Help - should I co-sleep or not?

Hi all. My beautiful baby daughter is almost seven weeks old. During her first few weeks she was happy to sleep for up to 3 hours in a stretch in her bassinett after being cuddled to sleep. However, in the last two weeks she wakes up as soon as I put her down and will not have a bar of it. The only place she wants to sleep in on my chest - with her belly against my chest. Wrapping/swaddling doesn't seem to work for her - just results in a lot of grunting as she tries to get out of the wrap (usually successful). I have a gro-bag but even that is not working.

My gut instinct is to just let her sleep with us - but am worried about safety of doing this, so would love some suggestions/advice. If anyone does co-sleep can you let me know what you do to make it as safe as possible.

Not getting much support from my own family - my mother told me I need to start being a 'mother' - and let her cry for a while - wtf?

honey :hug: hugs for starters.

For starters...forget everything anyone ever said about it.......negetive, nuetral or positive

What do YOU and your DH want to do? What do you feel is right for the 3 of you?

I understand that there are dangers...but the benefits are rich and rewarding. The bonding for both parents is just precious, the comfort in knowing that she is happy sleeping so close with you. The sleep all 3 of you will get.

Their only babies for such a short time.....make the most of it and remember this time as a lovelt enriching experience between you, instead of misserable, upsetting and tiresome.

Goodluck

Hun, being a mother is all about knowing our children, listening to our instincts and doing what is right by them. Noone else can tell you what this means, it's like a secret conversation between you (and your partner) and your child.

The No Cry Sleep Solution contains a useful rundown of safety dos and don'ts. Basically, it's pretty common sense:

Keep pillows & blankets away from baby's face
Don't sleep with your baby if drunk or otherwise intoxicated or if you've taken medication that might make it hard for you to rouse.
Don't co-sleep on the couch or someplace where they can roll and get caught between cushions.
I think you should also be careful if you or your partner are very obese.

There's some other stuff I can't remember, but as I said, it really is common sense I think.

Hope you guys get some good sleep.

If it works for you, then do it! There is no way I would have gotten half the sleep I have had in the past year if not co-sleeping...I just used to hold DS in my arms, when he stirred I was instantly awake....we now part co-sleep (with him in our bed) the cot is right next to our bed (which is technically classed as co-sleeping ) once he falls asleep in our bed, I move him to the cot, started doing that as he woke one morning ad now that he can crawl, managed somehow to not wake either Dp or I and dive bombed off the bed! :o
There are little cosy sleeper things that you can buy, like little soft bassinets with sides etc, that go in your bed for the baby to go into, never used one, but they look good.

check out the SIDS website, i think they list all the safe co-sleeping guidelines.
if it is something you want to do and it will benefit you and your family, then do it, dont listen to anyone else! DD went through a stage of only sleeping on me during the day, and i now go by the mantra 'do whatever works!'. she is pretty good now, but occasionally i might put her into our bed if she won't settle after an overnight feed, if she wakes up at an ungodly hour of the morning (like 5am and i am so not getting up to start the day!), or if i want an afternoon nap as she tends to sleep longer if i am next to her.

Hi,

Most parents do co-sleep at one time or another. they find, just like you have found, that babies are designed to sleep with their parents - and parents get tired and need some sleep too. Given that this is the case, it's better to make your bed a safe place to sleep. Never sleep with your baby if you are drunk or drugged. It's not advisable either, if you or your partner smoke. It's actually safer to sleep with her in your bed than struggle, exhausted out to the couch and fall asleep unintentionally.
And, co-sleeping is one of the simple pleasures of being a parent

Thanks so much everyone for your wonderful responses. We ended up co-sleeping last night and it was such a lovely blissful experience. We all slept very well and beautiful molly just wanted to cuddle up very close to me all night - how can there be anything wrong with that?

exactly! It is beautiful isnt it!? I miss having Jacob in the bed these days, but as they get older they get more wriggly too...enjoy it!

Hun :hug: I wish I had seen this earlier!

E is much the same as Molly by the sounds of it ;) Even in hospy I couldn't get her to settle in the crib for very long, so I just popped her in the bed with me and cuddled her till she went to sleep, awwwww LOL The nurses were great, very supportive, and the only comment I got was maybe you should pop the side of the bed up. Anyway, I never intended to co-sleep with her it just happened and she is still in with us. TBH too after all we went through to get her we are both happier having her close to us KWIM? We also had lots of troubles with DD1 and her sleeping as a toddler, if we hadn't co-slept with her for a time we both would have been total basket cases from lack of sleep! She now sleeps happily in a big bed in her own room (although she insists on having a light on) and has done since she was about 3 years old, so don't believe the old "rod for your own back" comments :rolleyes:

E just sleeps between us on top of our covers with a wrap around her legs - doesn't like the arms being wrapped or the legs being loose - neither of us smoke or drink, so I figure she is pretty safe :) And breastfeeding her lying down is brilliant too, I was saying to DH last night that I have an almost 100% success rate with it for settling her down - the only bad thing about it is she dribbles it onto the sheets as she drinks ROFL

Don't listen to anyone (even your mother!) who tells you to go against your instincts, Molly is your child and you and you only know what is best for her. If that includes co-sleeping then go with it, you could never do anything that is wrong for her.

I'm so glad to hear you had a lovely night with her, how beautiful xo

Thanks so much Megsmum :hug: - i totally agree with you and it is lovely to hear you are co=sleeping with emma too. i also was thinking that it took a lot to get molly so it is really lovely having her close to us.

Molly seems a lot happier today too - almost like she is saying 'hey mum you finally figured out what I want' and what she wants is lots of company and closeness - hey who can fault that!

Thanks for your reply - it has helped so much

oh and Megsmum - I agree re the breastfeeding - it is so nice feeding lying down - very blissful
:hug:

hi babymiracles

I second what everyone else has said, and obviously you have found out yourself now that following your instincts has made for happy mum and bub!

I just wanted to add my story - I had some fairly - not negative, but not positive either - preconceptions about co-sleeping before Zac was born. But we had problems with feeding, and I really don't do sleep deprivation that well ;) Falling asleep in the chair after (or during) feeding just wasn't safe, and I was pretty quickly going to burn out. One night I brought him into bed for a feed and we both fell asleep. It was blissful. Waking up to my gorgeous little boy snuggled into me was an experience I am glad to have had! I was very nervous about it, and conscious of what I expected to be some judgemental reactions from others, but surprised at how many people started 'fessing up' to doing it themselves.

My DH moved into a separate bed so that he could sleep better as he was worried about how deeply he sleeps and also so that he could ensure he was getting some decent sleep. He came in one morning to see the two of us cuddled up together and how happy we both were and said "why would anyone NOT cosleep?"

Zac now spends the majority of the night in his cot, but we still have the odd nap together or he will come into bed if he wakes early in the morning.

It's wonderful!

In terms of safety, you should do your own research, but this is what I did: don't use fluffy doonas as they can settle over baby's face - blankets are better; when DH is in bed with us, Zac goes between me and the side of the bed; preferably only have one pillow; better not to have a really soft-topped mattress. I ended up using a woollen duvet (not fluffy, more like a very warm blanket really) and no top sheet to get tangled up in. No nightie or pjs for me, and kept my hair tied back. Zac would come to bed just wearing a little short sleeved body suit. He slept on his side facing me, but so snuggled into me that there was no chance of him rolling onto his face. As he got older he began to sleep on his back in my arms.

The only down side I can think of is you will probably end up having to change the bed fairly frequently :lol:

Thanks so much lovely Kate for the support, advice and for telling your story. Molly seems to want to sleep on her side cuddled up to me too although I got her on her back for part of the night. Had another blissful night last night - have had some negative reactions particularly from my parents but dealing with that okay.

Thanks again everyone :hug:

Yay hun and yay for Molly too! Happy baby = happy mummy LOL

So glad it is working for you, and no worries at all ;)