1st day at FDC tomorrow....

Hi Everyone,
I know everyone has probably read this sooo many times before but I thought I'd post in here anyway.....

DS has his first day of Daycare tomorrow, His carer is absolutely lovely and I think he will have fun there with the other kids once he settles in he is 18months and on the days he goes he will be in with another little boy who is 2 and one of the days there is also a little girl who is 3. We have had 2 "play" visits and he seemed happy enough so here comes the part thats been read over and over..why do I feel so guilty??

I'm not going back to work just yet, I would like too but I'll see how this goes first and then look for work. My DH is in the army and has been away so much and is soon to start the lead up training for Afghanistan (he will be away for 8 months) so that is another reason for not working I will probably go home to my parents place in NSW and don't really want to be tied to a job up here if it gets to much by myself. The last trip he did was for 6 weeks and so having DS home alone for weeks on end was starting to take it's toll, he wasn't sleeping, teething etc and so I thought maybe to give me a break I'd look at DC. I also had the baby whisperer out and so the sleeping is now great and the teeth broke through so now I think maybe I don't need to put him in care and that I don't really deserve that place.

My DH as I said is away so often..away more than he is home and doesn't see what the big deal is...Of course he doesn't he leaves DS with me not some lady we have met twice, regaurdless of how great she seems sh'e not me. I have never left him for longer than 9 hours and that was with DH or my mum, so this is a big day for me tomorrow and he is not helping in the slighest, he just thinks I need to toughen up.

I always thought that I wouldn't use DC if I wasn't working and now the reality of it is here and I've got a severe case of cold feet, terrible guilts and just a general feeling of selfishness over taking a CC placement with a fantastic carer but yet I'm not going back to work. And there are Mums and dads out there screaming for help and can't get carers.

So many people have told me that it's great for the kids and not to worry i'll soon love it and look forward to the days he is in care but I just don't feel like those feeling will come for me. I just finished labeling all his things and am just wondering if he really needs to go? Will he benefit from this? Maybe he's too young? What if he hates it? Oh so many things running through my head.......

My nephew was in FDC with a lovely lady in his home town with two other children about his age too, from 6mths of age for two days per week until he started primary school.

One weekend when i was visiting in their home town we went for a walk to the shops when my nephew was about 7 or 8years old he was waving like crazy with the biggest grin at a lady driving by ... my sister said to me with a warm smile "That's his second Mum" ... only to explain it was the Family Day Carer that looked after him the years before ;)

I hope that little story makes you feel so much better ... as that day with my nephew i thought how beautiful he had such respect for obviously someone that was & still is special to him as he had a wonderful time during those years & more importantly was looked after & cared for very well & by someone so lovely & kind :D

I hope his first day went well foboth of you. Let us know how you go :hug:

honey, i was exactly the same as you when poopy started DC. i felt so guilty. the guilty doesnt quite go away but day care has been so good for him. he meets so many new ppl and learns so much and best part he gets to socialise w other kids his age. he doesnt have that opportunity w hen he was at home with me. we only had our mothers group.
he has picked up a lot of good things at day care.

i know it's really hard. i cried the first two week in the car after i dropped him off. some days i still feel like crying but he's happy there/. he's always so excited when we park. and one day i had to move after i parked cos the bins were in the way and he started to cry. he thot i wasnt going to drop him there.

it's so hard for you when you have him on your own. it's so so exhausting doing it all by yourself. you deserve a break and need something for yourself.
it's not being selfish. i learnt this too. it's in your best interest and his best interest to have a world outside home.

i hope he had a good day, looking fwd to hearing more. sorry rushing.. abt to head home..
he gives me the biggest cuddles when i walk thru the door.

I too like Ali am curious on how you both went today ;) ... Hope it was a better day then you expected :D

Thanks girls, you are all so beautiful and kind with your encouraging words...I'll re read this post if I get the courage to send him again....Because today didn't go as planned in fact it didn't go at all!!

Thursday last week I went into the family day care office to sign all the paper work, pay the admin fee, lock in days and times etc and (we'll call her Miss A) told me that she would drop off my/DS paperwork on friday to our carer and possibly see us there Monday morning for our settling in visit.....pretty straight forward.

This morning at 8.30am I arrived at our carers house and noone answered the door so i rang the house no answer, I rang the scheme only to be told to leave a message in the message bank as noone was available, NOT the greatest start so I waited for our carer thinking she might have been held up (she walks a little girl down to her school hence why DS's drop off time is 8.30am because i didn't want him out in the pram in peek hour) I waited for 1/2 and hour still trying to call both our coordinator and the house and got a big fat NOTHING!!!

Fuming I got home and called the scheme and finally got a hold of another coordinator who had no idea who I was, where the carer was but assured me my paper ork was sent on Thursday?? WTF?? I was sooo mad I asked for my coordinator who i delt with on Thursday to call me back because I wanted to know how they could let this happen and where on earth was the carer and other kids??

So finally I get a call from Miss A only to be told that she dropped the paper work off this morning and left it on the doorstep because noone was home (WTFdid she not wonder where everyone was?) And then she had the hide to say it was my responsibilty to get in contact with the carer to organise start days etc. I lost it then by the end of my tyrad she had apologised and agreed it was her fault and should have done this differently..Ah just try doing your job!!!!

So it turns out...that Noone from the scheme contacted our carer she had no idea that we were coming and she didn't have any kids coming today so she organised appointments Dr's hair etc because as far as she knew she wasn't working and was absolutely mortified this has hapened to us, She rang me this afternoon so upset and concerned for DS and myself. I know it wasn't her fault, I know she genuinly loves the kids and because she really doesn't seem like the sort of person who would do that on purpose but My goodness it has just added more fuel to my already simmering fire...I just feel like the whole thing is a mess, obviously the comunication between the schemes and the careers is pretty bad or non exsistant. Our carer did say to me should I still like to put DS in that I would be dealing with her and not the sceme and she just hoped that I had enough confidence in her to care for my son and that she would NEVER do that to anyone.

What do you guys think...Fine way to start dc hey LOL...if I didn't I'd be crying again!

Oh, i so understand yeh not a super start but hey if it honestly just boils down to the miscommuniation between the carer & the scheme & that she the carer has acknowledged this to you at least she is upfront & honest about it & is comfortable to discuss this with you (it's great she offered for you to deal with her mostly then the scheme in future) ... & she is clearly still interested in caring for your little one, so maybe she is still worth giving a go :D ... Sounds like her end in dealing with the scheme is frustrating for her too & in having said that this situation which sounds like might not be her fault shouldn't have to reflect how she as a carer works (IYKWIM) !!

It's possible with all your build of emotions didn't help with the todays outcome & for that the day 'might' feel worse (??)

Maybe if you look at it from her side of the fence you will feel better with your decision in what to do ;)

Sometimes starts like this are not always for the worst, ... Fingers crossed for you, hope ALL works out with what you decide to do !!

hun, i dont understand why she goes to the scheme.. is it by regulation, are they a govt body?

the lady seems genuine enough and did ring you.
maybe have another go with her but i would recommend putting in a written complaint abt how the scheme handled the application, esp miss A who said she'd do it on friday and that she'd see you on monday to see how you were settling in. she didnt even bother to call the carer to let her know. and sneakily left the forms on the doorstep.
what if a dog came along and ran away with it!

take care hun, sorry this happened.. xoxo

hun, i dont understand why she goes to the scheme.. is it by regulation, are they a govt body?

the lady seems genuine enough and did ring you.
maybe have another go with her but i would recommend putting in a written complaint abt how the scheme handled the application, esp miss A who said she'd do it on friday and that she'd see you on monday to see how you were settling in. she didnt even bother to call the carer to let her know. and sneakily left the forms on the doorstep.
what if a dog came along and ran away with it!

take care hun, sorry this happened.. xoxo