Stopping co-sleeping, but it 's breaking my heart

Hi all,

Sorry, i'm over tired and hormonal and emotional and need to get this out there.

We have to stop co-sleeping. It's been quite successful for the last year, but ds is an exceptionally light sleeper and soon I'll have a newborn in the room with me as well. It just won't work, and I want to end it now rather than later, so we are all in a stable position when the new baby comes.

But it's breaking my heart :( the poor kid just cries and cries- he's inconsolable. He just wants to be cuddled up next to mummy. And it's so cold at night at night at the moment. And I miss him, I miss having him there and knowing he is safe. I feel so bad- I did this to him and now I'm taking away his comfort and I feel so guilty. And to top all that off, I find myself getting cranky with him at 4am when i've been up to him 6 times and he's still screaming, and that makes me feel more guilty.

Thanks for listening. Going off to have a little cry and hunt down some chocolate.

awwww i'm sorry lori
hope you find some chocolate
has he got a special teddy or something he can snuggle?

aaw honey it isnt easy...
thinking of you. not much i can say to make it easier..

Maybe Rainforest is on a good train of thought. Perhaps you could buy him a teddy that he can snuggle up to in your bed instead of snuggling up to mummy. Then he might start associating the teddy with comfort instead of just you and when you put him back in his own bed the teddy will be a mummy-substitute to some degree...

I've not been through the situation yet though (Kyson is only just over a month old and co-sleeping) so I have no idea if this plan would work :redface: I just hope that you find something that can help you both feel more comfortable at sleepy time :hug: Good luck!

:hug: I have just been through the exact same thing :( Ds has weaned and is now sleeping ion his ouwn bed in his own room! Borke my heart, like you I love the cuddles but with a baby on the way we needed him to be in his own room!

Good luck hun! It will get better just continue with your gentle techniques, we still rock him to sleep. And he will be safe and happy! :hug: xxxxx

Hey LR, missive hugs :hug: we've BTDT too and I so completely know how you feel. We stopped co-sleeping with DS when he was nearly 2, a few months before DD arrived. It was such a terrible few weeks while we all adjusted and I do still miss him (DH doesn't :rolleyes: ). But, on balance, it really was absolutely the best thing we ever did for us as a family. We are all (yes all four of us) sleeping really well now and we still get to have delicious cuddles all together in the morning. A generally consistent good night's sleep is an amazing thing. Keep at it, be consistent, you'll get there, it won't take too long (especially if you are consistent and don't give him mixed messages about what you want him to do). Lots more hugs in the meantime :hug: :hug: :hug:

ETA: I just realised you posted this a few days ago. How are you going?

Got a couple of ideas we have used

mattress on the floor in your room - if/when he wakes you lie on the floor with him then get back up into your bed - once he is comfortable here you gradually move the mattress closer to the door, out the hallway, into his own room - like a travelling caravan (that's what we used to say)

Put a single bed in his room and go and sleep with him. Same concept - once he is settled get up and go back to your bed.

Also how does he fall asleep? If he is used to you laying with him when he falls asleep than you might need to change this as he will be waking expecting you to still be there. We would lie down until DS was almost asleep then move to sit on the floor beside him. Pat, reassure - until DS was comfortable going to sleep with us beside him.

Hope you get some sleep soon :-)

Oh darling I feel for you! We had a little one in hospt a lot and with bad sleeping and I found something that helped us - a t-shirt of mine in bed for him to cuddle. Dont wash it, just wear it to bed and then the next night give it to your bub. Worked well for us when DS was small and worked really well recently when DH went overseas for 3 weeks and left a t-shirt with DS for cuddles at night.

I still lay with DS on his bed most nights and am now getting up just before he is asleep to have him able to get to sleep with just a cuddle so that when this next bub comes he will be ok with me not there for him to fall asleep with.

We were not allowed to let DS cry as he has a heart condition (hence hospt stays) and so had to do very gentle parenting. I feel for you dealing with this and being pregnant at the same time.

Hope it is improving for you. It will get better.

Rachel

I was going to suggest one of your tops for your DS to sleep with - so it smells like you. Hopefully he might find some comfort in that.

I have never co slept with my kids but i can imagine it would be heart breaking to stop.

Good luck - i hope you are finding each day a little easier.

Take care
xxoo

Thanks for your support girls :) I'm happy to report we're doing fairly well, a week or so in. We've gone from hours of screaming to a quick wakeup, drink of water, tuck in and back to sleep (cuddled into Iggle Piggle). That happens up to six times a night, but, hey, it's a work in progess.

So far, so good :)