Negative Comments - Venting

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August 10th, 2009, 01:30 PM
JellyBean

Negative Comments - Venting

Friends of ours had a baby girl on Sunday, and after I congratulated the Dad we got to chatting about my bump and impending birth.
First question.."who's your obstetrician?"
my answer...(a little taken aback - who asks that?) "I don't have one" (Actually, for various reasons I have chosen to have a natural, midwife-led birth thankyou...:rolleyes:).
Next question.. "where are you having it?"
my answer..."The Family Birth Centre"
his response - "Ahhh, and then when the cord gets wrapped around its neck or its lungs aren't developed properly....what are you going to do then?"
my response (completely gob smacked :o) "uh, then I'll be taken next door" (the main part of the hospital is about 50 metres away - not to mention the fact that the midwives in the birth centre would cotton on if something wasn't right just as quickly as the midwives in the main part of the hospital - and it takes 20 mins to prep a theatre for c/section anyway).
Then he proceeds to jokingly waffle on, saying something like, "oh yeah - just go out in the backyard - she'll be right..."
WTF???!!!! Who said anything about a backyard!!! Does he even know what a birth centre is???? Does he even know what a midwife is????? That they are the people who specialise in normal birth and Obs specialise in complicated deliveries (ie c/sections)? And that all midwives (including homebirthing ones) are fully equipped with equipment to monitor the heartrate, and oxygen should the mother or baby need it??? Not to mention a trillion other things they do - like all the after-birth care of mother and baby, and breast-feeding support when the Ob is off playing golf???
And get this... his Ob didn't even rock up to their birth - they were told at 7 months that he was going to be away on holiday (playing golf presumably...:lol:). So they effectively paid this goof a few grand to not be there at her birth, where she gave birth naturally without an Ob, without drugs, or any intervention from the midwives of any kind?
How can he be so small-minded - especially after such an empowering birth..???

I stayed up all night thinking about things I'd wished I said, before I aknowledged that he had actually deeply offended and insulted me. As if I would willingly put my baby at risk? I'm trying to let it go, coz I know this anger is not healthy for me or baby, but I am just so shocked by it all. Surely it is common sense that the last thing you should be saying to a pregnant woman is negative, judgemental things? Luckily for him his wife wasn't standing with him - because no doubt she would have given him a serve.....

Ahh - I feel a bit better now.

X
August 10th, 2009, 01:34 PM
Daydream Believer

*hugs* to you hun

What a jerk. Shows how narrow-minded some people are
August 10th, 2009, 01:35 PM
ladybird11

What thoughtless words! Grrr.

I am so sorry you had to listen to his garbage for that period of time when you could have been doing something more meaningful - like having a productive conversation with an adult....;)
August 10th, 2009, 01:41 PM
Manhattan

Big hugs to you JellyBean :hug: I can't believe he said that to you. What you choose is your choice, and no one has the right to belittle you no matter what their beliefs are. Such a shame he is so narrow minded, and as you say after the birth he just experienced.
August 10th, 2009, 01:45 PM
squidipa

:

*hugs* to you hun

What a jerk. Shows how narrow-minded some people are

you said it!
very rude, hubbie says he needs a slap up the face i would have thrown a GLASS OF WATER ON HIM grrrrrr so rude!!!
August 10th, 2009, 04:01 PM
MrsWelch

OMG! What a knobhead! I don't know how you managed to restrain yourself from slapping him. I guess because his wife/partner had just popped one out that makes him expert of anything birth related.
August 10th, 2009, 04:17 PM
tan32

what an idiot. Typical narrow minded freak who obviously thinks he is now a birthing expert
by the way i had my last bub in the birthing centre and his cord was wrapped around his neck. The midwife gentley untangled him while i birthed him.
August 10th, 2009, 04:40 PM
Neptune

I am going the same path as you Jellybean, and I have come across these comments too. So annoying!!!!

Vent totally understood. some people are just ignorant, plus put these doctors on pedestals when they can't even be there for the birth. Hmph
August 10th, 2009, 04:43 PM
Nelle

Ohhh how frustrating :hug: - but how silly of you not to realise that now you have a bump pretty much everyone else is an expert about you, and your IQ's just dropped significantly. :nahnah:

Try not to worry about it, something I've found very valuable to remember is that people's comments say more about them than about you. What this comment says about this man is that he doesn't understand what a birth centre is, and is also happy to make a comment based on his incorrect assumptions.

There's not much safer than a gentle birth centre birth really, my first bub was born in water in a birth centre and I can't rate birth centres highly enough. :D
August 10th, 2009, 05:23 PM
firespiral

sounds like your friend had a normal natural birth .. it is unfortunate that this has made him more fearful of the normal woman's bodily process rather than more informed!

i am a homebirther myself .. there are plenty of resources and articles out there .. they are just harder to get at coz they are hidden under the stats and fears (and paychecks!) of the obs :lol:

PM if you want some pointers for where to look ;)

edit .. and wtf ever happened to good old fashioned blessingways .. you know?
where you give positive thoughts and kindess and stuff ... arh!
August 10th, 2009, 05:40 PM
Muffy

omg are you serious??
OBVIOUSLY he has no idea what he is talking about... yay he knows the word obstetrician big clap for him hey....
dont let it deprive you of any sleep hun..... xxxxx
August 10th, 2009, 06:40 PM
JellyBean

Ha ha- you guys are great. I'm so glad I posted that coz I got so much pleasure out of reading your responses!!!

Firespiral - thanks. I may follow you up on the offer for some articles. I would love to have some up my sleeve to whip out for these scare-mongering, ignorant fools!!

XX
August 10th, 2009, 07:18 PM
Arimeh

hehe I wonder what he would think of me having a VBA2C in a birth centre then.. oooooh my goooooodness - I must be CRAAAAAYY-ZEEEEEEEE!!!!! :dance:

Meh - he's a knob - don't let him get ya down.
August 10th, 2009, 07:35 PM
Arcadia

Geez some people can be infuriating.

You should have seen the looks I got when I said HOMEBIRTH! One man said to me..."do you actually know what is involved in a birth"...

Um..YES...MY VAGINA!!!!

Geez!
August 10th, 2009, 07:39 PM
boomba

Pfft what would he know???? why cant they keep their unedcuated words of wisdom to themsleves...especially when this is the path you have chosen!

Good on you for sticking it too him :hug: x
August 11th, 2009, 11:37 AM
JellyBean

:

Geez some people can be infuriating.

You should have seen the looks I got when I said HOMEBIRTH! One man said to me..."do you actually know what is involved in a birth"...

Um..YES...MY VAGINA!!!!

Geez!

Lol......:clap:
Honestly - people are so disturbed aren't they? I think a lot of the fear surrounding birth is perpetuated from the media - when do you ever see a leading woman in a movie remain calm when her waters break or she gets a contraction? Its always....."holy moses, she's in labour!!" Mad panic abounds, and the camera cuts to her being placed in a wheelchair like a cripple and wheeled to the emergency room where she screams violently at everyone for a while and pushes the baby out in 2 pushes!! This factor, plus the fact that people only seem to enjoy gossiping about the rare negative birth stories out there, instead of the common positive ones, its no surprise that women have such an unhealthy fear of birth.