Why do I feel so awful?

I finally caved and gave my DS a dummy :(.

Please, don't get me wrong, I have nothing against dummies. I completely respect and understand why people give their bubbas dummies. Up until now though, I had managed to get away with not giving DS a dummy. I guess I just never felt that he needed one - he's quite a settled baby and not an overly 'sucky' baby either.
He does, however, have a bit of trouble getting to and staying asleep during the day. He sleeps wonderfully at night, but during the day I often have to rock or feed him to sleep, and then I'm lucky if he sleeps for an hour.

I was just trying to rock DS to sleep this afternoon, and he just would not sleep even though I could tell he was really tired. I'd think he'd drifted off, but then he'd lift his head up and look around again - he has to look at everything these days. I had a dummy stashed away in a drawer, and just thought I'd give it a try. After a few goes, he finally accepted it - I put him down, and 5 minutes later he's fast asleep. That's great... so then why do I feel so awful? :( :wall:
Really - I'm crying and everything, and I don't understand why!?!

Has anyone else felt this way? I feel so awful, like I'm not doing my job as his mother, iykwim. :( Why do I feel so guilty about something that I never thought I had a problem with?

Don't feel bad, if anything, I think you're a good mum for recognising that your son was tired and needed sleep.

Why are you upset? Please don't think that was an off the cuff remark. Are you worried what others will think? How long he will have a dummy for? Dummy removal when the time comes?

I too had issues with all these things. In hospital, the MW asked me if I had a dummy, "No son of mine will have one of those things" I replied. That was Day 3. Day 7 we get home and I caved. Best thing I ever did! It allowed my son to settle without me always being there. He had one until he was 10 months.

Also, at 4 months I was still rocking my son to sleep too.....they grow out of it. Just enjoy the cuddles for now. You're doing great hun.

:hug: to you.

I felt this way when I first started giving my baby a dummy. I almost feel like I had to do it in secret because of a lot of the comments I got . . . some even suggesting that I was just being lazy. I came to the conclusion that my baby needs to sleep and if a dummy helps with that, then excellent. My babies have both had them as comfort objects, just like a teddy bear or a blankie.

I think more power to parents who decide to do it without a dummy, but at the end of the day, it doesn't really make any difference, except to my own sanity (and I need my sanity).

I think someone else posted about 'mummy guilt' in another thread - I think it is a valid point - as mum's we feel guilty about everything we do because we are trying to do the best by our babies. It doesn't go away as they get older, it just gets moved onto different issues. I think we just need to find a way to get passed the guilt and remember that everything we do is for the benefit of our babies . . . even if other people would do it differently.

dont feel bad babe! You are not a bad mum and you did what was need for you bub to have a sleep. Its really no different to not going out somewhere when they are tiered or taking them for a walk - anything to get them to sleep!
I used a dummy form when Bella was born as she is a natural sucker and loves to have the dummy in her mouth when she goes off to sleep... and so be honest it is so nice to hear that quiet little succking noise when she is asleep at night...
You should feel proud that you did what was nessecary for the well being fo you bub!

Kate xox

:hug: sweetie.

I posted the same thing when I had to cave in. Every decision is hard as a parent and it is a constant worry, "am i doing the right thing?" But I am slowly learning that the right thing is what ever you think is right for your child.

DD now has a tummy, has had one for a couple of months now. She finds comfort in it and I feel good knowing that she is getting conmfort from it. She only has it to sleep or when she is grizzly, now we have the prob of keeping the dummy in her mouth when she spits it out. :)

I also like that she used the dummy to go to sleep and often during her sleep as it has be known to reduce SIDS risk.

Unfortunately though, DD has expensive taste in dummies and only likes the avent ones and whenm I tried to move her up to 3-6mth avent ones, she didnt want a bar of them. She likes her 0-3mth one! Funny little thing.

Lots of :hug: to you

Oh hun I felt the same way! I never wanted to use dummies but only made it to day 5. It was very very early in the morning and she just wanted to suck constantly but not feed. My nipples were so sore I couldn't handle it anymore, and she was overtired and needed sleep. I pulled the dummy out of the cupboard, stuck it in her mouth, and cried. I felt like I had let her and DH down. I freaked about what he would think when he woke up and saw it in her mouth. In hindsight now, I love dummies! They comfort her so well and I just can't be there for her like that all the time.

:hug: You are an amazing mum, please don't let this dent your confidence.

Thank you so much for your replies! You have no idea how much your replies and support have helped me - I feel a million times better :grouphug:.

Sequoia: I don't know why I was so upset... it certainly wasn't about what other people would think, cause if anything I've had people asking me why I don't use a dummy. It was one such comment that prompted me to buy a dummy for 'just in case'. I guess I am a little concerned about DS getting too attached to a dummy, but I'm already beginning to feel better about it. Isn't it amazing how much some kind, understanding words make!!!

Townsvillegirl: I should try and find the thread about mummy guilt - I never imagined how guilty I would feel about so many things having a baby. If it wasn't the dummy, it would be something else :rolleyes:.

Kafer Girl: That's a really good point, about dummies being the same as not going out when bub is tired, etc. It's just another method of getting bub to sleep. Thank you.

AliBaby: :hug: Thanks hun! I actually do remember you posting that thread. I completely sympathised at the time, but now I really know how you felt. It's so comforting to have other mums who have felt the same, and it really does help me to feel better about it. Lol about your fussy Miss A - guess she knows what she likes!

Oscaroscar: Thank you :hug:. I have a feeling I'm really going to love dummies too. I mean, I was so upset this afternoon, but I've given DS the dummy again for his evening nap, and he's fallen asleep with no effort required on my behalf. Usually it would have been a great deal of rocking, shooshing, and singing. I have free time :o!

I messaged my DH about it, and about how awful I felt - and he was so supportive as well, which made a great difference. He, along with you lovely ladies :) made me see it differently - made me see that rather than the dummy taking my place, it's just the next best thing to me being there all the time, which of course, I can't be.
I'm still getting used to the way he looks with a dummy in his mouth - it looks wrong somehow, but he's sleeping so peacefully, I can't believe how well it works. Do I just leave the dummy in his mouth while he sleeps?

Thanks again for your replies. You turned a blubbering mess into a contented mummy :).

Don't pull the dummy out! That usually wakes DD1 up :doh:. Even though I hate her sleeping with a dummy in her mouth, I usually leave it there because she spits it out eventually.

Actually someone mentioned 'mummy guilt' in passing in TL's thread called 'When things don't go the way you planned' or something along those lines (it's in the parent debriefing section).

Glad you are feeling better! I don't think men are ever really as bothered by it - I actually think my DH preferred the dummy because it was something he could use to settle our babies as he doesn't have the other necessary apparatus to do it ;) They cried less when he held them when they had dummies which he also enjoyed.

And . . . if it makes you feel any better - SIDS and Kids have been doing some research to see if dummies could possibly reduce the risk of SIDS in small babies as the sucking mechanism encourages breathing. There is no conclusive evidence though but it is something that has been suggested and may be of benefit.

sweet never wantedv to use dummies made it to night of day 4 and even dh caved we only use it when we need to and she spits it if she does not want it

I felt exactly the same way when I gave DS a dummy.. TBH I felt like a failure, I felt like I couldn't comfort my baby and a silly bit of plastic could.

It is a mummy guilt thing, takes over rational thinking and makes you feel like your the worst mummy in the world, but you know what you are a fantastic mummy who knows her DS so well and knows just what will make him feel better.

HTH
Spring xx

I felt the same. And it was because i had to keep rock and patting him to sleep. The thing is, he now needs a dummy PLUS the rocking and patting!! GRR! But it only takes like 10 mins tops to get him asleep now and after a little bit he spits it out in his sleep and doesnt wake. I just hope i can wean him off it before he is 1 because DD had the dummy until she was 4 and its ruined her teeth and she has a lisp because of it. DS1 however was weaned at 1 and has no problems at all.