My 3 year old seems to be lazy...

I don't know what to do about my 3 year old, i can only put it down to laziness.... what do you make of the following behaviours:

* "Packing up" this is a nightmare. No matter how many times i show him how to pack up, where things go, and even help him, he just refuses making excuses such as "i need you to show me/help me". I then show/help him again, and he just watches me, and then does nothing. Even the promise of getting the leggo box out isn't enough to entice him in to packing up.

Packing up has not really been an issue for me until recently when my MIL stayed here and said that he needs to pack one set of toys away until he gets another out. I was just used to living with toys constantly strewn through the lounge (i assumed thats what others with 2 under 3 are like??) She's convinced me though that i need to teach him to pack up otherwise he'll never learn.

What am i doing wrong? how can i get him to pack up?

The other issue that i think is due to laziness is that although he is capable of going to the toilet by himself physically, he still expects me to help him. This includes, wiping, pulling up his pants and flushing. I've gotten to the point of trying to get him to pull his pants up with his own hands but he just gets upset and says "no mumma, you help me". I can't figure this one out....?

My 3yo is similar. Regarding the packing away of one toy before another is pulled out... I aspire to that and sometimes enforce it, especially with jig saws... but not always. I also find that he obeys others better... so I don't think it laziness... more just disinterest. He usually responds to bribery. If I say that I'll read a book he will do it quick smart.

I still have to wipe him at the potty. I'm ok with that. He goes to the potty independently for a wee and will pull his pants up by himself... it's just the wiping I prefer to help him with. He turned 3 in June... and I guess i won't expect him to be totally independent until closer to his 4th birthday.

These milestones can be reached quite suddenly... who knows, maybe next month will be a different story? :)

Also with the packing away thing... it's good to be able to get other people to ask them as well. If I have a friend over for coffee I might ask them to ask my son to pack up before he comes and has a biscuit while I prepare coffee... know what I mean? Less drama and the more your rules are repeated by others the more it sticks with them. I find that when someone else asks him he 99% does it straight away. If I ask him he will avoid it unless i bribe.

he's only 3 .. and you can't expect the same empathy from a 3yo as you do an older child.

they don't understand why it's a bother for you to pick stuff up .. or what a mess really means .. and that's ok :)

sure, guide him into packing up, and others (like your MIL) may have better luck that you at picking the toys up. it's not that he doesn't want to help .. but more that he wants to get on with playing with the next thing, yk?

if he is lazy for not picking up toys .. are you lazy for not playing with him more?
of course not .. just different head-spaces

if your son IS lazy .. i would consider his diet and healthy nutrients intake
play hard!

He is just being a 3 yr old. My DD turns 4 in january and is very much how you describe. You just have to pick your battles, change tactics, perservere, and (heavens forbid) just let it go at times.

He sound normal to me and your MIL sounds unrealistic ;)

He's 3 - packing up isn't on his agenda. My 3.5yo complains when told to pack up that it's too hard and she neds help. So I make packing up a game. We have a race to see who can put the most blocks back in the bucket for example. She is starting to understand that she needs to put things away before she plays with something else but she still needs constant reminding and encouragement.

She also needs help with the toilet. She can't wipe herself properly all the time so I help her and remind her each time how to do it. It's pefectly normal at this age to still need help.

Why would he want to pick up when you've not made him do it any other time? He's had it easy, make a big mess and mum cleans up!

I had 2 boys 14 months apart, and now I have 3 boys 5 and under and they always clean up after themselves, Ashton has even started picking up his blocks when I help him.

It is important to teach them early, we have the same rule here that when you've finished playing with one thing then you put it away to get something else out. I don't clean up after the boys. I refuse. They have 2 legs and 2 arms and are quite capable to scattering the lego from one side of the room to the other so they must be quite capable of cleaning it up too!

I don't think he is lazy at all. I think you've just done it all the time and he doesn't see why suddenly he has to do it!

If it were me I would start taking the toys away and putting them somewhere so he cant have them. He will soon learn to clean them up when asked! The boys only just got their dressups back after being in the cupboard for 3 months because they refused to pick them up one day. By 1.5 years old each of the boys have helped clean up their toys without an issue, by 2.5 they do it themselves.

Firespiral raises an intersesting point: a 3yo doesn't really perceive that when toys are lying around as a mess. They have a totally different take on it. To them it's just toys that are on the floor. They don't have a negative view of it because it doesn't bother them. I have to try really hard to make sure I don't guilt them out for having a different perspective. I know it seems like most days they make a mess just to "spite" me but they don't. Instead I hope to teach them that being tidy is not just an abstract concpet but has practical benefits that they can understand. When they lose something for example... this is a great opportunity to say "Hey, maybe next time we'll make sure we put it back in the right place so we don't lose it... it's awful when something gets lost isn't it?" In an ideal world i'll also have the patience to follow this through! LOL it all comes down to making it relevant to them at each stage of development.

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it all comes down to making it relevant to them at each stage of development.

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:clap:

totally .. then it's about them developing insight and learning alongside you,
rather than 'doing what they are told', which teaches nothing.
Attachment parenting at it's best ;)

That's interesting about 3 year olds needing different reasons to stay tidy than parents. I think I'll keep that in mind when encouraging tidiness. :D

Great thread Tan. As for the loo - can you give him a reward for doing it on his own? Maybe even say 'you need to do it on your own so I can go and get you a lolly' or something?