a sort-of disappointment

DH and I are really looking forward to Monday when we go in for our first visit to the IVF clinic. I’ve not seen him this excited since we got married (he's ADHD and every day is full-on excitement).

AF was 2 weeks late and DH was getting a bit hopeful that a “miracle” had happened and that we were pregnant, even though he had the snip over 3 years ago.

He actually looked heartbroken when I told him last nite that AF had come for a visit.

I’m almost thinking that any unsuccessful attempts are going to affect him more than they will me, I’m going to try to be of the philosophy that with every embryo that didn’t take, that it is one that wasn’t supposed to be our child, and that my mother has one (or two) especially marked out for us. I had this philosophy when I miscarried 10 years ago (not that Mum was picking one out - she was still alive then, but that the pregnancy wasn't meant to be).

I also have this philosophy when it comes to death, that it was their time to go, that they had done what they needed to do, learnt what they needed to learn and taught those that needed to learn lessons from them. Basically that is the only thing that has got me through the loss of my father, grandmother and mother (in that order).

Oh well, Monday at 1.30pm we sit down with the consultant at the clinic and discuss our treatment, we should also be booking in when DH has his extraction.

S

Schaz

What a great philosophy for life! By realising that everything has a purpose and a time it puts loss (and gain) into context. I'm sure your mum is looking down on you both and guiding the angels that surround you.

Difficult to manage the expectations of others.... I think how you react will really influence how he reacts. Not that I am saying that you should show no emotion or anything like that. Perhaps he is looking to you for guidance on how he is supposed to react, if you are philosophical then maybe that will help him.

Good luck for Monday.

thanks for that - even though I'm scared about Monday I know everything is going to turn out.

I think DH (Drew) has a good idea on my philosophy on death, he was there with me when my Mother passed away. The first thing I said to her while she was lying in a morphine induced coma was "everybody will be ok mum, it is ok if you go, we'll be ok, M (my brother) will cope as he has J (his wife) and me, I've got Drew (my then BF), we'll be ok, you can safely and happily pass to be with everybody else". He also leant down when he cuddled and kissed her and whispered in her ear that he would look after me for ever (he told me this on the aniversary of her death last year). I had also said similar things a few months earlier with my best friend's mother, that her daughter would be ok and that we would be there for her, giving her permission to die (she died about 7 hours later).

I'm going to be honest with him over my feelings, it has taken me a while to be able to open up as I was the strong one that the family lent on when my mother was diagnosed with cancer in 2002 (even though my brother is nearly 25 years older than me!), so I had to keep everything "controlled".

Schaz - I'm sorry about the loss of your mother. Just wanted to wish you all the best with your treatment and with getting the help and support you need. I'm sure BB will be an asset to you at this time.

Mel (former IVF patient)

thanks.

We've decided that we're going to harvest during my june-july cycle, so hopefully I won't get AF in july and I'll get a :bfp: