I'd appreciate some advice/opinions please...

Hello to my BB friends, I hope you are all going OK. As some of you know, DH and I are taking a break from IVF and I have been trying to focus a bit less on TTC and hence havent been around here much lately, so I really hope things are moving forward for you all. I have missed chatting on here to be honest, but have been trying to stick to my plan of focussing on other stuff. :rolleyes:

DH and I have been discussing the way forward from here and I'd like to hear your opinions on our options.

We had planned to return to IVF in November, (if I am not pregnant by then :pray:), to get a cycle in before the Jan 1 medicare changes.
In the meantime, I've been seeing an acupuncturist/naturopath etc .

Now DH and I aren't sure if we want to return to IVF then. We both feel a bit over it all right now, a bit flat and frazzled. Another good friend has just announced their pregnancy too and it makes us sad, yet we just don't feel energised for this at the moment. I think we both feel like we just want to be 'us' for a while, and spend money on possibly an overseas holiday instead of IVF...and then return to IVF next year sometime.
We would try naturally in the meantime.

My concern with this approach is that I am 36, and DH 37 and I know that the odds get worse the older I get. I also know I only have one tube left, and that my OB says it's 'not in good shape'. So chances naturally don't seem good and I don't want to lose time.

But, I did of course fall pregnant with that tube last November, so we know it can happen. How much of a fluke that was, we really don't know. However we had only tried naturally for 3 months (after my ectopic/tube removal) so that isnt really very long for a pregnancy to happen. I also fell pregnant with the ectopic on the third month of trying.

What do you think? should we just bite the bullet and go to IVF sooner rather than later, increasing our chances of a pregnancy and lessening my risk of another ectopic.

Or try naturally and have a break and a holiday (if we can manage to save enough) and then see from there.

I still very much want a baby and the news of my friends pregnancy reduced me to tears today (of course I am happy for her, but it's mixed emotions). At the same time I feel suffocated at the moment by the life we seem to be living.

I know I have rambled on a bit. But I do feel on the fence about which approach to take.

Thanks very much :)

Emma

I think you should take the break. You'll have a better chance when coming back to it less stressed out.
Go & destress for a bit.
Goodluck.

Having a break sounds good...but it's only a 'break' if you can take a break...what I mean is...if you are, in your heart of hearts wanting to try, it won't be a break but a 'count down' until you do try...if that makes sense...well that's what I found happened for me...I'd try and talk myself into a break!!!

I agree with Ellie - I'm all for you taking a break and regrouping, but do you think you'll actually be able to 'switch off'? There'd be nothing worse than spending all that money on an overseas trip, and spending every minute thinking about what might've happened if you'd spent it on IVF, KWIM??

:hug: Darl, I know what you're going through - I wish I had a crystal ball so I could check out the consequences of each decision, sometimes we just hafta take a blind leap :hug:

Emma, you wouldn't believe how many of those thoughts have been going through my own head lately! I'm also taking a bit of a break after back-to-back cycles earlier this year. Right now I'm trying to decide between cycling again in Sept or Nov/Dec (acupuncturist's recommendation). It's tough. And (believe it or not) I've had the same thoughts about the overseas holiday! My only advice for you is that I think you really need to be ready to try again. IVF can be so gruelling, I tend to think it's too much strain (on your body, your relationship, your wallet, etc) to embark on a cycle if your heart's not in it.

Best of luck with your decision. And FX for that surprise natural BFP. :goodluck:

Jen

Thanks everyone, your opinions and insights do help and I appreciate the responses.

Ellie- you make a good point, and DH has even said he's worried I won't be able to switch off from it..I need to really think about that I think

Juniper- it's hard trying to decide isn't it...maybe go with what your acupuncturist says..good luck

Possums - you are still young enough that the few months shouldn't matter. It sounds like you really want to take the break and go away, so I think you should do that..if, as you say, you can really forget everything (mostly forget) and enjoy yourself and not wonder "what if I had done a cycle". And you never know, you have conceived naturally in the past despite what the doctors have said.

Thanks Julie...and congratulations again on your pregnancy...I really hope it's a healthy 9 months for you this time. I know it's a really nervous time for you at the moment.

Hi Possums - I can only offer :hug:

I know where you are coming from, I am thinking the same thing - and flying away on a plane can seem the best thing - especially when everyone around you is pregnant.

Hi Possums

Making the decision to get off the IVF rollercoaster is very hard and well done to you and DH for making the tough decision to have a break. I found that once we had made that decision I felt an enormous weight lift off my shoulders. We decided to just go natural with AP and herbs and managed a pg after only 5 months of serious trying. While I don't have the tubal problem you have, I think the mindset and reduced stress played a big part in falling pg. Previously we had been told that the only way we would have a baby would be through donor eggs!

So I guess what I am trying to say is that you might benefit from walking away from IVF at this time. I understand that money is a big issue with the date of 1 Jan looming, but there are no guarantees that another cycle would make the difference. Remember, 30% of couples who do IVF walk away with no baby. If taking the time (and money) to have a break and go overseas is what you and DH's relationship needs, then invest your time and money there would be my recommendation. IVF will always be there and you are still young.

I hope you come to a decision that is the best for you both, and you never know, your next BFP could be only weeks away! Never say never!

oxo

Hey Emma,

I think that as long as you can properly take a break, then go for it. Maybe a good trip overseas is something that will help you guys do that?
DH and I went to the States in August last year because we knew that we were going to be getting into fertility treatments. It was the best holiday ever and we pore over the photos a lot. It was our last holiday just the two of us and we had the best time.

But what I honestly think is, unless you book your holiday now, how about wait and see how you feel before the end of the year is up, say October/November time? You might just feel that a few months without a "plan" is just what the Dr ordered.

I truly hope that you come to a decision that you are happy with.
Big hugs
Sue xxxx

Thanks ladies for your insights.

I think we are going to start saving, with the idea of delaying IVF, but we won't lock in any firm plans until toward the end of the year, so we can also see how we feel then, and of course, whether or not I am pregnant by then, which would be wonderful.

DH and I already feel a bit lighter and less pressured. DH more than me I think, I still feel some anxiety about the best path to take, but nothing is set in stone yet, and I still have hope that we will get pregnant all on our own in coming months.

:grouphug: to all of you

Hey Possums, might be a bit late for advice but I will throw in my two cents...if I were you that is with your age and your histroy, I wouldn't stress over a few months. I know you might feel 'you are losing precious time' hence the pressure of get going but the truth is, there won't make huge difference on your reporductive system in the matter of a few months, but a break with an overseas holiday can do world of good.

Sounds like you and DH are really keen to have a break from this but only due to the 'clock is ticking' feeling responsible of keep going. Well, don't. Go and enjoy yourself and don't even think about it, have an overseas holiday and make the most of it. I still think you have a great chance of having a natural conception, the reason for your past m/c is now being addressed, so that also adding the chance of a complete success. Even if it didn't happen, then you will be in a much better mindset to get onto the IVF train when you are ready.

All the best hun and you totally deserve a nice break!

Thanks CP, I think you are right, it was the clock ticking feeling that was keeping us going, when we actually do want a breather. Also though, seeing others pregnant around me makes me want my turn to hurry up even more, but I am starting to realise that IVF is not guaranteed to bring me a baby any faster anyway

Hi Possums,

I agree with the other girls and think you should go on an overseas trip :D

A break away from it all (and ppl who are pregnant) will do you a world of good. You have been through so much and you deserve some time to relax before getting back into it all.

I know how hard it must be with the "clock ticking" but hopefully your body will be better off after having a nice time away.

Take care

Tania xx

I think I'm all on my own in my opinion! - I reckon you should keep trying. Although at the same time I appreciate the need to have a break to preserve your sanity.

I don't know, it just seems that you can go overseas anytime in the future, whereas as much as it sucks, there is a bit of a window of opportunity time wise for trying for a baby.

But hey feel free to completely ignore me and go with whatever feels right for you!!

I read something the other day that said that although our fertility decreases from the age of 35, it's a gradual decrease so there's actually not that much difference between a 37 year-old and a 35-year-old. But 40 is the real danger age (great - if you look at my sig!).

So I agree with the others - a few months shouldn't make much difference. But if you'd like more peace of mind then ask your doc.

I do think that the OS trip sounds terrific and could do wonders.

Good luck with your decision!!!

thanks for your thoughts....we have decided no IVF this year (well, thats what we think at the moment!) and we are saving...I dont know that we will be able to afford a really big trip, but somewhere would be great for us i think.
meanwhile, trying naturally and hoping IVF can be removed from the equation anyway! :pray: