Rough time so far... few questions for other Mums

Hello,

I am a new Mum with a very chubby 10 week old gorgeous boy. We have had a bit of a rough time so far - terrible labour ending in emergency caesarian, got let out of hospital too early and didnt realise my milk wasnt in and was starving the poor little fella, back into hospital for 4 days as bubs had dropped too much weight. Then he had a little seizure and the world as we knew it ceased to exist. Blood tests, humicribs, lumber punctures, drips, brain scans, MRI's the works. I cannot explain how awful this was and it all started on day 4 so I was highly emotional! Anyway, this has all passed now and we have been given the all clear on all tests two weeks ago.

We have been building a house and had a lot of trouble with our builder, we extended our lease 3 times but now we have had to move out and stay with friends for a couple of weeks, so it has been very stressful.

We have pretty much done this all alone as all our family and friends live in Perth and we live in Queensland. We have only been here for 18months, so we have some close friends and our Mums came over for a couple of weeks when bubs arrived but it has been difficult with out our support network around.

Because I am crazy, I went back to work only two weeks after the birth. I work from home so I throught it would be no dramas as newborns sleep alot during the day..... My boy is only catnapping for 30 mins about 3 times a day so can make it very difficult to get any work done! I can get very stressed out whilst trying to stay professional and keep him quiet during a conference call!! But giving up work is not an option - just like everyone else trying to make ends meet!

So, I finally get to my questions:

How much time between sleeps and feeds should I spend actively playing with my baby? I have been trying to learn to put him down and let him play on his own for 20 mins or so, but I spend the rest if the time playing with him to encourage his development (I am super paranoid after all the doctors and scans etc).

What little games can I play with him? I chat to him and show him all his toys but was wondering if there is anything more structured I should be doing?

Everyone just keeps telling me things will get worse as my baby starts to crawl and walk and get into everything and will be increasingly demanding of my attention, would you say this is the case? Is this the case until he goes of to kindy? (Dreading that day already!)

Before baby I was a very confident, outgoing, social chic. But now when people invite me out or offer to look after my baby I just cant bear the thought! I know I will get over this one eventually, any tips on how to make the process less painful? How long did it take you to go on a night out or leave baby with someone?

Hope I havent waffled on too much! Thanks Mums xxx

Each bub's is different hun...and I'm certainly no expert.

DD has been great now, as she gets older she's really into entertaining herself (she's now 20 mths), and I get the kids out of the house for a walk to the shops / park at least once a day (otherwise they get cabin fever lol)...When she was younger we did have playtime, storytime etc and there was also time when I put her in a rocker / swing and she'd end up having a nap there often lol. Which gave me time to get stuff done.

I am sooo much more flexible when it comes to home life now, I used to be a bit rigid lol. I ended up getting too stressed if I had too much on my plate (as I've always set myself quite high expectations inc study, exams, exercise etc only a few weeks after having number 2 bubs). I'm personally no advocate of too much routine - however bed time is set, and we have an 'outing' each day, we have a bath / bed routine etc (but the times it occurs varies from day to day, albeit slightly).

As for going out - I've only ever left the kids with my mum (unless I'm going to work then it's child care), although I wouldn't have an issue leaving the kids with someone I trusted and had some kind of experience with kids - or at least the smarts of when to call me if they needed help lol...

You certainly are doing well with a newbie, working, isolated from family etc, so hang in there and trust your instincts!

Hey darl! You guys have had a rough start!

First of all, I'm thinking he needs more sleep. Maybe when he starts to stir, go back & pat him & try to get him back to sleep. I'm pretty sure he should be sleeping around 2 hours at a time & about 3 times a day (or there abouts).

I wouldn't worry about going out for coffee etc. Take your time to settle in. Even now I have weeks where I just don't want to do anything, or see anyone.
Maybe just invite a close friend or 2 over for coffee to your place (when its up & ready). Friends who understand babies & mess, lol. Friends who might watch bubs while you shower, or wash up for you ;)

Try to take it easy. Your going to be under a bit of stress til your in your new house & settled a bit. Don't put any extra stress on yourself. Relax.
You'll get your nights back one day, but it'll never be what it was. (You probably already knew that!) As I said before, its easier having social times at your place. That way babies routine doesn't have to change & they still sleep in their own bed etc.

Good luck, relax, & enjoy your new home when it happens :D

Hey there. It is hard to work with a bub at home. I started my PhD when DS was 3-4 months and ended up with terrible PND from all of the pressure of trying to do both. I deferred and restarted at 12 months which was more realistic for us. Using a sling so he is on you may help him to sleep a little more and also give you some hands-free time while still spending time with him. But I have to say the more alert they are of their surroundings the more they want to be played with rather than just being with you.
I think I actually have a baby play book at home which I don't need. It is in a well loved condition but has great activity ideas for babies from birth to 1 year. PM your addy if you like and I can hunt it down. You should be guided by his behaviour as to when he is happy to play by himself and when he would like some company. Babies just like experiencing different things and places, such as different tactile objects, musical things, toys, trees etc.
HTH

'Play' for a baby this young, really is just pulling faces and talking to them.

You need to calm down a bit and relax. You are stressing and over thinking things. Make sure bubs is getting enough sleep. And if you feel you aren't coping, or don't know what to do get in touch with your local child health nurses and ask for help.

Huggs, being a mum can be one of the hardest jobs in the world, you don't need to put any extra pressure on yourself to be perfect.

It is very tricky for lots of people- yourself included, so don't feel alone. Re your questions"

How much time between sleeps and feeds should I spend actively playing with my baby? They
need about 1.5 hrs (I am guessing) between sleeps and the playing comes in when you dress, bathe, nappy change, feed him etc This is all valuable time to interact so do those things as you normally would and take your time doing them. Leaving him supervised on a mat for 10-15 mins is fine when you need a cuppa etc.

What little games can I play with him? I chat to him and show him all his toys but was wondering if there is anything more structured I should be doing? No, no no! You don't need structured play IMO with a bub. See above answer!Talk to him, explain what you are doing, what daddy is doing etc but not so you go mad. Just little chats.

Everyone just keeps telling me things will get worse as my baby starts to crawl and walk and get into everything and will be increasingly demanding of my attention, would you say this is the case? Is this the case until he goes of to kindy? (Dreading that day already!) Forget kindy time for now and think about the next couple of days ahead. Things don't get worse. But baby will demand more time and attention than a newborn and you will love and cherish every minute of it. I too gave up postgrad studies temporarily that I started before baby as baby just required so much time and attention that I was too tired and disinterested to study. You can only do so much and I just figured baby was my priority and once I established that (not hard!) everything fell into place and stress disappeared. Perhaps down the track you can get someone in for a few hours a week to mind your bub while you work from home?

Before baby I was a very confident, outgoing, social chic. But now when people invite me out or offer to look after my baby I just cant bear the thought! I know I will get over this one eventually, any tips on how to make the process less painful? How long did it take you to go on a night out or leave baby with someone? I still haven't got over this (and DD is coming up 2yrs) and to be honest I don't miss my night social life at all. I just don't leave DD with anyone and I don't go out at night except DH and DD come too which is very rare. My social life took on another form and is now a day social life that mostly includes people with chn or else it is all too hard for me. I found pregnancy, birth and the first year of motherhood was quite a confidence blow anyway as I struggled and couldn't cope with lack of sleep etc (all very normal stuff I since found out) but happy to say all is well again.
Sounds like you are doing a great job with your son so don't be hard on yourself!

:hug: oh boy you have had a frantic start to it all, haven't you!

My little girl is 11 weeks old today. I just started doing some work at home last week & boy is it hard. I can't imagine how you have been doing it since then! Well done :)

She generally goes back to sleep an hour or so after getting up in the morning.
Later in the day it might be an hour & a half, late afternoon can be as long s 2-3 hours - although that is when she starts getting overtired & cranky.
She will sleep for 45m - 2 hours (the last couple of days she has done two 3hr stintis! but that's rare).

I agree with BJrose, they usually like a bit more sleep than what your little guy is getting, although if he's coping ok & isn't too cranky maybe that's just him, they are all different.

Playtime - after she wakes, or after a feed she goes on the floor without her nappy, she has a playgym & is very happy down there for a bit, then when she starts to call out she comes up with one of us for a cuddle & a chat. We pull a lot of faces to her, talk to her use funny voices etc.

With both sleep & play we follow her cues. For example I know when she starts to vocalise a lot she is getting tired or bored & wanting some attention. When she starts to zone out & stops engaging with us, she's getting tired.

Leaving her with others... for the first few weeks, I didn't even want anyone else to hold her. I 'm getting over that...slowly, lol.... and in time you will feel more comfotable about leaving your baby. But it is normal to feel like you do right now! He is only young still you had him right there with you for 9 months...don't rushthe separation. You have had a rough start too & that will affect how you feel. Start slowly, through the day just for a half hour ata time while you duck up to the shop or something. Baby steps!

You're doing great. FWIW I had a very similar start with my third child, emergency CS, back in hospital at day 4 with suspected seizures etc & it impacted on me & my parenting for a long time. Be kind to yourself and try not to worry too much :)

Have you joined a Baby buddies group yet? I think you would fit mine if he is only a week younger - here is the link Babies born July 16th - 31st 2009

Good luck hun & remember, you are doing a fantastic job! :hug:

My DD also only sleeps for about 30-45 minutes at a time. At 10 weeks, she was doing that every two hours right through the day. So she was awake for about an hour each time before it was time to start getting her ready for another nap.

At 10 weeks your son is discovering his body in lots of ways. Has he found his hands and feet yet? (he may not have - there is lots of variation in this) Give him things to look at and reach for, and things to kick at with his feet when he discovers them.

Let him play with looking at your face, and the different expressions you can make.

Encourage him to be vocal by imitating back at him the sounds he makes to you. He is already learning how to have a "conversation" in which one person says something, then the other person says something, and so on. Try to listen to what he has to say, and take it as a serious comment - he'll appreciate the attention.

Make sure you give him plenty of "tummy time". 10 times a day for 30 seconds to a minute is good, according to my MCHN. Put toys in front of him to reach for.

My DD was not able to play by herself at this age. She needed someone there. But it was possible to sit beside her doing my own thing while she was investigating the dangly toys on her playmat.

I wouldn't let any of my friends, even close trusted friends, mind my baby because she doesn't know them. It's not just about me trusting someone, it's about her knowing that person. The only person who has minded her so far, and that only for a couple of hours, is my Mum, who she sees every couple of days. Your experiences might be different, but that's how I feel about it. I'm too tired to go out at night anyway. Daytime coffees are good! :)

Hugs to you - that start to parenthood would spook anyone, you are doing well.
I agree with jasp, come and join our baby buddies group, you will get plenty of support there.

As for play with my 10 1/2 week old, we do lots of 'chatting' and things to help her discover her body and new sounds. Things like crawling/fluttering my fingers up and down her arms, legs, body and head (she cracks a huge smile with the fluttering fingers on her face) peek a boo, holding her hands and feet and moving then around (cycling motion with the feet, row row row your boat with hands) and having a handful of items that make different noises (toys, alfoil, baking paper, cellophane) and either scrunching them in front of her face or attaching them to her hands and feet and let her make the different sounds by scrunching, moving or kicking - baking paper with a little hole for her foot to go through is a winner at the moment!

Hi Im probably not much help cz I have a toddler and tbh preggy brain is sheilding me from those newborn memories (I had the child that would only sleep on me or in his car seat no in between for the first 6 weeks of life). Just erlax and work out what works for you. I didnt really play with DS as such I sang to him and talked to him nothing really that can be considered playing I guess.
Sleeping was whenever and however long he would and Id just nap with him if I was tired.
im another Cairns mummy and soon to have 3 newborns so if you ever want to chat just email me or PM me. When I had Aiden I had no family or friends where I was so I know how daunting it can be to feel isolated with a dependant. im always up for coffee or a chat if you need someone just to vent to.

Hi ladies,

Thank you so much for all your feedback! I feel heaps better today, decided to try the routine again to try and get the little to sleep a bit more. He did his usual and woke up after half an hour but I rocked him to sleep again for another half an hour and then again, so 1.5 hours sleep this morning and it was really easy to get him back to sleep!

Its nice to know I seem to be doing the right things are far as play goes, I put him under his activity gym and in his rocker in between sleeps and feeds with lots of chat and I imitate the noises he makes. We take him out for a walk or in the car every afternoon, he sleeps beautifully in the car and in his pram!

I have decided to be a bit gentler on myself, and I have taken a couple of days of work next week for the big move. This will give me time to get everything sorted, and then I will have more time to focus on work which will mean less guilt!!!
xxx

I reckon everything always seems a little brighter the next day!

Don't be too hard on yourself you sound like you are doing a great job. I can't even contemplate going back to work after 1 year! Is there any possibility you can do part-time work from home? Say only a few hours a day or something just so you aren't as stressed out about getting work done?

Have you got a sling or baby carrier you can pop your bub in after play time? He might sleep for a bit longer if he's snuggled up in front of you and you can still get work done as your hands are free.

I've found nappy free time really great for DD. She loves it and will happily roll around for a while by herself, as long as she has a couple of toys to look at. She will roll around and chat and be quite happy playing by herself. She loves the freedom of having no nappy on as well! I also take her outside in her rocker to hang the washing out and bring it back in. A few times I've also laid out the picnic rug under a shady tree, prop her up on a pillow and she loves looking at the sky and the tree, especially if there is a little breeze so the leaves move.

We have also abandoned the "sleep, eat, play" routine the MCHN 'strongly suggested' as I found it just didn't work for us as she usually only sleeps for 30-45 mins during the day. Occasionally she will have a big (1-2 hour) sleep of an afternoon which is great as i can get a fair bit done. So don't stress yourself out trying to fit him into too much of a strict routine, I found trying to get the sleep/eat/play thing right quite stressful, and we are now in more of a sleep/eat/play/short nap/play/eat/play/sleep kind of thing. Lol. As long as bub is happy (and you are happy) that's all that matters!