Fears of something happening to my child

How do I deal with this???

I feel that since DD was born I have had so many fears of her being taken from me.
My mind is always turning to the worst.

It has gotten worse since I joined a cause on FB for the awareness of SIDS and I read the wall posts and was in tears for all these parents or people who knew someone who had their child taken from them by SIDS. I couldnt even begin to imagine what these parents are going through each day.

I am finding it sometimes consuming me and dont know how to deal with it.

I have also had awful nightmares about DD dying and I know its because I am worrying about it.

Some examples:

- I was bathing DD and was thinking what if her head went under water and she drowned (I know she wouldnt because I am with her but it still play on my mind)
- I accidently bumped her head on the roof of the car when I was getting her in her seat today and I was thinking the whole way home what if I have given her bruising on her brain??
- When I put her down each night I check on her constantly just checking she isnt face down.

There are lots more but I wont write them all.

How do I deal with? Does anyone feel the same way?

I just love her so much, she is my world.

Is this something that a parent always feels no matter how old their children get??

Probably a dumb post but felt I needed to get it out.

I M like that too. I keep thinking what if I accidentally drop her!


Also I am a constant fear the DS might drown. That he will wander off and get into water somehow. Recently I read something about Jamie Bulger. THen I was terribly upset about that little boy and was thinking about how easy it would be to lose DS at the shops and someone could take him.

I think you are having natural fears that come with being a parent. My mum will say that it never ends. She still worries about us. The while time I was in labour, she worried that something would happen to me and the baby.

Babe, it is certainly not a dumb post. I think I can safely say, that EVERY parent has felt this when they have given birth. Especially their first baby! And I know, in my mind I will probably always feel like that due to the life that I have led, I don't want her to experience the pain and torment that I have felt in my life. I really don't know how YOU personally can deal with yours but for me I know that i can only do everything in MY power to keep her safe and healthy and happy and that's all that I can ask for. I hope you find some answers to help you understand why you are feeling the way you are. Just know that you are an amazing mummy and you have one very lucky girl on you :hug:

Thanks hun, I am kind of re-assured to know my fears arent unrealistic of being a parent.

It is not a problem for me that I have to wrap her up in cotton wool but I dont want it to get out of hand.

Ali, I do think most people feel like this ast one time or another. Our kids are our whole world and we are their protectors, it's natural to worry about things happening to them. I was absolutley terrified of SIDS. Do you have a breathing monitor? That really helped to ease my anxiety.

I found this eased slightly for me as ds got older and less 'fragile'- they are so tiny and vulnerable when they're newborns. And you're dealing with a whole stack of love, so strong you could drown in it; not to mention the sleep deprivation, and all that makes you feel vulnearable too.

Normal as it is, if you find it's becoming a problem for you- that you worry about to the point where it starts to rule your life, and you avoid doing things for fear for something happening, and you're anxious all the time- it might be something to mention to your gp. While it's normal to worry, you don't want to lose your perspective- the chances of something bad happening are very very slim.

I have te same feelings. I always worry something will happen to one of my kids

and silly ones to. like we went to lookout once that is right over a cliff. I was so paranoid one of the kids was going to fall off and what would I do. would I jump after them or what... the whole time I was there I kept thinking the same thought. to the point I didn't enjoy the lookout.

night time we both check the kids a few times before we go to bed. and if we wake during the night we check and they are all older then your DD and I have been like this since my eldest was born

As for scared of things I think all kids have fears of things. My Ds2 used to hate grass and sand even cement. He had issues at birth though so was assessed thru the hosp and they said he had sensory issues. One day he just stopped doing it. He didn't walk till 18 months and it was prob around his 2nd birthday we realised he was happy to walk on the grass, beach ect

I agree with Lori. A breathing monitor really put my mind at ease and i wish we had it for our eldest as I was so scared of SIDS. (still am but not as much)

:hug:

Ali - Thanks for posting this thread.

I feel exactly the same way you do about being fearful of all the things that could happen. I watch those Red Kite ads on TV about childhood illness and worry about my kids. I cry all through the news whenever there is a story about children and can't watch those shows where they do things for families with sick children. I am a mess. I am currently pg with my third child and I feel exactly the same way I did when I had my first - very protective. I think it is instinct.

It is so good to know that I am not the only one that worries about my kids. I know it is irrational to worry about it so I try to focus on the present. I think I have come to the conclusion that I will try and be as proactive about safety and a healthy lifestyle as I can (without going too far) and if something horrible happens, I will deal with it if I ever need to. I don't want to spend my kids' whole childhood worried about something that might not (and probably won't) ever happen.

Every stage of having kids is hard and something to worry about. I think it is good to talk about your fears. I think you need to get them out and know that it is a normal part of being a parent to feel that way. I also think it is important to find a way to put them aside and enjoy the here and now of a healthy and happy baby.

This thread has given me lots to think about and made me feel a little more normal for the way that I feel at times. I have really appreciated other people's posts in here as well. Thanks everyone :)

Ali :hug:
I still think about those things constantly and logan is 2!!!
kids & water sends shivers down my spine. i hate the thought of it.
I'll have to agree with everyone else im sure it is completly normal what you are feeling :)

Ali,

Thanks for posting this. I too feel the same way. I thought i was being so pessimistic. I keep thinking the worse and really my heart just sinks and skips a beat.

For example, when she is climbing on something, I always think what if she fell down and become paralysed.

And when i am carrying her i always think what if i slip and she falls down on the cement and dies.

Seriously, i was going to post about this myself as like you it has been consuming me too.

It makes me feel so sad just the thought of if i was to lose her. I love her so much that every time i think about DD my heart just fills up (like its going to explode!) so hard to explain but I cannot imagine life without her... and if anything happened to her... I would take my own life! *knock on wood*

Thanks for sharing as at least I now know it is common and not because it could be intuition that something might happen.

:grouphug: I cant tell you enough that you girls posting what you have has made me feel so normal. I was worried that this fear is irrational but knowing that you all feel like this makes me realise that it is something that comes along with being a parent and loving someone so much.

I am crying writing this.

Phoenixml- thats exactly what I was thinking. Am i being irrational or is this my intuition that something bad is going to happen so this has put my mind at ease alot.

Thanks again girls.

Ali - right now I am tying myself in knots with extreme and probably near irrational paranoia about SIDS. I lost a neice to SIDS in 07 and its so bad I can't even seem to look forward to my babies arrival. I am so scared of losing her that I am near enough too afraid to accept her in the first place.

on the flip side...

When Sam had his near drowning on NYD, I had nightmares for months afterwards. I couldnt close my eyes without seeing him in the water. I was literally passing out from exhaustion at night rather than going to sleep.

There is a saying in a signature around here I think is suited to this thread.

having a child is forever having your heart to walk around outside your body.

A certain amount of these fears is, imo, healthy. It keeps you alert to dangers. But don't let them control you. Have confidence in yourself to be a mum because you are aware of these things. But never relax from the fear enough to let your guard down.

Oh boy...me too...and I thought it was just me....

For me I was fine with the first two, it was with DS2 that we had problems form the day I went to give birth, which resulted in me constantly worrying about him.
He's 7 now & I still freak out if he gets a cold :redface: although it is getting better as he gets older.

Now that this one is on the way I have the same worries & fears cropping up again.

One thing I will say - I agree that a certain amount of fear & worry is healthy, and a certain amount is unavoidable.

But if you find it becoming really debilitating, get help... I have ended up with anxiety issues worrying about EVERYTHING...and I eventually got help...while I still worry, it doesn't rule my life anymore.

:hug:

Having been diagnosed with anxiety i know these fears are very real. I know someone who lost her little girl last year to SIDS and not one night goes by where i don't panic about Orson in case the same thing happens to him. Every night when i go to bed i check to make sure he is breathing and most times he ends up waking up just so i know he is alive. Heck, i still worry about Charlie sleeping and he is 2.5! Also with them running off and getting lost at shopping centres terrifys the hell out of me. They are always running off and my heart stops until i find them. I don't like them going near railings on balconies or near those glass boudaries on top level shopping centres. It always makes me feel sick when they do. I am even reluctent for them to play on playground equiptment in case they fell off and hurt themselves badly, which has happened before though luckly no broken bones. I live in fear every day, thinking of the worst possible scenarios that probably won't even happen. However, i think that fear is just one of the cons of being a parent but also shows just how much we do love our children. It's bittersweet.

i have these same fears and often have nightmares about my kids , esp when i have a bad day and DD wont sleep and DS chucks major tanites . at the end of the day im mad at my babies . thats when the nightmares are worse . lately its been so much of a bad problem that i could be in the middle of something and then a flash in my mind brings up awful images of my childeren being hurt.

I am an anx. OCD adn PND sufferer and lately its such a burden i think i have to do something about it . DOnt let the thoughts get too bad , or dont let it consume you , its almost taking over my life atm . to the point where i hardly sleep as im checking on my kids all the time .

I was talking to a nurse whom i admitted my fears to and she said to me that i have 2 healthy kids , so anything spontaneoulsy happening is very slight ... so now when i panic in the middle of the night i have to repeat affirmations to my self that my kids are healthy and strong .

the thoughts are not nice and combined with my over active imagination , the fears of mine are usually CSI style and most unlikely to happen , but that doesnt stop me from panicinkg about them

:hug: if you feel the emotions/fears are taking over too much , talk to someone like a nurse/councillor and the ladies here on BB .. xxxx

Ali - I still feel like this with both of my girls. It actually got worse for me when DD2 was born and I kept thinking how we could have lost her. Then I started thinking of all the things that could go worng with DD1 now that she is more independant. I'm not so worried about things with SIDS with DD1 but more like her running onto the road etc. DD2 I constantly check her breathing to make sure she is ok.

Sometimes I just have to take deep breaths and make myself think positively because if I kept thinking like that then it would be debilitating. I make sure I think of possible dangers, try to minimise them and then move on. Focus on what you can control, not what you can't.

I too have these fears, sometimes to the extreme as I have an anxiety disorder. I highly recommend some meditation. I am still in the process of trying to do it regularly, but it does calm the mind. I actually went to a counsellor at the hospital when I was pregnant with DS as I didnt know how I was going to cope with the anxiety of having three.
I was sent to Calmbirth classes mainly to learn relaxation. I have just bought a mediation cd and have got a cd headset thing to listen to it in bed. It really does help, although Im not sure the anxiety ever goes. Another thing is being VERY conscious of negative thoughts, and making them into positives. xo

I have all these awful visons of DS1 dying. I think it because he is going through a stage where he doesn't want to listen to or follow instructions. I keep imagining him running in front of a car or off a cliff or something else equally terrible.
Every now and then I worry about DS2 and SIDS, but I think too much of my energy is spent worrying about the big one who does things I can prevent that I don't get to worry about him as much. Poor neglected second child. :p

I am pretty sure we are all normal. :lol:

Ali,
I feel like I could have posted the same thing word for word...
I am so paraniod about DD and god, where does it stop?? I check her breathing AT LEAST 3 times per half hour nap, at night DP and I take turns... Then I worry about when she is older and goes out drinking... not to mention other things and I feel like I dont even want to say it aloud in case the universe hears me... OK I know Im sounding absolutely crazy... :redface:
I guess its good to know we arent alone in our fears... I wish I could not worry but then on the other hand you cant go around thinking the world is completely safe, because its not. Sorry Im typing gibberish.
Your not alone!