how can I help him cope?

dh and I are seriously considering ttc #2, (possibly ttc next cycle). at the moment, my ds is very much a mummy's boy. He loves his mummy cuddles, being carried in the sling, sometimes co-sleeping. I can't even go to the toilet without him calling out 'mum, mum'.

My question is, how can we help him cope when #2 does finally arrive? I want to keep things the same for as long as possible as I do enjoy our closeness and it has taken a while for us to get to this stage (trouble bonding in the early days). I want him to know I still love him just as much as always and that he can count on me for anything he needs. I don't want him to feel as though he is pushed aside just because there is a new baby.

I just don't know how he would react as he doesn't even want me holding my niece, who is 12 months old. How would he feel when I have another baby? I am so worried about it that I am considering waiting ttc until he is a bit older.

what do you think?

DS is very much a mummys boy and sooks when I hold other kids or babies, he hates being left alone in a room for more than a few minutes. He is still BF also.

I am just hoping he improves when baby comes I have been trying to get him interested in books etc but still all he wants to do is eat them, I also have been holding other kids when i can but having him next to me also, seems to be ok with that.

I wouldnt put of ttc as friends with bigger age gaps seem to have more jealousy issues than ones with kids close together.

Good luck

I'll be watching this thread because I have an 18mth old and am almost 13 wks pregnant so I have the same questions!

DS relies on me so much sleep-wise (although I think we['re in the middle of a major 18mth sleep regression!) and we're the same as your other examples. I guess I just figure little people DO change at 2, they understand so much and we can talk and explain and reassure so much more than what we can now. I think also making DS a part of things as much as possible will help.

...I hope...!!

I think there's a really big difference developmentally between a 19 month old and 2+ years, so you can explain more to him and also let him help you so he feels important too.
Also, newborns sleep so much in the beginning that I think maybe that makes the transition a little easier.
I found dd played up more if I was bfing, but aside from that it didn't go too badly.
Of course there are going to be changes, but in the end you are (hopefully) making him a lifelong friend, and I see that as more important.
Also, from the time ds could smile I always told dd "see how he's watching you? He really loves you" and it seemed to start a cycle - because she believed he loved her she behaved lovingly towards him (mostly) and so he modelled that behaviour back, if that makes sense?
Don't know if I'm helping. You might be surprised at your ds' resilience.
GL
Lara

You can always wait 6 months and see how things are then. I feel it's easier to have a bigger gap if you can, I'm sure ds has never forgiven me for having dd before he was finished with being a mummy's boy lol!

I agree with Lulu!

yeah, I think I agree with Lulu too :) I really don't want to disrupt this bond that we have and perhaps break his trust in a way. I was awake for most of the night thinking about it.

I will see how he is after his 2nd birthday, and then reconsider ttc then.

thanks ladies for your replies it really helped alot :)

DS is the biggest, clingiest mummy's boy I have ever seen. And it was a huge adjustment when DD came along.

But - he absolutely loves her to death. Prefers playing with her than with me. Gets sad if she is sleeping because he wants to play with her.

So you might find - you give them a better playmate than you ;)

Harry is 3yo, and he is a big time mummies boy, but I wont pretend that having Phe didnt change anyhting. I tried so hard to prepare him, to prepare myself. It didnt make a difference. She took my lap, she took my time, she took the spot next to me in bed. For the first 2 weeks Harry was ropable. He was mad with mum, he turned to his daddy (a good side affect at least) and he hated the baby.

That all only lasted 2 weeks thankfully. Now he understands I need to share my time, and he has learnt that he can rely on and turn to his daddy too. He loves little phoebe now and will tell me to feed her if she needs it or to change her nappy in the morning. At night he lays down next to the "be be" on the bed and will stroke her hair before going to sleep.

It is difficult, it does upset them, and I will be honest, the bond you have with them is not the same because they arent the baby anymore - but it can work out in the end and you just need more to prepare yourself for it not working out how you wanted it to - but ensuring you are wary of both their need of time with mum.

I don't really have anything intelligent to add this morning - I used it up on my last response! ;) I am still so tired and not yet had a morning cuppa.

I just wanted to add - if you look at my sig you will see that I am about to face your dilemma a third time and, honestly, I have no concerns at all. We have already helped DS3 learn how to say 'baby' when he sees friend's children that are younger than he is. Now and then when he is in 'cuddle-mode' I take his hand and put it on my belly and say 'Hello Baby'. He is still too little to really 'get-it' but will by the time I start to show more seriously.

For me inclusion of children in pregnancy is really important. I know for many they insist that children shouldn't be told until later because of the wait - but I wonder why shouldn't they learn that babies take a long time to be knitted together before they arrive in the world?

Just for reference for those who are watching - the age gaps I have had / will have are:

DS1 --> DS2 1 year 2.5 months
DS2 --> DS3 2 years 6.5 months
DS3 --> DC4 2 years 7 months

:

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You can always wait 6 months and see how things are then.

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Just so long as you keep in mind that there will then not be 9 months growing up in between but, rather, 15 months.

Seriously, my suggestion is to simply go with you heart - you know your DS best. Each of my boys (other than rough-housing with each other) are kind considerate children and they have been more than willing to show love to the new baby each time. :)

There are also lots of strategies I employed to give each 'no longer the youngest' child every chance for special time with me also as well as to make a special effort to provide engaging activities for them whilst I did need to tend to the newest addition. That is an after-morning-cuppa topic though!