3yr old DS pooing pants again , what can i do

OK , i am mad , angry and frustrated and just plain old OVER IT !!!

DS has been TT for about 1 yr now and up until 3 or so weeks ago , was fine , no problems and just weed over night , that was fine .

BUT recently , he got constipated and had encopresis (where fresh poo leaks out around the hard poo) and he was in pain and discomfort , he had a few accidents in his pants and was so very upset when it happened . i was upset for him too so i told him not to worry it was an accident etc , once we gave him a suppositry to help him .

im not sure whats happend but EVERY poo since has been done in his pant , he upset about it and he does still say it hurts and wont go to the toilet , so he does it in his pants

the poo is sometimes hard , sometime sloppy mostly very dark in coulor .

i took him to the doctor and he gave my coloxal , it doenst work , apparently is a stool softener , thats not what i need , his stool is soft .

a nurse suggested parachoc (along with a healthy diet , which he has ) as she thinks he has a blockage that needs to pass .

but what ever it its i want it GONE !!

i am so sick of cleaning up poo , more to the truth im am perpetually angry at DS and just want to give him a big ol smack and leave him sitting in his own poo . but his cry up sets me too ,.

now im not sure if i made him think its ok to poo in his pants coz in the begging i said it was OK as it was an accident

Now i just tell him it makes mummy very angry and upset that he poos his pants , and that i know he is growing up and can use the toilet .

if i ask him if he needs to poo he always says no and aviods it

but im am so angry at him whenever it happens i want to blow my top at him , but i dont as i know hes only 3 and im not entirely sure if it is something he cant help , or if its attention seeking .

so what can i do to get him back on the toilet ? telling him off isnt working and neither is a toy bribe.
i just want to be a happy mummy again , i feel like all my effort in to TT him has gone down the drain , and i feel like hes doing it on pourpose . so im getting angry as i cant help him .

will going back to the DR to get a 2nd opiion be good , or is this a common toddler thing ?

i heard him cry just befoer and i knew hed pooed , he was in the bath room trying to wipe his own bottom so he knows hes done it and what to do , but now has a fear of the toilet so just does it in his pants .

this is for me , soul destroying as i have stopped taking him out , as im embarresed when it happens and coz none of my friends have this issue with their perfect little toddlers who were asking for the potty at 4 days old .... they look at me with disgust like i cant help my DS or that im too lazy to fix the probelm ... its upsetting for me too .

Hi Lea,

I am so sorry that this is causing not only little Nixon alot of upset but also you.....i can totally understand where you are coming from and why your feeling the way you are about this when it happens but it's not your fault and i doubt very much from you telling him 'it's ok it's an accident' a few times that he has thought well if its ok now it's ok to do it all the time.
Is he actually having trouble doing number 2's? Does he cry when he is actually doing it? Does he hide? Maybe he is too scared to go and sit on the toilet,maybe it's hurting and he doesnt know how to tell you this so instead he is doing it in his pants and going off to wipe his own bottom (what a good little boy for wiping his own bottom).
Please,please,please dont let your friends upset you anymore then you already are over this....they dont know what it's like to be going through what you are so they cant really comment and for all they know there perfect child might end up doing this exact same thing one day.

Big hugs to you darl x

Massive hugs. I felt this way when DD1 reverted back to wetting her pants 12 months after being TT.

I guess I would be thinking about whether the problem was psychological or physical.

If it is psychological then I would imagaine that positive praise would be a good approach. Maybe even start up a rewards chart.

But yet again the issue could be physical like my friend found out with her son, who has a problem with the muscles in the anus.

Sorry I wasn't much help...

:hug: has he been checked for a fissure or a tear? Fear of pain can make him hold on till he has no control over it leaking out.

Parachoc is a good thing as if he has impacted faeces that poo can still sneak past (sneaky poo the ped calls it ;) ) it will help it move. It's something you need to keep using daily and possibly the whole bottle. Once the bulk of it has passed you can reduce the dose but the bowel needs time to return to normal after being stretched by the impaction and his confidence also needs to return.

:hug: It's hard and I understand the anger and frustration but it's not a quick fix thing. Don't worry about what other peoples kids are doing either. Toileting issues are rarely spoken of I have discovered and I'll bet my bottom dollar that among your friends perfect children others will have issues. Maybe not the same but they choose not to speak of them!

Hun, I have a friend who went through this with her DS at a similar age. They had one bad bowel episode, and afterwards he regressed to pooing in his pants. It turned out that he was just way too scared to go to the toilet, it just hurt too much. She kept seeing Drs until someone listened to her and helped her to sort out the problem. Which was not that he was being naughty, but that he was having real problems with his bowels. As well as other things, time, patience and understanding helped him to get back on the toilet. He was fine within months :).

It is probably worthwhile going back to see an understanding Dr for more advice :hug:

Oh chicky, your feelings are totally natural. Your friends, well . . one day they will have to get off their high horse when one of their kids experiences a setback themsevles.

Get the second medical opinion, maybe an enema might be in order (unplesant I know) just to reassure you there's no blockage there anymore so you can be assured it's just a psychological problem not physiological still. Have you put him back in nappies while this is happening for your own comfort - at least so you can go out??

My nephew was terrified of the toilet for no reason and kept hiding and didn't toilet train AT ALL until 3 1/2 so it is NOT unusual and toddlers of that age will often start having accidents if a new sibling is born etc for psychological reasons as a phase- so I don't think it sounds odd at all that something like what he experienced could set off a series of accidents or toilet phobia. Could you try maybe getting him to use a new potty for #2's if it's just the toilet he's afraid to do it on??

I feel for you hun, hope you both get through it soon!

DS has started pooing in his undies too, I am just trying to reinforce that poo goes in the toilet not in the undies, and im hoping like anything that he grows out of it soon

thanks ladies ! i feel a bit better about it today , i actually got him to sit on the toilet and do a poo !!

but i think theres something going on inside , as even though he did it on the toilet , it was so mushy and sloppy that it was all over his bottom , luckily i bought those wet wipes that you can flush .

i will be making another GP appt , i guess you just know when your kids arent right .

im am super happy that he went to the toilet today , now i just have to wait till DH gets home so we can buy 3 matchbox cars :rolleyes: (small bribe involved ) i wanted to give him one , but we settled on 3 (i was desperate to see a light at the end of the tunnel!! lol )

happy for you that he did it on the toilet! even if it did ost 3 matchbox cars, small price to pay!