Demanding Prem bub!

Hi,
My little girl Lily was born 6 weeks prem and also very small for gestational age. She is a very fussy baby and just wants to be held ALL the time!! just wondering if anyone has had a similar experience with their prem bub?

how old is she now?
most babies need to be that closness for a few months..
have you got a sling you can carry her in(i wouldnt reccomend a baby bjorn type) that way you can do what you need to but also giving her what she needs.

She is now 10 weeks old...so adjusted age of 4 weeks. I do have a sling and she's in it all day and sleeps on our chest at night as we just cant get her to sleep any other way. She gets extremely distressed when put down on her back, i.e. in bassinnette, nappy changes etc! I dont know what else to do??

Hi Dotty :comfort:

DD was born nearly 7 weeks early, and I can completely sympathise with what you are going through. It is a very difficult time, as with Prems we go through the new born stage for a lot longer than most.

We bought DD home at 35 weeks 1 day, as soon as she was on all suck feeds for 24 hours (she hadn't had any weight gain though and lost the day we came home) so I was very stressed out for the first few months, not only being a new mum, but wanting DD to put on weight. I won't go into that any further as it is a whole other story!

As your DD was born SGA you will be going through the same thing, I am sure that you are tired, worried and feeling emotionally exhausted.

What saved me was a friend would come by a couple of mornings a week, and take DD after her first morning feed (well "normal time") morning feed, she would arrive around 8am. She woudl then hold, settle, look after DD while I either went back to bed, had a good long shower, had a little bit of time out. This really saved my sanity and gave me the break I needed. DD also had to be held a lot, and I could rarely put her down.

DD screamed when we changed her nappy for the first couple of months, we just tried to stay calm and reassure her, we made sure we did it in a warm room and was a quick as we could be. It will get better, I promise, I can't remember when she did actually stop, I think I was actually in the office (as I would take her into work with me) and there was a meeting on in the next room and I expected her to scream but she stayed quiet!

Does she have any reflux? Can you try elevating her bassinet when you put her down, DD seemed to settle better lying on a soft squishy pillow on my lap, then I would transfer her to her bassinette (ours was attached to her pram). We also tried a little rocker seat (that had a vibrate thing) that worked a few times, then we eventually bought a swing (The F P Rainforest Cradle swing), it swings in two different directions, and the seat can be elevated a bit. We wish we bought it soooo much sooner!!! It is brilliant, DD still loves it, but is about to grow out of it, we only use is very occassionally now.

I hope some of those suggestions work, I hope you have some that might be able to give you a short break or two, even if it is just to sit down and enjoy a hot cuppa tea!!

Take care, if you use messenger you can add me if you need a chat. :hug: :hug:

xxoo

My DD was really adaptable - at 31 wks she was still small for her gestational age also. She'd spent sooo much time in that damn humidicrib she was probably not used to being held - but when we got her home and she was about 12 wks corrected age we had a hell of a time trying to put her to bed - she'd only sleep in our arms.
I'd heard about 'infants friend' on Today Tonight - and once we started using that our problems seemed to pretty much disappear. It was just a small dosage in her milk given via a syringe.

She didn't have reflux - it was more having an upset gut - as it was under developed being prem...but we also did the rolled up towel at the head of the bassinette mattress and that helped out too I think. As Beema said - we then got a rocker for during the day and that worked well too.

Good luck hun!

Beema- thanks for the reply!! my Lily is also having weight issues!!! she's on added calories to help her gain faster..but its just such a SLOW process!!!!! i'm sick of worrying about it too! I'm glad to hear my girl isnt the only one who screams so bad during nappy changes, although it is slowly improving!! i do have a bouncer and she HATES it..she seems to hate all of the 'normal' things everyone suggests to help calm her down! as for reflux im not sure if she has it, have an appointment with the pediatrician tomorrow so might ask about that, but we had elevated the bassinette from the time we got home, but she still hates it! :wall:i guess i just have to keep persevering and hope that it all settles soon!
leesa- thanks for the tips, i might look into that infants friend stuff..is it to help calm bubs gut? yeah my Lily also sleeps in our arms only, but now she's started screaming and crying even when held, when previously she only cried when put down!! AGHHH this is one tough journey!!!

Oh yeah we used Brauers Stomach Relief and Brauers Calm, for a while there too, not sure how old she was but I remember using it for a few weeks when she was having a lot of tummy pain. We did have IF but it didn't make a difference for us, but I know it works for quite a few friends :)

Thanks Beema, i'll ask her doc tomorrow cause i really gotta do something or i will go insane :wall:

Dotty big hugs honey... :hug:

My last baby Imogen was born at 27+5 weighing 815grams. Prem babies bring with them a whole different ball game.

She is my 5th earth baby. When she was in special care I held her for every moment of the day I was with her. When she came home she wanted this too. I did this & because she has 4 younger siblings there was always a fight as to who would hold her. She didn't sleep unless she was held... I swaddled her tightly and in someone's arms she would sleep - slowly she would sleep propped up on the couch swaddled tight. She needed the noise and busyness in order to sleep. Remember back to how busy and noisy NICU is - so maybe try sleeping her in the lounge where there is the noise of perhaps the radio or TV? I played some special lullabys that I researched were good for prems development - I had played that during most of her NICU and SC stay. She still listens to it each sleep time... So some music cues may help...

I co slept with her and that worked really well. She sometimes would go down in her basket but other times she wouldn't - but did sleep when she was close to me...

Weight gain is a pain - at least it was for me. Immy was slow to thrive and in the end I will admit that I stopped seeing the paed. I felt my breasts knew her and she knew them and I wasn't going to stress out. So, I fed her when she was hungry and offered her the breast whenever she cried... She slowly slowly gained. Now at about 20 months she is almost walking, is very small for her age physically but as quick as a whippet.

I don't advocate not seeking out medical help - just also that you listen to your body, your baby and really tune into that.

You have been through a major life trauma. Birthing a premmie is unspeakably stressful.

Remember always that this too shall pass - this will change it will improve. This little one had to fight long and hard to be with you - and she did that with your love and help. Your instincts are strong and primal - so listen to them.

Continue to glean support from the women in here and perhaps even join a premmie support group. That may help too.

Sending you all my love and support beautiful Mama... :hug:

I just want to add my love... Birthing a premmie means that the whole process is handed over - at least that's how it felt for me. My baby was born via emergency c/section due to a life threatening illness in myself. There was no option of a vaginal birth...

Was your baby born vaginally?

From the time her body was lifted from me I didn't see her - or hear her. The surgeon said to me "she's making small noises - can you hear them?" But I couldn't :cry: However, I was ecstatic that she was making sounds. My point is that the natural course of birth and bonding was taken away due of course to ensuring her survival - but none the less it was taken away.

I didnt see my baby for almost a week - only a photo. Your story won't be the same but possibly you felt too that your baby wasn't your own... Many mums of prems feel this way. This interupts the natural course of mother /baby relationship and it can cause a mother - especially a first time mother a feeling of being unsure...

Just know IF you are feeling any of this it truly is normal - and slowly you and her will fall into sync... Sending you my love... :hug:

Hi Flowerchild, thanks for sharing your story with me. Lily was also and emergency c-section, so i know what you mean about feeling ripped off. I did get to hold her quickly but at 1 day old she got transferred to another hospital to be in NICU while i had to stay where i was to recover! it was just awful, i still think about everything we've gone through and it just makes me so sad!!! hopefully we will get onto happier times soon!!

We had Charlie's bassinette mattress elevated for the first couple of months, as he seemed to need it, in hospital he was in the isolette until the week before he came home ( long story, he was infectious so instead of an isolation room, he was in the isolette )and the mattress was always elevated.
We couldn't stop cuddling him, but realised in the first few days that the nurses had given us a wonderful gift of teaching him to self settle and put himself to sleep because of being in the isolette for so long and not being able to be held to go to sleep. We had to be really strict with ourselves and keep that routine going, making sure to put him down to sleep when he was still awake and not letting him sleep for long periods in our arms. It was tough, and we weren't always successful but as a result he is a GREAT sleeper, has been sleeping through for the last two months from 7 - 7 and a couple of day sleeps too.
Also we have a 'noise maker' a little sound system that makes noises, including rain which sounds like the air coming through the low flow tubes! Noise is a great thing for a prem baby, they aren't used to being in quiet places. You will certainly see the benefits of that as you go out and about more and realise she can sleep through ANYTHING
Try and pesevere with the self settle routine, if they can learn to put themselves to sleep, it makes is sooooo much easier when they are older and put themselves back under when they stir in the middle of the night.
Congratulations on your tiny bundle of joy, the heartaches & feeling totally ripped off does start to fade, although I never thought it would, and your litle one won't be tiny for long, our 'skun rabbit' is now a whopping 7.6 kilos!