, but my husband took him around the house to show that I wasn't there and he settle realising that this was all he would get. In our case, a bottle of very diluted cow's milk.

I have managed to successfully wean and we are fine and all happy about it. About a month after these posts, I found I am pregnant (!!) so the breast feeding free time will be short lived! haha
It wasn't quick, or easy, but there were very few tears. However, I had the time to do this.

Much much love and support to you in your weaning. Don't forget, you have done a great job already adn laid all foundations that your ds will survive it -- ok maybe not happy, but he will be fine.

xxx

Hi Nox,

Thanks for your reply!

Well, that is exactly what I wish will happen to me: to find out I am pregnant soon too! I hoped I was able to fall whilst bf, but my AF isn't cooperating.

DS is still quite upset but the 2nd night was already better than the first.
Problem so far is, he won't take any other method of settling. But in the end, he will have to find one of course.
I quite miss our bf bond, but hope that in the end, he will settle for some more cuddles! (he is not one to be held for too long, my little explorer!

Sorry if this al seems a bit of a ramble, but my nights are too short, workdays too long and my concentration is out the window!

BUt thanks again for the reply! It helps!

oh it will get better you will see! Does he take a bottle? He is getting a lot of love and care from you -- never worry about that. You have given him the skills and he will find a way to settle. I have noticed even with my DS that he is starting to find different ways to settle -- of course this changes as his mood or he gets a cold etc! The same will happen to you.

Hugs to you and good luck TTC!

Thanks Nox!

He won't take a bottle, but will do sippy cups/straw cups but not as a replacement tho!

Good luck with the new bub!