Which would be better for a 21 mth old

I am going into hospital on Monday to have a c-sect (part of me wishes I wasn't but it is a fact of life)...

Anyhow, I am now starting to really stress over what to do with DD.. I am having probs with inlaws & DH doing things the way DD wants and therefore reducing the amount of tantrums (between 3 of them who took her out this morning, none of them could think to change a nappy and not suprisingly she leaked and had a rash).. She also isn't the best sleeper at the best of times, and I don't see in-laws making her sleep, and putting more pressure on DH at night times..

My options are:

* my mum and Dad coming on Tuesday and taking her home with them till Thurs or Fri (when I come home). She knows them and they adapt our rules as much as possible, but she won't see me and DH and baby daily..

* leave her here with the inlaws, which will also mean DH can't spend as much time with me at hospital as he will need to be home by 6.30ish to get her ready for bed (especially if the day sleep isn't enforced). And be getting up to her if she is unsettled as well as trying to get to know his new baby at hospital..

I am so torn, as I think DD should see me and baby daily, but I think she would have a better routine if she was with my parents. I also don't think it would be wise for Mum to come and stay here while inlaws and take over the care of DD (just use your imagination here)..

Anyway any input greatly appreciated. I have till tomorrow evening to make a decision..

I understand your predicament and if I was in your position I would let DD go with your parents. I know you want her to see you daily, but she will be ok not seeing you. I had a similar prob with my DD (who was 3.5years) and basically in the end I did what was best for her routine and my worry levels, and she didnt' see me and bubs straight away or consistently for first few days, and she was fine. I think it was more me missing her and worrying she would feel neglected,rather than her feeling left out etc.
Good luck with your decision, just dont feel that you will be letting her down by not seeing her at first. It might be nice for you to focus for a few days on getting you better and meeting bub and then feeling a bit more on top of things when you have DD with you. xoxo

I would say go with your parents as well, if only so that you're less stressed about her welfare and can put your focus where it needs to be for those few days.

go with your parents will cause the least amount of stress and worry for you :hug: its tough, i missed my DD when is hospital and yes i did get to see her daily but only for say an hour a day, it was too hard and boring for her to stay much longer than that

Im going to go against the grain here...i reckon leave her with the inlaws, and get DH to look after her at night...most hossis want visitors and dads outta the rooms by 8pm anyways...(you need your rest too). Oodles of time for DH to get to know newborn. DD is most important and keeping her in as much of her routine as possible is what i would be striving for (own bed, own home, dad tucking her in....etc).

For me...when i was in hospital recently having my 4th, i found it very, very hard not to see my girls ALL day. When they did come and visit me, it totally brightened my day. No way could i have gone 1 day without seeing them....my youngest was 20 months at the time.

GL with your decision though...

Go with ur parents! definatly less stressful for you - and her routine might stay the same when she gets home making things easier for you and the new bub!

I totally get where you're coming from, and I would be sending her to your parents place. Obviously it's not ideal, but it's probably the best solution for her (and you ;)). It's only a few days after all, and although we all know it would be preferable for her to be able to see you each day, she will likely be better off with your parents. And although you will miss her, you won't worry about her!!! The last thing you need while YOU are getting to know your new baby, is to be worrying alot about your DD.

Good luck, can't wait to see the BA :D

That really is a hard one! I would lean towards sending her to your parents if they are going to keep her in her routine BUT only you know her personality and how she will handle the separation from you. Something to consider (which I'm sure you have) is whether she is going to feel pushed out of the way to make room for the new baby...I know that is not what you are doing, but will your DD understand that? She may see it as a fun and exciting holiday with you parents...or she may feel like she is being pushed away. The last thing you want when you get home is your DD resenting the itty bitty new family member for stealing her mummy away. Only you know your DD well enough to know which way she will sway :)

Sorry I wasn't much help, lol, but I am sure you will know what is best for your family :hug:

I would send her with your parents as they will follow your rules and you will be less stressed (well apart from stress of not seeing her) BUT this way DH can be with you more.

Good luck

I need to think of these sort of things soon.

Thank you all for your advice..

I finally had a chance to talk to DH (as I already spoken to Mum earlier when I packed my DD in the car and took her the water for a destress walk)..

He was totally fine with me sending her to Mum and Dad's.. She is much more relaxed and better behaved even at our place with them. I really believe it is just because she knows my parents, but only gets to see inlaws every 6 months or so..

mbear, all the things you pointed out were the reason that this was so hard. The only other person she will go to sleep for is my Mum if she can't have me or DH. Also DH has never had her on his own at night, and even he isn't sure how much support he would get from his parents while I am away. I will be 2 days without seeing her, so not as tortured as if it was the full 5 days..

I am really going to miss her, but when DH admitted that he was also starting to worry how he would cope, I know this is the right thing to do. Just not sure if he has told them yet that she is going away for a few nights..

Hey hun, glad you were able to come to a decision. Just wanted to offer my experience.
We live some 6 hours away from all our family.
When I had Nate, Mum and Dad came down. They offered to take Darcy home with them for 5 days and then bring her back. I was horrified. She had never ever been away from me. It was hard enough me worrying about her and her routines with with DH let alone being away from home. DH though was all for it and just about shoved her into their car lol.
As the week went on, it was me that appreciated it way more than DH. He missed having someone to play with and torment (funny how they forget all the annoying stuff). I on the other hand really appreciated the alone time I got with both Nate and DH. The little guy was born having to share me, so the precious time I got with just the three of us will keep me going a long time.
Darcy had a blast on her 'holiday' and still talks about what she did with Nanny, six months on. Plus she was bored stupid at the hospital despite the preparations I had made to keep her occupied.

Sure her routines were out the window and I had no control over the rules I normally have or what she ate, but I received a gift so much greater. A few days without her routine won't kill her. She will have Nan and Pop all to herself - and they will dote on her no doubt. Darcy's did. Now don't get me wrong, we are very much routine oriented in this house (I have OCD for heavens sake) and Darcy was the crappest sleeper (until Nate came along), but when you think that her world will change anyway with the new addition, she's sure not to have any terrible habits formed.

Best wishes for Monday, can't wait to read your BA, and enjoy your special time with your new bub.

to your parents. When I had Sofia 6 weeks early Maria went to my parents for a week so I could get feeding Sofia in the SCN undercontrol. I knew they would take care of her in the way I did.

Its good that u have made a decision and one that both you and hubby are happy with! i think you will be able to relax alot more now!

Goodluck on Monday!!!!!!! :D

Holy Molly today is sunday - so goodluck tomorrow!!!!!!

I glad you were able to come to a decision. I know how you feel. It's hard when you have to leave your older child when they are still so little themselves. Good of luck tomorrow.

You need to do what ever will cause you the least amount of stress right now. Either way your DD is about to undergo a major change in her routine with a new bub so a few days out of her normal routine now won't matter greatly in the bigger picture. Particularly with a c section you will need plenty of rest and recovery time. Even if your folks take her and you don't see her every day (and I know how that will probably hurt) you will have your new little bubba and it could be a god chance for the two of you to bond.

What ever you go with I wish you a joyful birth, less the stress of worrying over your DD. Hope all is well and goes smoothly.

Best of luck then...in a week or 2 this will be all forgotton.....(where DD will be staying) and you will ALL be home with new baby enjoying each other as a family of 4 !

Best wishes for tomorrow.