Preparing to be a single mother. Any tips?

Hi ladies,

I did a google search for 'single pregnant scared' and came across this forum and I am so glad I did.

I am 23, nearly 11 weeks pregnant with my first wee baby, and every day I am unsure as to whether I am about to become a single mother-to-be. Here is my story in a nutshell.

I was in the UK on a working holiday visa, where I met the love of my life in Scotland at the place I was working. He had recently come out of a relationship where he and his ex have a young son together, and his ex made our lives very difficult because she wanted him back. This forced us to look at moving to Australia so we could live in peace.

It was at this time that I found out I was pregnant (not planned!), so I came back to Australia, and he was to follow when his visa was approved (can take up to 5 months-visa still not quite submitted).

He is struggling with the idea of leaving his life in Scotland behind, as well as his young son, friends and family. Whilst he assures me that he loves me and wants to be with me and have a family together, our relationship is uncertain with all this stress he is under, and I feel that I need to be prepared for anything to happen.

I am not working currently, so financially it will be a struggle as a single Mum I am sure, but I have the most wonderful, supportive family and friends. Without them, I don't know that I could do this.

All your encouraging advice has really lifted my spirits, and knowing that there are other ladies going through the same thing that have made a go of it fills me with hope, and I feel less alone.

Do any of you have any tips or suggestions for what I can do to make things easier on myself in the coming months? I am scared of being alone.

Hey

I'm almost 22 weeks now with a baby boy and getting ready to be a single mum. The most important thing I think is getting a network around you - family, friends, whoever shows interest. It's funny that some of the folk I thought would be there for me are kinda drifting into the background, and others I thought wouldn't be so supportive are stepping up and really being involved. So I'm kinda watching carefully to see who will be my "village" for this baby - you know the whole "it takes a village to raise a child" saying.

And I've read that it can help to let those in your village know what your needs are - they aren't mindreaders. So I have some friends who are willing to help with cleaning and cooking, some who are there to be called at 2am and some who are just there to be loving aunties and uncles and spoil the kid with love. You can't force people into roles they don't want - and that includes the baby's father!

Investigate with Centrelink too to see what support you may get and also try and find support groups. Do as much preparation as you can before the birth - I have this huge folder I call the " Baby Project" cause I know after the birth it's going to get harder!

Most importantly - try not to let the fact you may end up a single mum lessen the joy of having this baby. It's love and dedication and a stable environment that make a happy child - most research shows that the stable enviornment doens't have to be two parents! You're going to be okay - there are lots of us doing it this way and I just keep telling my belly "you are loved, and wanted, no matter what"!!

Hi ladies
It's unfortunate but comforting to know others are out there in a similar situation. Newmummy85, my fingers are all crossed for your man to at least give it a try in Australia. I think that's the least he can do when you're carrying the baby. I also think that the support he can give you while you're going through the hormonal changes would be great. Unfortunately my partner lacked the understanding of hormonal changes. Have you discussed doing a trial run?
Tecopa, is this your first child?
My story - i'm now 24 weeks pregnant and after a weekend involving the police I am newly single with court for a DVO on Thursday. I haven't worked since March when I was made reduntant, then 3 months of morning sickness, then no one wanting to hire a pregnant woman:wall:. Now that we are single I am on Centrelink Newstart allowance, I am doing a Productivity Places Program free course (Cert IV Training and Assesment) and also another free government funded course (Cert III in Events). This i'm sure will keep me busy but at the moment i keep thinking my future looks bleak and lonely and i'm scared too. It's hard to contemplate antental classes on my own, birth on my own and obviously the first few months of stumbling through when bub is here. Not to mention now we have to sell the house and I have to find somewhere to live and sell my staffy pup. These forums (this one and Mother and Baby) keep me going. I can't seem to find anyone in Cairns, where i live, in a similar situation though so i'm hoping to meet some great women in my antenatal when it starts. I do have great parents though and my sister is also wonderful. They'll be my new birthing partners I guess. It's not the same as sharing the moment with the man you chose to be there with you though.
I'm not working either and will be doing my studies on line so if either of you want to catch up on MSN just let me know:-). xxoo

Im a Single mummy in Cairns. My son Aiden is 13 months and Im 13 weeks pregnant with triplets Im just going to take it one day at a time and trust in me cz I know whats best for my kids. If anyone wants to chat to me on msn my addy is rhiannonandaiden@live.com.au

Hello

Sorry to hear about your current situation. I have to agree with advice offered in response to your request for advice. I am too preparing to be a single parent and find that it is important to surround yourself with people who are supportive hence the reason why I joined BB as there are so many single parents out there that we can relate to, share our experiences and support one another. Add me cary-lea@hotmail.com if you ever want to talk or vent. I hope that everything works out with your partner.

congratulations on your pregnancy!

Sorry things arent going the way you planned with bubs father. It is so great that you have a wonderful support system in place for the pregnancy and new bubba, really thats all you need, the rest will work it self out. I hope things turn out the best they can for you xx

The latest is that baby's dad and I are over. He basically said that I can't go back to Scotland (because his ex is crazy) and he can't come here because either way he will never get to see his son (who's mother is the crazy ex) again.

He is totally against going down the legal path with her because he knows what she's capable of.

Anyway, he said that in a perfect world we would be together but he can't sacrifice his son for us. It's a few weeks on since then and i'm still pretty devastated. He hasn't handled things very well and wasn't contacting me for a while there because he said he didn't know what to say. He used to say I was the love of his life so I don't understand how he can give up so easily. I would move heaven and earth to be with him.

He says he wants to be part of baby's life as much as he can from a distance, but one day down the track I hope to move back to Scotland with or without him, because I love it there. Right now though I think I need my family.

I try to be strong but sometimes I have such moments of weakness and end up texting him emotional things like 'how could he leave us?'

I'm so excited about being a Mummy and just found out i'm having a girl!! :) I want her to know that her Daddy loves her, and not to feel like she is missing out on anything. I worry about Father's Days and what the kids at school will say. I worry about when people refer to her 'parents' down the track when there is a possibility she may not know her dad very well (if at all).

Today is Sunday and I have been alone all day (but been chatting away to my wee girl hehe). I went out for brunch and everyone around me seemed happy and in love. That loneliness can really hurt, and it seems amplified on Sunday's. I cope pretty well 70% of the time, the other 30% is hard. But I have faith that it will be okay.

Thanks for your replies ladies x

It is hard on your own but it will give you and your DD a really close relationship. My DD and I had a few years on our own and I think she secretly would like it to still be that way sometimes LOL
I hope your X comes around and realises that this little girl is as important to him as his DS but its hard for guys sometimes to visualise an unborn baby when they already have a bond with their child.
Good luck in the next few months, BB is a great place to find support so stay in here!

Congratulations on the preg.

Sorry to hear things haven't worked out well so far.
Definatly work on building a support network around you and also tap into community organsiations that runs different types of programs for single parents. It's also a good way to make new friends.
Hope it works out for you.
xx

Aiden and I have a great relationship from it being the two of us and daycare have been very understanding that were a single parent family and Im ok with that. Im expecting 3 little girls too and while Im worried about those things too I know that I can be enough for them. Trust yourself darl