Feeling pysically sick after finding out somone in particular is Pg

I recently discovered that a woman I know is pregnant. We have been pregnant at the same time as each other with our previous 3 babies. I felt horrible when I saw she was pregnant with her 3rd because she was further along than me and I had lost my 4th pregnancy months before. DD#3 and her 2nd DC attend the same fungroup and I was actually going to ask her earlier in the year if she was pregnant only because I was and I thought it fitting that she would be also... anyway when it was mothers day at fungroup I saw she had a tiny belly and I thought... OMG she is pg!! Then I thought, Nah, that's just me thinking everyone is pregnant. I spoke to her later about losing Banjo etc.
I went to pick up DD#3 from fungroup on Friday and I wanted to get there in time to see if she actually was pregnant because I hadn't seen her for a few weeks... well when I saw her my heart dropped into my stomach, she had a very obvious baby bump. I went up to her and congratulated her and said I knew she would be pregnant considering I was recently etc. She said when we spoke she was going to say something but it was only early days for her....
Now I can't stop thinking about it and I feel sick when I do, I can't sleep. I keep wondering if it was a dream.... I feel so sad and it makes me cry when I think about it. I have had no problems with anyone else.

Why on earth would I be behaving like this? She is a lovely person, although I only talk to her very briefly and very rarely. It's really hit me hard and I wish I would just stop it!

:hug:

Tanya, i posted a similar sort of thing recently about a friend of mine who has fallen pregnant too. It turns out that when i lost my baby she had found out she was pregnant too - but under different circumstances.

Anyway - i believe that what you are feeling is very normal - its only natural to feel very sad about this. You have been pregnant at the same time before. You cant help how you feel - there are so many emotions involved ! You have a history together - even if you arent close.

I am sorry - i am not very good at articulating ! I know what i want to say but i cant get it on paper - so to speak.
Dont feel bad for feeling like this.

Just take care and please know that your feelings are very normal. I dont blame you one bit for feeling this way !
Sorry for my ramble !

xxxxxooooo
ETA - I guess partly what i am trying to say is that - i want what my friend has ! I want to be pregnant too - I should be pregnant too ! I feel ripped off. I have been assured this is normal though. I can only assume that this is how you feel too ?

Hey Tanya,

:hug: ohhh its a tough one isn't it. What you are feeling is very normal hun, I think when you have such a history with her in regards to your pregnancies you do feel a bit more of a bond with her than some other mums.

It could also just be one of those moments in time - you feel really crappy for a weeks or so then perk up again, I still do have times like this and something like what you have mentioned will trigger it.

I wish I could offer some advice but for me it seems like grief is a rollercoaster, full of highs and lows and you never know whats around the next bend.

Perhaps you'll find the next time you see her it won't be as bad as this time.

All my love and hugs :hug: :comfort:

Nae x

guess it could be because you have always had that connection with her because of sharing your previous pg's together and now you're not and it seems like she is kinda moving forward kwim? Gosh I hope that comes across right :hug:

Your emotional reaction sounds perfectly normal Tanya. Just because you are sad doesn't mean you are not happy for her - of course you are. But it is lovely to be pregnant at the same time as others you know, and you are probably partially mourning the loss of this bonding experience as well as the loss of the baby.

I am in the exact reverse situation and it is very hard for me to come to terms with;
my SIL and I had our first babies within weeks of each other - it was so fantastic to both be pregnant at the same time as we did not expect it. When I announced my BFP with 2#in March I could see she was happy for me but longed to be in my boat. DH and I were saying prayers that she would soon conceive. A month or so later we got her excited announcement. We both had problem-free first pregnancies so shared our news with each other relatively early. I was so excited to have my belly buddy on board again, and that our second bubs would be so close yet again.

Just last week we received a very sad announcement.....her baby appeared to have 'not formed properly' when they went for the scan, and the outcome would be bleak.
I was so devastated when she told me - it all just seemed so perfect. And now when I see her every week at family dinner I feel awful, like I want to hide my bump so as not to remind her of her loss. When people ask me questions about the pregnancy in front of her I shrug them off as though I am indifferent towards it. I hate to think that I may be causing her more pain. It sucks either way you look at it. Life can be so cruel....
I just hope you both get sticky BFP's soon!! :pray:

Hi Tanya,

I feel the same way about a few people i know who are pregnant, except i am avoiding them because it makes me cringe seeing them pregnant, and when i found out they were pregnant it was still early days for them, i lost my son at 20.1wks, and i dont want to watch them get past that gestation because i dont want to know about it, and be reminded of what i could have had,

It makes me wonder why dont i deserve a successful pregnancy too? what did i do? because my pregnancy was going fine and losing him happened out of no where, and these 2 people i know who are pregnant, are not really close friends, but i do know them well, and they smoke & drink often and are just clueless about everything, and i wonder what makes them better suited mothers, why do they get this right now, when i dont, and the innocence of pregnancy isnt ruined for them, so they can enjoy their pregnancy without worry, while now if i ever fall pregnant again, im going to be paranoid.

I understand how you feel, its normal, i dont want to feel this way about them, but i cant help it, if i was still pregnant and didnt lose my son, i would be celebrating with them and helping them out, but i just cant do it and i dont want to know about their pregnancies, and i dont think theres anything wrong with that, i need to care about my emotions and i dont want them getting out of control, i hope you can control your feelings too, because its hard feeling this way.

:hug:

Thank you all so much,
I still find myself feeling cold at the thought of this. I have even contimplated moving DD to a different fungroup to avoid it all together... *sigh*

Tanya,

Its been a while since we last chatted and im so sorry to hear that you lost Banjo to the angels :hug:

As for feeling physically ill, its quite normal hun. When i found out a certain couple were pg after we had lost our first angel, I started vomitting, thankfully it was in the car on the way home from their place. I was happy for them, but it ripped my insides out knowing that my belly was now empty and hers was full. Sometimes emotions are so strong, and its not about her being pg, its about your feelings and your loss, that they take over physically.

I hope time will bring back the pieces of your broken heart. These strong feelings you have now will settle but again only with time..
Lisa xx