Are You Keyhole Judging? (An Edward de Bono inspired scenario)
One characteristic of Emotional Intelligence is empathy which is only possible if you are able to see things from multiple points of view (not just your own). Author Edward de Bono also refers to this as an ability to think laterally.
Many years ago I saw an EDB interview on TV. He was promoting a new book (unfortunately I can't recall the title). He gave a very visual example of lateral thinking which I have never forgotten. Ever since hearing this little story of his my skills of empathy and "giving people the benefit of the doubt" have greatly improved and I credit him with improving my EQ. This is a rough re-telling of his story:
Once upon a time a person was walking past a door and heard a scream coming from the other side. They tried to open the door but it was locked. The screams were soon accompanied by shouting and the person was feeling quite alarmed.
Then they noticed a keyhole under the handle and quickly bent over to peek through. Immediately the person saw from whom the screams where coming: it was a woman... she was running and looking very frightened. Then a fierce looking man came into view... he was chasing the woman and wielding a knife!
The person stood up and bashed on the door heart racing and desperate to save the woman from the dangerous man! But the door was heavy and couldn't be broken. So the person looked again through the keyhole. Now it could be seen that the man was being chased by a small group of people... this seemed to confirm that the woman was in trouble. So the person stood back, raised a foot and kicked open the door.
It flew open! The person wasted no time rushing through to help apprehend the evil man that was seen through the keyhole. But almost immediately the person stopped in their tracks. In an instant the person no longer desired to save the woman. She didn't need saving. Instead the person was hoping that the man with the knife could run faster!!!
For now the true situation was revealed: there was a child entangled in a rope hanging from a tree. The woman was the child's mother and the man was the child's father rushing toward the child... both with intentions of freeing the child.
How quick the keyhole judger had leapt to conclusions based on the "evidence" of limited vision. Maybe it was just as well that the person didn't have the power to interfere with the situation before seeing the complete picture.
This message in this scenario is also summed up in my signature quote: Be kinder than necessary because everyone is fighting some kind of battle.
It seems that everyone is keen to give an opinion these days but are we sometimes looking through keyholes?