My own little angels

I have read alot of stories about loss of our little angels and I thought I would share mine with you.

I firstly fell pregnant in the year 2000. I was about 6 weeks pregnant and was starting to feel all the symptoms. I told my dp at the time and his words to me were 'fix it'. I was angry, confused, upset...and no one to talk to. I unfortunately a couple of days later had a miscarriage. I remember the pain of losing this child even today. Even though I had never met this little baby, I wanted it more than anything in the world.

In July 2004, I fell pregnant again, this time to DH (different partner). I didn't know that I was pregnant but remember going to the toilet to find a blood clot. I went to the Mercy Hospital a few days later and found out I had been pregnant but unfortunately, I lost the baby....Why me again??

I then had s successful pregnancy and had my daughter in Aug 2005.

In December 2006, DH finally gave into my begging to have another child. I fell pregnant after 3 months. I was excited, thrilled, elated. What more could I want. I went for a blood test at 5 weeks and my HCG level was 120..??? what the? I then was asked to go back the next day for a further test. I went back it was in the 130's???
I was asked to go and have a scan, which I did and during the scan they found some tissue in the left tube. No baby, just tissue. I was advised I had suffered a partial ectopic pregnancy and I would need to have this tissue removed.
I was admitted to Monash Medical to undergo a Methotrexate injection which eventually helped the tissue to desolve.
I was advised after this injection, not to try again for 3 months due to the injection.

As soon as 3 months was up, we started again...and within a month, I was pregnant...woohoo. But was again, disappointed. Same thing happened. This time however, I was advised that there was no chance of me being able to conceive a baby whilst I had the left tube. Apparently my left tube had bad scarring and I had a sump (!). This sump acts like a vacuum and holds onto the embryo, which then puts me at risk of a full ectopic. I was advised, the tube has to be removed.

My whole world fell apart. I knew people who had had children so easy, friends who were having babies and were due at the same time. I questioned God everyday, and it turned my life upside down. I did have the tube removed, and it broke me. Enough was enough. I wasn't going to continue to torture myself.

But I gave in to the feeling of wanting another child so badly and went under the care of a great Ob/gyn at Monash IVF. I was diagnosed with PCOS and later underwent fertility treatment.... I am now blessed with two beautiful children. Emmaleigh Louise (4) and Spencer Aleksander (10 weeks).

I hope my story of loss and sadness inspires you to continue and not give up hope. It took a long time, and yes I gave up, but my determination won me over.