Where two embies were replaced, but only one made it...

Hi all,
Just a quick question...I am wondering what others feel where they have had two embies put back but only one has taken?

I know that this is prob a strange question now as we are close to the birth of Tex, but I cant help but think about the other embie and that 'what if' - Tex would have had a twin brother or sister. It is hard to explain, and I have not even tried with DH as I think he will look at me as if mad, afterall we have a wonderful baby on the way, but I just cant help feel the loss of that little one - and it seems to be getting stronger the closer we come to meeting Tex.

It also seems to be more than with the others we lost in earlier transfers - maybe because this time we had a positive and so it is all the more real that our embies could become babies.

Has anyone else experienced similar feelings - or am I just too tired already:wall:

Thanks
FG

Hi FG,

I dont think its a strange question at all. Personally, I've only had two put back once and neither decided to stay but I will say that every single embryo I've had transferred I still think about and wonder 'what if'.

IVF is so unique in that you actually see your 'children' from the very beginning. I think what you are feeling is probably natural. I also think as you are about to have Tex the whole process is so much more real - you know that tiny embryo you saw on transfer day actually becomes a real live baby, and there was one that didn't get that chance. It's all so real to you now.

Not too helpful but wanted to let you know that your feelings make sense to me. Best of luck for a wonderful birth and finally getting to meet your Tex!

Not a strange question but I kind of feel the same way about that other little embie that didn't survive as I do about my other 5 that were put in that didn't take before.

I feel a closeness to them however I also believe that though beautiful they just were not meant to be. This little one however was strong enough to survive and was ready to become part of this world.

I have to agree with infinity though..it is truly a remarkable gift that we are given to see our children right from the beginning. It certainly puts a positive light on IVF which I love. Many, many people never get that chance.

Just my take on things!

Best of luck with everything xx

FG I know exactly how you feel so you are defnitely not alone.
I think the failure of an embie to continue after IVF is very similar to a m/c
All but one of my pgs were achieved with ART. The last 2 cycles being IVF. My first IVF/PGD cycle we transferred 2 and neither progressed to a BFP - it really rocked me and I still have similar feelings about those embies as i do about all the babies we have lost to m/c/
This pg has been by far the worst. 2 embies transferred and both stuck so we had the very real prospect of twins for a number of weeks, seeing healthy HBs several times. Then we lost "upsy's" twin at 8 weeks... a very traumatic complete m/c. Upsy some how stuck through that and many complications since so yes, i too know i should feel truly blessed to still be expecting a child ( and i am!). However, like you, as this pg progresses, I feel the loss of her twin more and more. I can't actually post in some forums because of the number of twin pgs in there and every time i go anywhere, there are just twins, twins and more twins. The what ifs are a horrible part of IVF &/or m/c which never go away. We just have to try and move forward and focus on the "what we have".
I hope the arrival of Tex brings you enough joy to at least dampen the losses a touch

I guess everyone reacts differently. But just personally i am constantly wary of comparing my situation of losing embryos that haven't taken to those who have had actual miscarriages. Just the pain & suffering that these beautiful women have to go through after losing such a miracle is so hard to watch (and it appears that you are one of them MeredithD and I am so sorry you have had to go through it!).

Hope you are feeling ok about it all FG!