We seem to be going backwards...and I'm over it.

Charlotte is now just over 18 months old.

She has been fully BF since birth, and will not take formula or bottles or anything like that. She also has never taken a dummy - until recently we have had some bouts of dummy chewing of a night time...

At around 9 months she had begun what I saw as a move towards weaning. We started solids just after 7 months and she had cut down her feeding MASSIVELY and was down to 1 morning, 1 before her nap and 1 before bed. Occasionally it would be more, but 3-5 a day was the most she would ever have.

Then we both got sick - very sick - sore throats and runny noses, just really bad colds.
Then mum got sick and we had to fly to melbourne, where we stayed for the next 6 months. The first 2 weeks we got there were the worst - Charlotte was sick, I was sick and had no energy - we were trapesing back and forth from the hospital everyday and Charlotte was up to feeding every hour at least. She went right of anything except pureed fruit and jarred porridge and was just generally unhappy.

It turns out that the first week we were in melbourne, on top of being freaked out being somewhere new and being sick, Charlotte was cutting her two front top teeth - her first teeth. YAY! lol She would wake every hour of a night and feed constantly - I was exhausted.

Things got a bit better, and over the next 6 weeks her eating improved and was all good again. She would cut 6 more teeth in Melbourne, and although was still feeding about 8 times a day, she was not feeding overnight, and would for the most part sleep through the night.

Since coming back home in February, she has been so clingy, and has been waking for a feed up to 5 times a night.
I am refusign to feed her this often overnight, so end up being up with her trying to get her back to sleep without it, often for an hour or more, only to have her wake up 15 mins later....

I am exhausted. She is feeding what seems like constantly. Will forego lunch for a BF instead. Will cluster feed of a night time before bed to the point where she wont go to bed but wont actually be feeding, just wants to be attached.
She has a teddy ( a couple lol) that she sleeps with, and will cuddle.
Lately I have been trying the weighted blanket idea, I have a fairly large heat bag I put on her over her blankets. Not sure if it is working, she seems to be sleeping longer - she only woke up once the last 2 nights I have used it.

I am at the point though now where we seem to be going backwards - my once brilliant eater is now barely eating dinner, and although she has never been a lunch person, eating anything other than icecream seems to be a miracle.
Even her breakfast is fading by the wayside - she used to eat a full bowl of porridge every morning - now she will barely eat a quater of a piece of toast. Even then it has to have Jam on it.'

I just dont understand why she is going backwards? She weighs around 10kg - has done since her 1st birthday in November. Should I be concerned about that?? She has never been a chubba and her father and his family are tall and thin....

So on to p of all her issues, I have my own - quite frankly (tmi) I want my sex life back. I want my husband to be able to touch my nipples without me wanting to vomit. I want my body back, I want to not feel like I dont want anyone to touch me because I have had someone hanging off a boob all day...
I know that sounds really selfish, and I suppose it is - but Im not sorry about that. She has fed for long enough!!
I wouldnt mind so much if she was appearing to be weaning...or feeding 2-3 times a day...but it is so often, and I am really over trying to deal with her clingyness and her constant groping me.

DH has started back on the mines, and is gone for 2 weeks at a time, this is the first full 2 weeks he has done this time, and I know she is actually aware he is gone now - she asks for him, etc, so I am sure that the situation is not being helped by this, Im sure at night she wont let me put her down because she doesnt want me to leave either.
But we are about to move house, I have ot pack clean move and paint the new house (Charlottes room before we move in) by myself, and that will be nigh on impossible the way things are at the moment.


So I suppose my issue is I want to wean her, but I don't, I want her to do it herself...How can I encourage her to be more independent?
I am going to start her at daycare 1 day a week - she loves playing and other kids, so think that will help her, but Im scared that that is going to make her more clingy, not more independent iywikm.

I want her to eat better so she isnt waking over night hungry because she didnt eat dinner...I want to be able to leave her with someone and know that she isnt going to meltdown because she cant have a feed (she wont take EBM).

How do I wean her? Overnight I have been trying the "boobs are sleeping" but she just cracks it...:(

I dont want to seem like I dont love the cuddles - I will really miss breastfeeding and the intimacy and bonding that goes with that...I dont want to puch her into something she isnt ready for either, but I can tell that most of the time she is only attached from habit - like just now - anything will and can distract her, she gets not even 5 mins a side and then swaps back and forth and is off again and back 20 mins later....


argh! Sorry, thanks for getting this far.


Lex x

no advice on the weaning, but here are some hugs.. :hug:

If it makes you feel any better, my DD has gone to not eaing much, waking multiple times a night, and we have no idea why. She is still only 11 kgs so not much bigger than your little one..

Hope someone pops in with some good advice on the weaning.

:)
Thanks Heather! Good to know we arent the only ones.
:hug:

LS, that sounds exhausting. Night weaning at that age is possible, but easier for some kids than others. I would suggest trying to drop one feed at a time. Replace it with water or just cuddles to start with. It might mean that your DH has to do the settling as this often works better.

Another idea which can work (it did for me with DS1), is to go away overnight without your DD. DH and I went away for one night for some couple time before DS2 arrived. Ironically I was awake most of the night wondering how MIL was going with settling DS1 who at that stage was waking frequently in the night. When we got home we discovered he had slept through the night. And did from then on (well, mostly, but he didn't bf in the night again). Sometimes you need to be away for more than one night, but this often is a successful method. I think it makes a difference when they know the breast isn't going to be there for them.

GL hun.

Hi, Lime,

It seems like you have had a lot going on for your whole family lately. Sickness, partner working away and to top it off, an impending house move are the "biggies" in life.
Your little girl Charlotte seems to be acting completely normally for her age. (not that that makes it any less of a challenge!) Many mothers are aware that from 9-12 mnths their babies are wildly inquisitive with the world around them - barely able to sit still and breastfeed, and into new tastes and textures. At this age many of us feel it wouldn't take much to wean our babies. Yet, after 12mnths they fall in love with breastfeeding all over again, and we feel at times they are almost like newborns. As they become more and more aware of the world, their need for security becomes greater. Yet, as their growthrate slows in the second year, their need for food becomes less. They seem to exist on milk and fresh air alone.
There is no doubt that if you wanted to fully or partially wean right now, you have done an amazing job with your little one, and should only feel pride. Yet, as many of us do, you seem conflicted. There is no doubt we all have "days (sometimes weeks) like that" when we just feel completely "touched out" and feel we have no more to give, yet crave recieving some of that love and nurturing ourselves. Sometimes the pressure to wean comes from without. The "looks" and the "are you still doing that?" questions become more and more pointed. And, the truth is, we have very few breastfeeding role models at that age. The grass starts to look much much greener on the other side of the fence. But often we still sense a need in our child, and maybe ourselves, and that's where the conflict comes in.
You can breastfeed and have a sex life. (Have you ever noticed that the most *attached* parents have the most children? :) The time is probably right for a good talk with your partner - let him know what you you want and need. Chances are he will want it as much as you, and be prepared to do whatever it takes. I would suggest you need a little nurturing of your own. 2 weeks with out a partner is tough going. You would be within your rights to head for the hills (or the shops, or a coffee with a girlfriend) when DP gets home - let him have some quality father/daughter time alone. Remember, this can't go wrong, so some-times you have to let go a little. My dh works away, and I know I used to almost resent him coming home - wrecking my "pattern" (routine would suggest something that didn't really exist) I was almost glad to see him go, while desperately craving having him home. I bet your little one does sleep sometimes. The afternoon, or that early sleep in the evening or maybe in the morning when you two wake a little earlier than she does. (then when she wakes, one of you can take her for breakfast and a little playschool and the other can sleep in a little) It can actually be fun! (yes, really) And I don't think it hurts for them to see mum and dad really love each other! It's funny and sweet that you move them over in bed or onto the floor and they don't even stir. And can even be a little exciting wondering if you will be "caught". You may need a little nurturing to get you in the mood. Taking care of some of the household chores for your partner (the vacuuming and washing for instance!) can be very sexy. A foot rub, a back rub and some nice kissing until you get into it is great (tell him not to be too upset if you just go to sleep the first couple of times.)
Back to Charlotte. She will be fine in creche. A little separation anxiety will be normal. But she will adjust. Chances are, she is waking up in the night because she loves hanging out in mummy;s arms, knowing you are there - not that she is hungry. I bet she won't meltdown if she stays with anyone else. She's cluey, she knows that when you aren't their breast is just not on the menu. But having said that, it can be wonderful including your children in weekends away and dinners out. Different - but fabulous in it's own way.
And, you can always come to BB for a listening ear. Sometimes, we don't want a need a "packaged solution" that comes wrapped with "You've made a rod for your back" We want some acknowledgement of the great but hard job we are doing, and, well, a little vernt! Why the heck not! If you ever need some validation - you've come to the right place. Most of us are quietly taking our hats off to you, you are doing a fabulous job, whichever way you go from here on....

I don't have much advice to offer about weaning either but wanted to comment on the weight thing

My DD has finally hit 9.4kg.. she didn't gain any weight from 6 months old till 16 months. She was 8. (something I forget now)kg But she was happy alert so I ignored the CHN advice to see a pead :/

My Dd is a good eater though. eats lots of things. She is just tiny I guess

I did stop the overnight feeds when Livi was about 12 months as she just wasn't sleeping and just wanted to feed all night. I would take her to bed with me. Offer her a drink of water but told her no Boo boo now its bed time. She rarely wakes for it now. Maybe once a month. She is unwell at the moment and even if she wakes she has no interest in feeding overnight,

not sure if any of that helps but just thought I would share my own experience on it

Alexis, my DD started doing a similar thing at around the same age, after sleeping beautifully through the night she suddenly started waking and wanting bfs. Didn't work well for me, since I was working a few days a week and I didn't get the night before off! We night weaned by offering water, plenty of cuddles and continuing the co-sleeping. (We have always put DD down in her own bed though and just brought her in/let her in when she wakes up). There were certainly a few nights of tears and frustration (on her part and mine!) while she adjusted, but I never denied her the comfort or the thirst-quencher, just not in the way she was used to. It took some time for the old habit to be established, so I expected it to take some time for the new habit to take hold. I was actually surprised that once I was persistent and didn't give in it only took a few nights for her to get used to the idea. Wear something to bed that she can't get past. Be firm but still loving. I too went with the bbs are sleeping at night line, and stuck to it. She got the idea.

GL! I know for me once the night weaning happened it improved her sleeping habits and I felt a lot better. Once I felt better, spending time together and generally enjoying each other (DP and DD as well) was a lot easier! And in our house DP and DD have one morning every weekend where they go and do something fun together until nap time. It's wonderful for all of us! I know your DH goes away, but I would think that would make it even more enjoyable for both of them to make it a habit when he returns to spend time alone with her.