It is wearing me down

I'm sorry - this is more of a selfish vent I suppose.
DD's tantrums are getting me down. She has at least one a day now, often more. They are not the tantrums of old, lasting only until I withdrew my attention or distracted her with something else. Now they last until she has no more energy to scream. Usually they last at least 20 minutes.
For the past week or so, she has had one at bedtime. We used to have a lovely bedtime routine, but now it seems the routine incorporates a period of screaming on the floor. I am so tired. So mentally exhausted from trying to remain consistent, trying to remain calm and patient even when my hands are itching to smack her, trying to think of strategies and different ways to communicate different things to her in an attempt to make it easier for her to understand. I know it is her asserting herself, that it's an important part of her development. I just don't understand why often such simple things turn into a battle of wills.
When will the tantrums get closer to stopping? When will the "power play" be over?

oh finally someone who is going through the same thing as me!!!! Ava use to go to sleep no hassles, not a peep. Past few months it's tantrum central at bedtime! She SCREAMS the house down the minute you put her in the cot, jumping up and down and will keep screaming until she makes herself gag it's so frustrating! i have no advice but I will be definately watching this thread closely

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I just don't understand why often such simple things turn into a battle of wills.

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Ahhhh - simple to you babe - BIG thing for her ;)

This is what they do to give us grey hairs and look more like parents ya see? Wear us down until we crack it and can't take anymore and just say - "oh god, whatever - DO WHAT YOU WANT" :lol:

Wanna swap kids? DS is alright most of the time, can be a complete PITA with constant repeated questions (what are you doing mummy? where's daddy mummy? what are you doing mummy? where's daddy mummy? what are you doing mummy?.... continues throughout the DAY) or his selected "deafness" when I say something and he acts like he is deaf or dumb or something and everything is answered with a "huh" or "what" - after repeating it twice I usually say "you heard" and he repeats it back to me -cheeky little bugger!!!!

I just keep reminding myself that he is sooooo darn cute when he is sleeping. Cos by 9am this morning I felt like throttling his little neck!!!!

I'd give a bit more choice at bedtime. So she can get off the floor and pick TWO bedtime stories or sit and scream on the floor while you knit (or do something else with your hands to keep them off her!) and when she's ready, then it's bedtime. Maybe she's not ready for bed at that time - so maybe give her a longer bath? Maybe tell her that YOU like bedtime (even though you don't) because you love sitting and cuddling reading together. What does she like? Ooooh, that's good: let's do some extra of that tonight, would that be good?

I often let DS out of bed to turn off his light else I get a tantrum. Who really cares about turning off a light? Well, DS does. Then we have to go and make his glow-in-the-dark planets spin around before I put him into bed.

DS's tantrums last past distraction and ignoring too. I just tell him that when he chooses to play, I'm in the other room building a tower. Then I go back to whatever we were doing before he had a hissy fit. Or when he's ready to play again let me know, I'm going to read my book. I don't care beyond the fact that I'm going to win - and I tell DS so. If he asks nicely, his request is considered. If he screams, he doesn't get it. He runs off and I pick him up and bring him home: I win. I always win because I am Mammy. Maybe we should try getting on so that we both win. Bizarrely enough, that does work quite well.