Need some moral support with day care blues

I have just started my DS in occasional care for 2 hours each week. My main reason is to get him more socialised with other kids as he's very clingy with me (and seems to be getting worse). With another baby coming I just want him to be more self-confident and know he can play happily on his own. Anyway the 1st 2 visits have been a disaster and I've ended up in tears leaving him as he's in such a state. They need one carer looking after him solely as he is so distressed.

I just need some moral support that I'm doing the right thing for him (and me) and I'm sure everyone has been through their own harrowing stories. Would love to hear about it. I'm dreading next week :cry:

Its heartbreaking to see you baby reactiing this way. I have had my son in day care 2days a week since January this year, so far so good. Just the mornings is when he cant let me go..its the tears that kill you to leave But you have to walk away and let them get used to it. ( I cried closing the door & would call them to see if he was OK but within 10min he was fine)
I have a friend that's little boy is a real problem with other kids. he cries and sreams when one comes near him, she is putting him in day care next month.
Distraction, Perseverance, and your strength is what is needed for your bub to get through this. Day care centres see this happen all the time, they are trained to deal with bubs that are not used to this change. If you stay positive & keep telling bub its a great place to be its more of a positive vibe they get......It gets easier! just think each week will be better. And you are doing the right thing.
Stay positive \:D/
Colleeg

Justine, if it is only to get him to socialise with other children, maybe you could try a playgroup instead? That way, he will get the social interaction with others, but you will be there with him the whole time. The first few times i took Lindsay to playgroup, he was clingy, but after a while when he saw the other kids having fun, or if there were toys he loves to play with (cars and trains), then he would wander off on his own and before he knew it, he was off playing with other kids.

I hope things work out soon for you.

Is he distressed the whole time he is there, or for just a little while? My two are masters of putting on a show when I drop them off at creche but I know they are fine 5 mins later as I've hung around and spied through the window to ease my mind.
If it is something you want to persist with then he will get used to it. Make it fun for him and try not to drag out your goodbyes. Tell him that you will be back soon. Maybe have a treat for him in the car (a freddo?) when you pick him up, and tell him he was a good boy and this is for him.

I've had Mason clinging to my ankles so hard that he almost dacked me and I've had to carry him to the room kicking and screaming while he had a handfull of hair so I had to prise that out of his grip. As he is older now he can be reasoned with but he knows when creche day is and refuses to get dressed, or brush his teeth, or get his shoes on, get in the car etc. It is draining but I know he has fun there and some days he even asks to go and play with the kids.
Angus has started copying his brother lately so it's twice as bad some days.
I need my space and they need theirs. I have no family in the area and the friends I have work so I don't really have anyone to mind them for me during the week. Mason has come ahead in leaps and bounds since he has been going to creche. It's only one day a week.
Good luck!

I agree Sammi - I think I'm also doing this to get some space. Shopping without a screaming child who won't sit in his pram at all sounds like bliss. He doesn't cry that much once I leave but needs constant comfort from a staff member (usually on their lap sucking his thumb). I feel a bit guilty as they have 4 other kids to supervise.

He never interacts with other kids in my mother's group - just hangs off me. He's definately a shy kid and would rather observe than join in. I'll stick it out and hope by the time the baby comes that he copes "sharing me". I live in hope anyway.

I wasn't prepared for how much guilt is involved in motherhood!

I agree with you all too, But I think with playgroups they still see you, so they are not learning to be independent. They build a releationship with the kids and carers that is different to their mums and dads company.
I think too its important to get your space and time for you. Even if its just for half a day!

Hi Humphry... it certainly is a hard situation isnt it?
I had to put my son into daycare two days a week this year as I was starting Uni.
Well the first week was a shocker for him... I was convinced that I was going to have to pull out of my course, as he just wasnt handling it very well. They would call me to come and pick him up before midday as he was just so upset, and they didnt want his experience to be so bad that it would make it harder for him to adjust iykwim?
But as time went on Aidyn has adjusted sooo well to going. At first he would still cry when I dropped him off, but even after a couple of weeks he stopped doing that!

How old is your DS? Sorry if I missed it somewhere...
Aidyn was 20 months when he started. He has also always been a very shy and clingy baby too...

Do you know if the carers at the daycare make a real effort to distract him? Such as by reading stories to him, or doing drawing/paintings, or blowing bubbles? I know Aidyn LOVES doing this stuff, and his daycare always have heaps of activities like this planned for the kiddies, which makes their time there so much more enjoyable.

I truly hope that this week things are bit easier for your DS in the occasional care... Please let us know how things are going!

Hi Humphrey, Yes you are dping the right the thing as hard as it may seem. And lets face it it's not like you are leaving him and he is in that state all day, it is only for a short time when he first gets there. It may seem like forever for him and maybe even you but i promise as time goes by and he adjusts to the environment and the routine of it he will react in a more positive manner. Have you tried to leave something of yours with him to "look after" until you get back, i am not sure if at his age he would understand the concept but it may make him feel a little more secure knowing he has something of you until you get back.

As a trained child care worker i had all the theories as to what i needed to do when DS (3yrs at the time) started pre school in order to help him settle in, i was not prepared however for the emotional pull it would have on me when i had to leave with him crying, which in turn i ended up crying a few times. It only lasted i think 4-6 visits of him crying but after ringing them half an hour later to find out he had stopped crying before i left the carpark was a relief. I made it my mission then to get him settled in an activity before i left and let him know i was interested in what he did.

Good luck and i hope it gets easier for the both of you.

I am a Family Day Carer myself and know from experience that yes, you are doing the right thing. I have been where you are and it is reality that some kids just don't react well in the child care centre environment.

My DS went to a CCC and even though I was paying $56 a day they would call me to come pick him up half way as he was so upset. This was when he was 7mths old. I tried again when he got to 18mths old in another CCC. He paced the room all day with his blankie and never ate. They let him colapse on the floor wherever he fell asleep and just walked around him. It was so sad to pick him up and know he had a bad day. I tried 1 day a week for three weeks before I pulled him out.

I have now been caring for other kids in my own home for 12mths, but still send him one day a week to a family day carer and he settled straight away. He loves it. He sometimes wont get dressed in the morning and i threaten him "we wont go to Wendy's house" haha that gets him fired up and looking for his shoes.

I see the emotional acting that kids put on their parents. Truely it will subside and they do learn that you will come back. Most of the time the crying stops once the car has left the driveway. We are trainned in how to handle seperation. It's hard on us mum's too. You are not the only one who has felt this way and wont be the last. Just hang in there as you will need this time by yourself as much as your son needs his space.

Let us know how you get on.

Hugs for you Justine :hug:

I first put my DD into daycare for once a week when she was 3. I think I started about halfway through the first term. The first day she screamed so bad, I was in tears.
One of the ladies came over and tried to coax DD away from me while at the same time reassuring me that both DD and I would be fine.

When I picked her up, she was happy, and as we were driving off, she was saying goodbye to everyone.

The next week, was exactly the same, she cried again. Every week when I dropped her off, she would cry/scream, and she did this until about the end of July. At that time we had a death in the family, so had to go away for a couple of weeks. When we got back, she fell back into the same routine, but thankfully for only the first 2 weeks.

I felt awful for leaving her there when she was obviously so upset, but when I picked her up she was always happy, smiling and had some artwork to proudly show off to me.

Nic

Justine,

I stareted full time work when Maddy was 3, so a close friend offered to have her as she already had 3 kids & said it was just as easy to have another... So I dropped Maddy off there every day & she knew the family, kids etc really well, but was still sad, although she never cried, she just used to say she preferred it when it was just her & I...
She was extremely shy & wouldnt ask for a drink or go to the toilet etc as she was so shy, but after about 3 months she started using the toilet there rather than hanging on all day....
Sh must have been distressed but tried to hide it from me coz about a month after she started going there all her hair behind her ears had fallen out, I took her to DR & they said it was a common form or seperation anxiety, I felt so cruel.... I hated myself & it took alot of reassurance from my friend & family to continue working & now Maddison is very social (rarely at home)...
Honestly it has made her a whole new person with so much confidence, often to the pint of ****yness!!! But I am so glad i persevered (i know it was a family friend) but eventually they all settle in & it can be good for them...
I miss both my girls immensely as i am back at work again, but this is what we need to do to survive!!!!

Best of luck...

Thankyou so much to everyone for your responses. I know it will get easier as time goes on, I just need to be strong. It's reassuring to hear other people's experiences.