Can't I push when I feel like it??

Maybe I watch too much telly, but anyway.

I didn't really feel any urge to push with DD, I just did when I felt a contraction come.
With DS the urge to push was uncontrollable and my body did most of it (yeah I know!) without too much pushing from me. (yay!).

Thing is, I would like to avoid an internal at any time of possible, but I would also like to push when my body tells me to.
Can you feel like pushing before you are fully dilated? I have heard about people pushing before they are ready, or being told not to.

How the hell am I supposed to know???!!!

Just something that has being playing on my mind - can anyone enlighten me?

actually, does someone want to move this into the "ask a birth attendant" section?

It may be more appropriate there.

Do a google for "Pushing for first time moms" Gloria Lemay (She's Canadian hence the weird spelling) It applies to all mamas, not just first timers.

The best way I've heard pushing described is taking over your body in the same way that vomitting does. You can't stop a vomit and you can't stop a push. Lots of women get a "rest and be thankful" stage after they dilate fully. This can last up to several hours and allow a woman to get some sleep, food, drink, a final gathering of strength both emotionally and physically. Sometimes it's to allow a baby to rotate from OP to OA thus sliding out more easily. In hospitals this rarely happens because they put a timetable to labour but in home births women can easily, happily and safely just wait till their body decides to push. The best way to push is only to push when you can't NOT push IYSWIM ;) Coached pushing (when everyone shouts at you to push) and when you're encouraged to hold your breath and push is dangerous, causes tears, prolapse and oxygen deprivation as well as breaking blood vessels in your face. If you have trouble pushing you need to move your body till you find a position where you feel most open and best placed to push and no one can tell you what that is unless they're YOU! VEs are unnecessary provided when that first urge to push hits you do it gently and then only push as your body dictates. It's a hospy "rule" that you have to get permission to push. This is as silly as someone checking your bum before you're allowed to push out a poo. Women's bodies and instincts know what to do for poos and babies! Obviously, yours did! So trust your body, trust your baby and trust birth. You obviously know how to do it much better than anyone attending your birth could possibly advise! \:D/

Hi Lulu,
It is common for women to feel the urge to push prior to being fully dialted, however it's not necessary to do a VE to determine this. There are several 'fully' signs that we look for and in the absence of these signs some midwives will (for lack of a better term) 'let' you have a push and observe what happens. If there are no signs of descent most midwives will encourage women to try not to push and breathe through it as pushing on an undilated cervix can cause swelling and therefore prolong the labour. Some midwives will offer the woman a VE as sometimes the woman wants to know where she's at. Believe it or not most midwives don't come to work with the aim of doing as many VE's as possible, more the opposite. We will only do it at the womans request or if there is an indication.

Thank you so much, your advice is so very welcome.

I think the urge to push surprised me so much with DS (and the fact that the midwife was screaming at me to stop - which I ignored cheerfully) that I can't quite comprehend "disobeying" my own body. Which I certainly won't do!

Just gonna listen to my body as best I can.........

Lulu,

I was asked not to push when I was labouring with my DS Shay as I felt the urge very strongly but was not fully dilated. This phase lasted about 30 mins or so and in that time, the mw was 'massaging' the cervix away from bub's head as he was, in fact, descending, pushing the last bit of 'lip' of the cervix down with him. Alls well that ends well though, as I did finally dilate that last little bit and Shay was born healthy and happy.

love
sushee

Apparently an experienced midwife can tell the difference between the early pushing and the effective pushing when fully dilated. If you have a lip, you can help that last bit dilate without a midwife pushing it back. Obviously changing position helps, getting up and moving, but doing lunges - i.e. one leg on a chair or bench and lunging into the chair or going up/down stairs or a step - the movement of the pelvis can help get that extra bit required to fully dilate.

Heehee Kelly, I had Shay when I was 21 and they wouldn't have been able to get me outta the bed even if they tried! I didn't even know you could have a baby in any other position then! Lol!

With Zaki I actually did have him in the shower squatting down and hanging on to a railing, and he was crowning before the midwife even knew what was happening!

love
sushee

Sometimes that slightly uneven dilation is just due to the baby not being perfectly aligned so movement is what fixes that up. As a MW once said to me, "If you don't do VEs you don't get cervical lips." I agree! Cervices also don't dilate in that neat little circle in books. It's more top and bottom and then sides so at most points in labour we're more dilated in one direction than the other :D

I was never told to push, I just pushed when I felt like it. And I didn't really have much choice because my body went for it! LOL! I think it would be awful to be told to push if you weren't ready, I think you should do what you feel is best! Your body knows best! And not only that but I didn't need stitches and came out with a slight graze and I had a supposed (*wink*) bigger baby! And from what I've read/heard purple pushing leads to more tears and more damage post birth too ie prolapse etc. Push when you want to and not before! The only thing is obviously to listen when they say not to push LOL! Which was the only thing I was told, so that Seth could turn and get into the right position and that worked a treat!

*hugs*
Cailin

I agree that its sometimes important not to push if asked I couldnt stop pushing even when asked, but they had to put hands in and manouvre bubs as he had shoulder distocia and they needed to move him. I also find when bubs crowning, if you dont push, but pant for a minute, it alows the perineum to stretch that last bit, and discourage tears.

Jillian - so good to hear from you.

Actually your birth story has hit a nerve with me - mainly cos we seem very similar in birth histories. I'm feeling a bit paranoid as I know this bubs hasn't gone head down yet, still happy being transverse. Both the others were down at this stage.

Maybe I should stop reading birth stories for awhile????

Oh hell no, you didn't scare me, please don't worry.

It just seems that lots of 3rd babies seem to have more room to muck around in there, AND I'm just being paranoid.

I suppose I thought I would be more relaxed with each one!

Lulu

Hey Lucy

My 3rd ended up being an induction, she did go head down though at 33 wks.

I have always felt the urge to push and when checked have had just a lip left. I always say "I feel like I need to push!" And they have a quick look and say yep you're right LOL, of course I knew that.LOL I think you do have to listen to your body but I like to avoid stiches so I do try to listen to the midwives/dr when they say ok hold on, cos the dr always stretches my perineum as the head is crowning. I had no tears or anything with no. 2,3 or 4, and they were 7lb 8, 8lb 4 and then 6lb10

I think you'll be fine, try not to get too uptight,
cheers michelle

I have read too that when you have a bit of a cervical lip left that you feel it. It apparently is felt in the front of your pelvis, like a tightening. A change of position is meant to be helpful (as it seems to be for most things in birth).

There are a couple of ways to encourage transverse babies to turn head down too with out actually touching them. But how far along are you? It is not really to important until the last few weeks.

Cheers

My teacher Rhea Dempsey says that too. Third baby is a 'baby of mystery', can be like the first, can be like the second... brings mystery into our life in every way - the baby that makes the kids outnumber the parents ;)

I would agree with that, cos my 3rd wasn't in any hurry to come and was the biggest, and the most painful birth of all 4.
my 1st and 2nd were almost identical labours and births

cheers Michelle

#3 for me was a csec. the rest vaginal!!!!