Last trisemester & still feeling clueless

I have 3-4 weeks more to go. I still don't know if i'll have an elective cesarean or natural birth... the more i read the more confused i get. There are equally horrible stories on e-sections and natural births. I'm just so scared at this point, i wish i don't have to choose any!

And the fact that i will be alone and not having any support person during labour/delivery doesn't help either. Has anyone done it alone? can you please share some stories ? (encouraging ones will be greatly appreciated, as i'm dreading this too).

the amount of information available can be really overwhelming. for me, one of the big deciding factors was that i wanted to do everything possible to avoid having 'surgery'. i felt that my recovery time would be faster post-birth if i had a vaginal birth. what is it that scares you the most at this point?

i did have my DP with me during labour & the birth but i also found the midwives to be incredibly supportive. they were in the room with me almost all of the time.

i know you're close to your EDD but is there any chance you could have a doula with you if you don't have another support person?

Is this your first bub? There are some lovely stories you can read on how you can have a great birth. There are some in the Birth Stories section on bellybelly, and i have found some good books too. (Active Birth by Janet Balaskas; Ina May's Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin; Birth Skills by Juju Sundin with Sarah Murdoch)

Is there a friend who you would ask to assist you? Or would you like a doula?

C section has a longer recovery than vaginal birth, and i think this would be more difficult if you were on your own. You would manage if you had to, but if you can avoid it the early weeks with bub would be easier.

take care,

Hi hun, it is confusing isn't it? I remember being terrified of birth the first time round and wishing I could have a c-section. In hindsight, i'm very, very glad I didn't.

It's probably not exactly what you're looking for, but I have a link to my dd's birth stroy in my signature. I did most of the labour without a support person, and gave birth without any medical staff in attendance. It can be done- you need to have a lot of trust in yourself and your body. I read some fanatsic books during my second pg that really helped me during labour-let us know if you'd like some recommendations :)

Hi Sloane..

What scares me the most? many factors i guess, it's a compilation of what i have read..

My dilemma,

Since i will be doing this alone, with Caesarian i guess the benefit is, i will feel more in control ( over time booking, plans to get to the hospital, length of delivery time, pain management etc). But i am aware of the list of risks, the thought of epidural scares the hell out of me, longer recovery period, bonding issues, infection, complication & such..

Vaginal delivery: faster recovery, less risks. But it comes with all the unexpected things that could happen, ie: contraction/ water broken can happen any time, being vulnerable and not having anyone to drive me to the hospital. I feel so depressed just thinking about that. Also not knowing how long labour will last for, and not knowing whether i can cope mentally/physically through it all etc.

You mentioned about Doula, i have just heard about the term. PI will try to find more information about it.

Thanks for your reply ..

Whereabouts do you live Banana_Juice?

I'm sorry to hear you'll be on your own - that must be quite scary. BB has some great information on doulas and birth options. Where are you based? What hospital are you booked into? Private or public? The reasons I ask is, there may be ladies here who can help you with advice based on your situation. There are also doulas on the forums.

BB has some great articles that might help.
Doula Revolution - Doulas At Birth
Hiring a Birth Attendant or Doula - Questions to Ask
Saying 'No' to Unwanted Birth Support People
Hypnobirthing
Hormones In Labour & Birth - How Your Body Helps You
Caesarean Section or Vaginal Birth - What Difference Does It Make?

You can always get a taxi or an ambulance to hospital or maybe one of us, if you live nearby. One concern, if you're on your own, is being able to even lift your baby after a caesarean. A friend of mine slept in a chair at home for about a week after her caesar because of the scar/pain and had to call her husband to come and lift the baby so she could feed him every few hours. Is your hospital/midwife/OB aware you're on your own? They may be able to organise some support for you afterwards. I don't know, but it doesn't hurt to ask.

I haven't yet done it myself, but I've read stories of women in unexpected circumstances (even without support), who have found an amazing strength to birth their baby however, whenever and wherever they are. Many of those stories are on BB. You may really surprise yourself when it comes down to it.

I hope it all goes well.

Dear All,

Thank you so much for your replies and inputs, i really appreciate it. I searched some information on Doulas last night (there are so many! and the cost apparently can vary quite differently from 1 to another). But definitely, the idea of Doulas sounds very comforting right at this moment. I will just have to see if i can get in contact with couple of them tomorrow (and hopefully can afford one!) ..

Kate07, well yes i have friends, but no family here. The thing is, I don't want any of them to know that the father of the baby will be absent during the one of the most important events in our lives. Complicated situation i guess, but with what i have right now, i don't think i can cope with all the emotions, questions, family worrying etc. We're/ he's sort of having a crisis.

Tashy, Shades, i'm in sydney, having a private care in a public hospital. My Ob never mentioned anything about doulas (well i guess because i never asked).

:

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It's probably not exactly what you're looking for, but I have a link to my dd's birth stroy in my signature. I did most of the labour without a support person, and gave birth without any medical staff in attendance. It can be done- you need to have a lot of trust in yourself and your body.

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Lori, i read your incredible story, i was at the edge of my seat till the part where you said you found a moment of perfect clarity!

OMG ... definitely don't think i'd pull through if i had to go through all that by myself :o:doh:

it sounds like a doula might be just what you need :)

good luck with whatever you decide in regards to the birth - i hope you get a chance to let us know how it all goes :)

most of all, i think what lorirae says is true - trust yourself & your body, no matter how you decide to birth :hug:

Dear Tashy,

Thank you for the many links you posted, it might some time for me to read through them. But maybe it will also answer some of my immediate questions before i contact my ob or any of the doulas. Ob is not yet aware that i won't have any support person. I will bring up the issue when i see him this week.

Thanks again.

Banana_juice
Just wanted to say I was on my own for the birth of my DD - your body and your baby know what to do. I always felt I was just there for the ride. Your concerns about getting to hospital etc are minor - if you are alone when your waters break or your contractions start call an Ambulance - you have private insurance so no worries about the cost.

The ambulance drivers will provide the support you need to get you to the hospital where the midwifes will take over.

It really is not a terrifying experience - I promise. As long as you and bubs are healthy there is no reason to have surgery which is more risky and has greater recovery time. You have to think about after the birth as much as the birth.

Just remember stay calm have your hospital bag packed and call that Ambulance.

Good luck honey. xx

i wouldn't worry to much about when you go into labour, its usually quite tame and uneventful and SLOW.... you might start to get period pain, and then it progresses.... there is LOADS of time to get to the hospital (usually, i know there are the exceptions of people's baby's coming in an hour etc, but you'd have to be pretty dam lucky/unlucky for that to happen)...
you could call an ambulance, or if you are going to the hospital early i don't see anything wrong with driving yourself, i know they would advise against it, but if its in very early labour with just mild period pain contractions, it could be done.... or call a taxi! ambulance or taxi - easy options...

its usually only in the movies where your waters break in some public place and thats the first inkling you have of labour, again i know there are exceptions to the rule...

i have a student midwife who has been going to my appointments with me and who will be present at my birth, maybe if you don't have a doula, you could ask if there is a student that would like to be present, and meet them before hand... chances are they would be dying to see a birth... my student has two kids, one c-section, and one VBAC so is a wealth of knowledge through experience... just an idea.

honestly the going into labour while exciting is not terrifying, as said above... its slow and steady in most cases.... i stayed at home for a good 12 hours before going to the hospital, then had another 15 hours at the hospital, hopefully yours will be quicker than that, but you can see there is loads of time to get to the hospital before the real action takes place (usually!)

good luck!

for what its worth, having been through a long labour, and then a emergency c-section, if i were going it alone i would definitely opt for the labour...

there is ALOT more to consider if you are having a c-section - you still have to get yourself to the hospital and will have time constraints there (you can go whenever you like with a labour)... you will also need alot of help support after the birth....

once you get to the hospital you will have the support of the midwives, and getting to the hospital honestly won't be anything like what you have seen in the movies.... go fairly early and it will just be a normal journey with the occassional cramp/contraction... if your waters break you just sit on some towels...

Hi have you posted on here looking for a doula, or trainee midwife, there are usually a few that are looking for woman to support as a part of their training and they will do it for free. It would be nice to have a support person, but you will find that when it comes to the time a midwife will be wonderful and if you let your OB and hospital know I am sure they will be able to find someone who will be suited to you, perhaps a more mature midwife, more motherly???
I have had both natural birth and c-section and survived both, I am going back for baby no 5;)crazy I know!!! I am undecided whether to try for a natural birth again or c-section, only because natural is likely to end in c-section again and I wonder if I should just go straight to it, but the girls are right what makes me want to try natural again are:

1: a lot better for baby to choose their own birth date then you know they are ready.

2: like to know that I at least tried, and I got to experience labour again, you might be surprised at how it goes, and a lot of girls ahve regrets at not having laboured afterwards.

3: recovery is a lot easier, I can relate to sleeping in a chair :o it was a huge shock at how incapaciated I was, my cs after the first weren't too bad though.

4: after cs you won't be able to drive for 4 weeks, that might complicate things.

5: excitement about going into labour verus the dread/count down of impending c-section (but thats just me? others it would'nt worry I guess?)

What about asking your OB for a trial of labour? and if you don't cope, find it too much, then go to cs, obviously he is entertaining the idea of you having a cs??

First baby you will find you will have more than enough time to get to hospital, if your waters did break a towel (depending on how broken they are?) or often a pad or 2 is enough, I have thought it would be a bit embrassing but now think if it happens it happens, tis fairly obvious you are pregnant and have no say in the matter!!!:D

Wishing you the best of luck, it is a nervous time, I don't think there are many of us who did'nt have some kind of worries first time around, it is really that you don't know what to expect..and the reward at the end however it happens is you get to meet your gorgeous baby.