Not feeling very maternal

Maybe it's hormones again, but I'm not really looking forward to the baby arriving.
Does anyone else have these feelings?
I was excited to get pregnant, amazed by the scans and thought the 3D pic of our baby girl was just gorgeous. But now I just keep thinking about the birth (a big scary and painful unknown), sleepless nights, pooey nappies, being a milk machine and being trapped in the house with baby mess everywhere.
My main experience with babies has been with my nephews. My sister has always been a bit of a complainer with very different boundaries to me. So I heard A LOT about how tired she was and how the babies wouldn't sleep. As her kids grew, the less the idea of having my own kids appealed. It was only about 18 months ago that her oldest two were diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome (kind of halfway betwen autistic and normal), which explained the worst of their behaviour. Many years ago my sister was mortally wounded when her sister-in-law called her kids "my little contraceptives" but that's how I felt too.
I have a lovely supportive partner, who is so excited about the baby and talks to my stomach all the time. He knows I'm scared about the birth but he doesn't think its such a big deal because his Mum had six kids. I'm just so worried that the baby will come out and I will just regard it as a burden.
I don't really have anyone to talk to about this. My Mum, who is a bit unpredictable because of chronic depression, raves about how she can't wait to hold the baby. She told me no one cares about me anymore, I'm just an incubator and everyone just wants to see the baby. Mum was a primary school teacher, which was the reason she gave for being so crabby at home. But we know now it was depression. She often laid out her troubles for me, the oldest, and a lot of it had to do with "you kids" who were expensive, demanding and stressful. Most of the time she was a great Mum but I got too much information from her too.
I've had a great life so far. I've had the opportunity to do so many exciting and interesting things because of my previous jobs and traveling. I'm worried that a baby means my life is over, even though my DP has already agreed that next year we'll take the baby to the top of Vietnam's highest mountain. (Mostly because the way the locals say the name sounds like "fancy pants").
I hope it's just hormones. I feel a bit better for having set it all out. Any advice would be welcome though, even if it is only to "get over it".

:hug: sorry youre felling this way sweets, i have no advice...no experience, but hoping this passes and as soon as you hold your bubba all these ill feelings will wash away!!

I think what you're feeling is very, VERY normal :hug: It's a massive change to your life and I honestly don't think you'd be human if you didn't have at least a few moments of insecurity and doubt.

I have wanted to be a mum all my life and I'm so excited about meeting our baby and being a fulltime mum too but I also have many moments where I poop my pants and think 'OMG, what an earth have I done?!' It's hard not to focus on the negative things that come with parenting especially when some people take great delight in telling you how much your life will change (true, but they make is sound like we've signed up for a death sentence!), you'll never sleep again, you'll never travel like you use to, etc, etc. The list goes on and on. Try to concentrate on the many positive aspects of becoming a parent and I think most parents would agree with me here, the positives far out weigh the negatives.

It's very daunting and what you're feeling is to be expected. Feel better knowing you're not alone and remember, focus on the positives. If we considered all the negatives in everything we did in life, we'd never do a thing! Keep smiling and enjoy this special (but trying!) time of your life. You will love that little baby like nothing else on this earth, I'm sure of that.

No wonder you feel the way you do with what you have said, I get a very negative vibe from it all.

You need to forget about the negatives and focus on all the positives, I know this can be hard if everyone in negative around you. But if you just focus on the negatives all the time, you will only see the negatives. It's just my opinion but you have to focus on all that is good about YOUR pregnancy and not compare it to anyone else especially your sister. Everyone is different, and you will get out of it what you put in and what your feelings are towards it. Hopefully this makes some sense. Try and hang around people that are positive about the birth experience also, this may help- and even if you try and read positive posts on BB.

goodluck

I also think what you are feeling is very normal. I didn't feel maternal at all when I was pregnant for the first time, and even after giving birth, those nurturing feelings do not always come straight away. But while you are right, being a mum is hard work and it does involve a lot of nappy changes and lack of sleep, there are also many many positives. I agree with em - it must be hard when the people around you are being negative about it, but try to focus on the positives, and don't compare yourself to other people - their experience does not have to be your experience. The same goes for labour too - it is scary, but I think if you read a lot and do the classes etc - just inform yourself about it, it will help you feel a bit more prepared and in control.

Having a baby does not mean your life will be over - your life will be very different, yes, but not necessarily in a negative way.

Ive had similar times where i feel like this...
However im so sorry to read about your mum not caring about you, thats terrible.

My 2 closest sisters turned their backs on me, and didnt want to know me when i told them i was pregnant. All because im not married to my DP yet.
They rideculed me, and sarcastically wished me luck, telling me i would fail, and that they felt sorry for the poor baby inside me..
It hurts when someone so close can say things like that, especially when i was hoping for their support...

My mum was shocked, but has been great, never once did she get angry or turn her back...shes been so supportive.

All i can say is im sure its just hormones, an these feelings will soon go away when you see your gorgeous miracle....
Your also very lucky to have such a supportive partner, who is obviously anxious to meet his daughter, as he talks to your tummy, which is so cute.

Try to forget the negatives, and look forward to the positives. The great future ahead of you and your partner.

I get worried at times if i have made the right decision..i get scared i may lose my old life, and be trapped bringing up a baby, in a house, with no where to escape...

but its all part of that wonderful thing called life...youll be fine....
xxx all the best

Thanks for reading/listening to me.

I feel better reading your comments. I don't really think I'm surrounded by negative people. I think the problem is I have no one to talk to (my best friends here have all gone home, the latest one this morning) and so I am focusing on the negatives. There are so many unknowns. I guess it's all gotten on top of me these past few days.

I haven't read all the comments so sorry if I cover what someone else has said.

How you are feeling is so normal.....

I remember being about 30 weeks and after spending the afternoon with my friends completely feral children coming home and saying to DH "What have I done - I don't like children!! and completely freaking out for about the next fortnight.

It all passes - and when you see your bubba you don't even realise.

GL and hope you feel better

this is my first, and im not really that far along but i do have moments when i freak right out..
"what have i done?" "Im not ready!!" "Im not gonna be a good mum!" "i can barely look after myself!"
I get scared sometimes coz i dont want to fail and i want my babies to love me and DH coz i know we will try our hardest to be awesome parents. Then i look at my own parents, i despise my father and my mother and i have always had a rocky relationship.. did they try? like us? and di they fail terribly like im scared im going to?
Its so hard coz its the unknown, but i do know one thing, i LOVE my baby more than anything in this world already and i havent even met her yet, i know that she will always love me coz i will NEVER do anything to make that not so.
Yeh, i might suck at cooking, and i may not have a career that i would like her to be proud of, but we will give her the best that we can, DH is super excited to meet her, he keep telling me to hurry up and make her faster :P hehe he's so cute!!

Sweety, you'll be fine, and its all normal. being away from so many supportive people must be hard :(
But we're all here for you if you ever need to talk xxx