Forced to wean

Hi girls,

After 18 months of bf, I am forced to wean DS.
As my periods are only 3 weeks apart with fairly heavy bleeding, I have been given meds that won't allow bf.

Point is, DS is absolutely NOT amused that the bf are over.
I tried explaining to him why but he gets so angry and upset!
(i realise he is quite young for explaining, but I try anyway)
He screamed the house down for most of the night last night. It was 1 HUGE tanty ALL NIGHT!

Do you guys have any tips for me? There is no reaching him when he has a tanty.
We 'just' need to find another way to calm him (he loved to be fed to sleep, he has trouble calming down and surrendering to sleep by himself)

Thanks everyone!

Hi,

Was it your desire to wean now, anyway? Was this something your doctor discussed with you?

I'd be interested to know what medication you are on (you can PM me) If the meds you have are like the combined pill - the reason you can't breastfeed is that they will dry up your milk - not that it will be harmful to your 18mnth old. so, if that's the case you could keep feeding for the time being and as the milk diminishes he might find that he decides by himself that it's not worth continuing.

If you had wanted to keep breastfeeding - go back to your doctor and get a plan that doesn't preclude breastfeeding.
If you wanted to wean anyway, you have probably broken the back of it. He's vented his anger, and will probably be a bit better. Enlist other family members to help out with him/distract him. Keep busy for a couple of days. Start a new bedtime routine - read him a book before he goes to sleep. Be generous with the cuddles, and keep explaining that there's no milk anymore
Let us know how you go.

Hi Barb,

The meds that i am on are called sixpills, it is more a herbal (chinese) supplement really.
I read on the box that it is not for pregnant or bf mothers.
It was given to me by a Chinese acupunturist. I went there as my af was only 3 weeks apart, quite heavy (lasted 10 days this time too) and my cycles are painfull from ovulation till mid-af.

I have been to the same acupuncturist before I got pregnant with ds, also to relief the periodpain and to help fall pregnant.
She did advise me to stop the bf as to help regulating my cycles. But i was about to let that go in one ear out the other.
I don't mind the weaning, I just wish it was DS making that decision. I bf him with so much love for the past 18 months that it is really hard (emotionally) to force him to wean.
Especially as he is VERY strongwilled.

But even if it turns out that these sixpills are not exactly a danger to him, I'd better not let him go back to bf. I feel like I need to stick with it now as he will use his determination to try and be the boss of me IYKWIM. I need to be really consequent with him. He needs that.

I will just have to find a way with him to help him fall asleep without boobie (he has trouble making the transition from play/exploring to relaxing and falling asleep. He will fight sleep as long as he possibly can and then some)

Thanks for the support and advise!

I sounds like you're ready to wean, but just wish the circumstances were different? It's hard when we make the decision to stop but our babies (toddlers!) aren't ready for it. Not much use trying to explain it either - they don't care!
He will be upset and even angry for a while, but I think Barb is right - you're probably through the worst of that now anyway.

We are in the process of weaning now, down to 2 feeds, and I recently stopped feeding to sleep for his day nap. I spent a LOT of time cuddling, rocking and singing him to sleep for a week or so. Now we've transitioned to lying down together to go to sleep. It's actually much quicker now than when I fed him to sleep! I was afraid to stop feeding to sleep for a long time, but I'm glad we've done it now.

Good luck!

Hi,

It sounds like you are ready to wean and by the time I write this, the worst of it might be over. It's normal to havie some conflicting emotions, as a mother, about the weaning process. You have fed your son really long and really well - you have done a great job, and if you feel like you are ready to wean, that's all that matters.

I really don't know much about the pills you are on, but it is unlikely that they would have necessitated weaning. There are really very, very few drugs or herbs that are contraindicated with breastfeeding. Unfortunately, most drug companies don't give a rats about breastfeeding and most packets come with a piece of paper containing an inaccurate "cover your arse" clause stating that they should not be taken while breastfeding. Breastfeeding in it'self doesn not "cause" your periods to be close together. It's a shame your health provider didn't look at the underlying issues, rather than just grabbing for the potential "quick fix".

I was also interested in your statement that if you didn't continue with weaning your son would see himself as "the boss of you". It is normal at his age to want to let his feelings be known. Breastfeeding is the norm for 18mnth olds - it provides significant comfort and food - it's normal for him to protest against a sudden weaning.

The need for consistency is sold to us with parenting. But what if you decided to resume breastfeeding. Would it show him you are weak? Or would it show him that he was heard and understood? That his point of view was respected? That when you realised how intense his needs were you were able to consider those. Would he learn (OK - this is a bit complx for an 18mnth old - but he will pick up the feeling) that you were human. That you made the best decision you could based on the facts you had at the time, but when you recieved other information, you were able to reconsider your position. Is it so bad as a parent to "change your mind"? I can't see how or why.

As my children have grown I have had a fair bit of experience in being wrong, making mistakes. It can be really very powerful and bonding to be able to say "sorry" to your children. To admit to making mistakes, to be able to consider a decision in light of new information and be prepared to change it.
Anyway, best of luck with the weaning experience, let us know how you go

Another brilliant post Barb:clap:, thanks. This is so relevant to me right now too. Though I am trying to cut back on feeds we've been 'reverting' a bit recently as DS has been sick quite a lot. I think my DS can understand that sometimes he gets more milk and sometimes I say no.

A sudden weaning is probably quite a shock to him - are you cutting all feeds out all at once? Could you try cutting back more gradually, over a few weeks, instead? That might be easier on the both of you.

All the best

Hi,

You are right, the need to be consistent with him is forced upon me. I personally try to take things as they come with him and put his needs first.
I already "caved" yesterday. I didn't take the herbs after dinner ( i am supposed to take them after each meal) so I figured my milk should be quite safe for him at around 9pm. He couldn't sleep and missed his boobie. So i figured what the heck. I really miss bf him too.
So I guess I will just be "weak" in other ppls eyes and at least feed him at night if he wants too. Milk should be safe then in the morning too.
It is so healthy for him and bf is such a special time.

Thanks Barb for reminding me of this! And saying it is okay to not always be consistent.
Problem is tho, that DH isn't supportive, he thinks it looks ridiculous to have a toddler on the boob.
O well guess I have to make that HIS problem hey!

Thanks again, it really helped me!

Oh - big hugs! You are a great mum. You know you didn't "cave" You are sensitive to his needs, and caring. Can you check with the Chinese herbalist what the ingredients are? I bet you anything it's fine to take them and breastfeed.

Thanks Barb,

That is wonderful to hear. All I keep hearing is to be consistent and that he is now too old to still be on the boob.
I never intended to have a toddler on the boob, but I love the bf bond we share and I reckon we grow with them and therefore it is not weird to have a toddler on the boob.
I felt it physically hurt when I thought I was giving him his last feed. And it felt good to feed him again last night.

Thanks again for the support! By the way I emailed the Chinese herbalist to ask why the herbs can't be taken whilst breastfeeding. I will let you know as soon as I get an answered, it might help someone else too!

That's great - good for you two.
Maybe you can strike some sort of compromise between the herbs & breastfeeding.

I just wanted to say that when I started on this journey I never expected to still be feeding now and really understand what you are saying about growing with them so it doesn't seem strange to be still feeding them. I love the bond we have and love feeding too but also feel I need to encourage DS to wean as he would feed as often as a newborn if I let him :lol:

I agree with Barb and Marcellus I don't think you are being 'weak' more flexible and sensitive to your DS's needs and that is what we do all day as mothers after all. My dp also thinks I should be giving DS more cow's milk and that I should have weaned him already but I keep asking dp why he thinks another animals milk is any better then the milk I produce... he never has an answer.

Goodluck on your journey

:hug: You are doing great. If you really want I'm sure you could just stick with the night feed. You are not weak. It is so hard denying them the only thing they've had for comfort for so long.
I do have a friend who just weaned her 16 month old. It did take the best part of a week, & now, 11 days later he will still remember & point to them, but won't get upset, or really ask for them.
You've done a great job so far! :D

Glad to read that you're following your heart on this one :hug: That can be so difficult to do when your partner is unsupportive or non-understanding about what you are wanting to do - in fact, chick, nearly impossible, so well done you! Partners play something like 90% of influence over a woman's retention of breastfeeding, or so the studies from the last few years in various countries suggest.
I agree that the herbalist hasn't been very thorough on the breastfeeding front - and probably doesn't realise how important it is to you and/for your son. I hazard a guess to say you didn't push it much with her? Anytime's a good time to start letting your caregiver know that you actually value the breastfeeding and would appreciate any assistance she can give you for continuing, as per your personal preference and the WHO Code.
Your son is very lucky to have a mummy who can see his needs through external pressure to ignore them :)
My DS is now over 3 years of age and it's only in the last 6 months he's gone off having day feeds...so much for DP assuring me (to my inner mocking voice of "yeah, that's what you think") that by 18 months he'd only be having a morning and night feed! It wasn't in my pre-birth intentions to feed for this long, and afterwards the plan was (once we got the whole BFing caper right after sorting out the Tongue Tie situation) to just let him decide, like you wanted to do. Don't let go of a good thing too easily.
Best wishes with your period issues and also with your continued breastfeeding career! I'm so glad you came here to talk about it and that Barb found your post :hug:

Awwww thanks everyone!

I needed that support of others! I don't think anyone else around me really understands.
At this point I only take the herbs after brekkie instead of 3 times a day. That way I am sure that my milk is safe at bedtime and when ds wakes in the morning. I won't do day feeds anymore. But am happy to still do the others!

Fingers crossed that acupuncture alone will do the trick with my periods!

Big thank you kisses to all of you! (also from my DS how loves to be back on the booboos again!)