Would you bring it up?

DH and I have good friends who have been married for about 15 or 16 years. They tried to conceive for a long time, and finally gave up. From what they've said, I understand there is a male fertility issue. They have adopted three beautiful children, and are busy, and happy. She is now 39, and he is a couple years older.
I've been hearing more and more lately about the impact of diet on fertility, especially male fertility, and I've been wondering if I should bring it to their attention, gently. I know he has a pretty terrible diet. Loves junk food, pop, etc.
What do you think? Would I just be adding to his guilt/sadness, increasing their longing and worry about TTC, bringing up old pain and problems, maybe needlessly? One part of me is saying "Let it be! - they've probably heard it themselves, and they have a happy, full, life now - don't bring it up again! It's not your business. Besides, their chances of conceiving are getting slim at this age anyways." And the other part of me is saying "Give them the information, and let THEM decide what to do with it. Maybe they'd like to leave it, but maybe they'd want to try one more time. It's their decision."
What do you think? Would you want to be told?

Hi Cricket,

They possibly already know this, so I don't think I would give them the information or bring it up, just MO.

I have a friend who smokes & her DH smokes & drinks (heavily). They had tried IVF for 10 yrs & suffered m/c's (not sure how many), but they did not change their lifestyle. In fact they did seperate for a short while as my friend had enough of his heavy drinking etc.... Anyway, they decided on one last attempt at IVF and then that was it, so unfortunately they have no children, but are back together and enjoying each others company and travelling atc.... They also were not open to alternative therapies. My 'guess' is the reason for her DH heavy drinking is emotional & if he can't deal with that through other methods ie:counselling, then nothing will change, it will always be a vicious cycle.

On a personal note, I am having difficulty ttc # 2 & I know that being overweight does not help my cause, but for whatever reason (I believe emotional too) I cannot change my terrible habits. I know if someone broached this subject with me, I would put on a brave face and agree to what they are saying, but inside I would be an emotional mess.....

I would leave it be.

Its a tough one Cricket,

I wouldn't bring it up with them for a number of reasons.
1 - they have had to accept their conception issues which would take immense strength
2 - they have a family now and as you said are happy
3 - they may not want to try to concieve now given their age
4 - they have probably already been told about diet in the past.
I know you have good intentions but in this case I would let sleeping dogs lie. Its not your place to say something and if it were me I'd be pretty p!ssed if someone dragged up the past seeing that so much work has gone into my present and my future.

Sorry if that sounds mean but I would keep right out of it, especially if they are happy with their lives.

Nae x

My 2 cents - I agree with the above... if they've been ttc for awhile then no doubt they will have spoken to doctors about it who i'm sure would have mentioned how a healthy diet (or lack thereof) can impact on conception. What they chose to do with that info is ultimately up to them.

I agree with the others. Mentioning it would be like mentioning to an overweight person that they could loose weight if they ate healthy and exercised. They most likely already know the information. Only this could even be worse, because it may not even resolve their problem. Healthy diet has had some success with male fertility, but it doesn't help everyone.

Absolutely not. There can be many reasons for infertility, and bringing it up this issue (when you don't know it is the cause) is just blaming the parents for their own infertility. Leave them be.

I'm on the side of not bringing it up, for all the reasons that have been put forward.

I agree I don't think you should bring it up, they probably already know about that anyway and they have created a family and given 3 children a nice home.
It sounds like they've accepted that they can't conceive a child.

No I wouldn't bring it up for all the reasons listed above.

I agree - don't bring it up with them.

I agree with previous posters. Bringing it up really isn't going to help them at this late stage and they sound happy.

They are probably well aware of their unhealthy habits and unfortunately, some people are not able or willing to change.

I wouldn't bring it up.

Well, that helps me decide then ladies - thanks! :) I'll just let it be. They seem very happy and content right now, so why rock the boat, I guess. (Although there is still a little niggle inside of me asking "Would you want one last chance, if it was you....?") But no, I'll just let it be. And besides, they probably have heard that before anyways. Thanks!