how do you teach kids the difference between empathy and pity...

when it comes to people with disabilities?

not sure if this was the right place to post this, so mods feel free to move it.

but how do you teach your children to empathise with people who have mental/physical/both disabilites, without making these people feel as though they are being pitied?

we have 2 young family friends with downs syndrome, and we often see groups with carers of people with severe physical disabilities, and i want my children to understand about these problems, without pity. does that make any sense?

eg. if your child was staring at someone with a disability, what would you say to them (your child), to stop them staring and explain why this person looks/acts a bit different?

i know my kids are a bit young for this atm, i was just thinking about it the other day..

also, mothers with disabled children, what would you like people to explain to thier kids?

please note, this thread was not written to cause offence or upset to anybody, i just want my kids to have respect for all kinds of people, and want to know the best way to teach / explain.

My DD has started paying attention to other kids and a couple of times some of those kids have had a disability. I don't focus on the disability at all but rather just talk to her about them like I would any other child. I encourage her to go and say hello and if we are in an appopriate place for it, then I let them go and play.

DD is not really at the question asking stage. If DD asked questions, I would answer them but I try not to give her the impression that kids with disabilities are different to the rest of us because they aren't and I don't want her to see the disability, I want her to see the person, KWIM? At the moment, she does stare, but I think she stares at everyone. If I catch her staring at another child with or without a disability, I usually tell her to go and say hello. Especially if they staring back at her (which they usually are :))

DD is not really up to noticing differences and so I don't focus on them at all. If she were to ask me about kids with disabilities I would try and draw on similarities between her and the child with the disability. For example 'He uses his wheel chair to get around, just like you use your legs. I bet you he is pretty quick in his wheel chair.'

I think it is about normalising it. Kids, as they get older, sometimes will point out differences, but it's not the same way adults notice differences. They ask questions out of curiosity but can accept it and see past differences. It doesn't bother them.

I think the other thing is to focus on what all kids can do and what they can do together and how they are similar or alike. This will help to normalise it a bit more.

I hope that helps.

that;s all pretty much what i thought.

i was sorta thinking though, when they are at the question age, when they do need an honest answer, or it's in front of the person/carer, how do you explain it so that your child is informed, but noone is offended by your explanation?

i too want my kids to treat people with disabilities the same as other people, but how do you teach them to acknowledge the disability (if necessary), in a manner that doesn't offend.

i know i'm rambling, my brain is fuggy and i can't get across what i'm trying to say very well..