Flat Line

Some of you might know that I recently had a hysterectomy after a tumor was found in one ovary and in my uterus. These coupled with positive ca125 tumor markers left us suspicious of a nasty growth. Pleased to say that all were benign but I had to have the hysterectomy.

So, the day of the surgery came and the anesthetist refused to put me to sleep as I have a history of having a myocardial infarction after Imogen's birth in October 2007. He felt I needed full cardiac work up first. I was rather annoyed at this as I had it all organised. In hospital Sunday pm. OT Monday morning. Home Friday. Neat - clean - simple and straight forward....

Anyway cardiac work up shows nothing abnormal and ot re scheduled for Wednesday at 5pm. I had a very ominous feeling going into ot both this day and two weeks later when I had the biopsies. I actually said to the anesthetist on the day of the biopsies that I felt I was going to have a stroke. He there thered me and I of course didn't... :rolleyes:

Fast forward to the hysterectomy. Ominous feeling. I made sure I said my hellos and love yous to my kids... I felt that I didn't know if I was coming back. But I was not scared or afraid. I am not afraid of death or dying - just not a fan of the sadness it would cause those that love and cherish me! :D

Anyway I said to my doc who is a friend to me we have a beautiful relationship. I am thinking I won't wake up. She told me to just be quiet and take the drugs and let me do this thing...! (in a very kind,loving and humorous way that I share with her).

Anyway half way into the op my bp went way up - and would not come down. Finally it did come down with drugs - about 10 minutes later I went into asystole for long enough to cause much kerfuffle and stress in all involved.

My question... or questions...

I have always believed that when this happens we have been taken to impart some knowledge, strength that we do not have ready access to in this realm. But I don't feel any different. :rolleyes: Only incredibly and incurably needing to know why I experienced what I did. I have a knowing that the reason is there but not yet sure what that reason is.

Sine then I have had a recurring dream. I get into a taxi and instead of a driver in the seat is the most beautiful clusters of chrystals they are huge. One clear quartz and one an amethyst...

Anyone have any ideas???

:bump:

Flowerchild - :hug: firstly I am glad you are ok I was wondering how everything went. No idea what it all means but have you looked into the crystals themselves and what they are used for, which Angels they are connected to etc?

Maybe you are meant to delve more deeply into the healing properties of crystals, sort of a re exploring your spirituality journey.

No idea just putting it out there ;)

Nae x

Flowerchild :hug:
The first thing that comes to my mind reading that dream is your spirituality is in the driving seat IYKWIM. Don't know if that helps but its the first thing that comes to mind!

Ive been mulling this over all night.

But I don't feel any different. Only incredibly and incurably needing to know why I experienced what I did. I have a knowing that the reason is there but not yet sure what that reason is.

Ah but see......I think you may be different and have not noticed it yet...just the fact that you are questioning things is the beginning, a door opening to allowing yourself to be open to what there is ;)

Sine then I have had a recurring dream. I get into a taxi and instead of a driver in the seat is the most beautiful clusters of chrystals they are huge. One clear quartz and one an amethyst...

Take this as a sign that you need to clean the clutter, the bad vibes and hurt from within. Go and buy yourself those crytals and place them in a little pouch and wear them in your bra for a while until you feel the shaking, mist lift

:

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I have always believed that when this happens we have been taken to impart some knowledge, strength that we do not have ready access to in this realm. But I don't feel any different. Only incredibly and incurably needing to know why I experienced what I did. I have a knowing that the reason is there but not yet sure what that reason is.

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Flowerchild, when I took my little walk along the river styx, it took me quite some time afterwards to fully remember and understand the events that I had experienced. First of all, I needed to heal and regain some of my physical strength. Then I needed to find and focus the intent to delve into the knowing that I knew was there but had blocked from my awaking consciousness. The understanding and integration of the experience came in stages, and was part of a larger arc of wholistic healing in my life. Even several years later, a few more pieces clicked into place. For me it was an important part of learning about shamanic journeying, out-of-body, past-life and soul-retrieval processes. However, my experience differs from yours in that my heart did not stop. I took the journey without that physical event. It was also an event that I shared with the baby I was birthing at that time, whereas you went there entirely by yourself.

With regards your dream - it seems to have such luminous clarity - your spirituality is most definitely in the driver's seat of this life event! If I were you, I would meditate on the image of the crystals - find out what their energy is telling you. Perhaps, having understood your life's lesson/purpose on a personal level, it is now time to bring that gift out into the world.

Deb - the crystals themselves are significant indicating healing (particularly the quartz) and calmness and clarity (from the amethyst). Look up both crystals - they are far more pertinent to your current situation than you would expect. I have sent you a PM ;)

Mazzy - I do feel different - so much more peaceful and less worried. I guess more trusting. I had a friend over yesterday and she said: You seem so peaceful... (insert here the doo doo doo doo music...!;))

MD: Can you link me to your story - I remember reading it long ago but I think I would like to read it now after this experience... :hug:

Michelle: Thankyou darling I did read what yousent and it was pretty amazingly relevant hey?! Every time I close my eyes I see the crystals in my dream. It's quite powerful...

I do think that I have been given more strength to keep going in what has been a difficult time for me... I also have come to the realisation that I have no fear of death - that I now know that my life truly is precious.

FC, the thread is here.

Speaking of fear of death - or lack of - this is something that has come up for me again recently, faced with the double-cancer diagnosis. I can honestly say I am not scared of death - I have seen it and know what it is. My fear/pain/anguish about the possibility of leaving the planet "early" is about leaving my girls and my DH and all my loved ones. I spoke with my shaman-teacher-man about this when the 'c-word' first came up. I felt like I needed to confront and overcome all my fear at once (so that I'm healing myself from a place of love and not of fear). But he said, no, this is a healthy fear. It keeps a lot of people on the planet who might otherwise be dropping off like flies (it really is astonishingly easy to die). We need good people earth-side. So now is a really good time to be looking at what keeps you here - what are those most important, most sacred, most meaningful parts of your life. Put your time and energy into those things and give everything else the chop.

I dont think either of you have to worry about the door closing to this life for along time yet

FC - you still have a bit to get over this (medically) and once you feel clear your going to be given a brand new path.....and although you cant have any children physically I see you nuturing in other ways and feeling a void being filled by doing

MD - I see a woman standing at a podium and talking to a group of people..almost councilling...and there's camera's too

Your both amazing woman....when the darkness caem bellowing in...you both found the strength to blow it away with your amazing forsights. You both are an inspiration to me to be true to myself and those surrounding me.

Deb......geraniums........who had geraniums or nasturums in HER gardern??? She says hello and is passing a scone to me

My great gran - she was very psychic and she was into the herbs... She would force feed us until we couldn't move. Scones were her forte... :D

You know she's around then ;).....and that big smile of her's warms the heart in so many ways that others failed to for you when you were a kid. Did she has green kitchen door's????