Another relevant performance tip
This one can be so apt here on BB, where the contributors (you and me!) can be so affected by hormones and emotional events in our lives:
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Inspirational Tip
“You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.”
Indira Gandhi (1917-1984) India's first female Prime Minister
Performance Tip
Can you perform in chaos? Can you remain focussed despite distractions occurring around you? We humans are social creatures and you may have noticed how chaos and drama can be catching. One person can walk into an office or living space full of drama and negativity, and this spreads like a wave until most other people are seeing, feeling and hearing the negativity, and even resenting the invasion on what was a harmonious space.
So what’s the solution? Most of the stuff that people react to actually has absolutely nothing to do with us. The mind stores all similar emotions and beliefs together; we call these emotional strings ‘gestalts’ from the German ‘gestellt’ meaning ‘to place or put together’. As we move through life and encounter challenging situations, we unconsciously bring all of that ‘history’ of all of the times we’ve ever felt anger or fear or frustration into events.
So when someone in your workplace or home has a strong negative reaction to something, an inappropriate reaction such as yelling at a child for spilling their drink or becoming angry with a colleague for leaving their unwashed dishes in the sink, a gestalt has been triggered. When a gestalt is triggered, they bring all of the emotion linked to that event, such as anger, and dump it in the event.
We all have gestalts. We’re all human and at times another person can have an inappropriate response to an event which has nothing to do with us, even though we may be on the receiving end of this.
It’s good to remember this and tell yourself “It’s not about me!” (unless of course you have done something to directly evoke the response; then you need to own it!) You could even ask yourself the question, “I wonder what’s going on for that person, (or what’s gone on in the past), which causes them to react that way?” This question is based in quantum linguistics and asks the question directly of your unconscious mind. It helps you detach from the emotion the other person is displaying, and know you don’t have to get caught up in it. It’s their 'stuff'.
Furthermore, it allows you to view them with compassion - which is heart based - rather than from ego, and helps you remain open to finding a creative solution. And finding creative solutions always supports us to perform better in life, doesn’t it?
Are you 'over-reacting' ?
If you find yourself having LOTS of negative emotional reactions to seemingly insignificant events, and it’s becoming a problem for you at work or home, if it’s affecting your performance and your happiness, then do contact us.
Our therapeutic coaching programs specialise in helping you let go of the gestalts or ‘baggage’ which may be stopping you from living the life you know you deserve. You might even qualify for a free introductory session. Email us or call the Life Performance office on 1800 790 559.
Have a happy week!
Carol
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Carol Fox
Life Performance Pty Ltd
Behavioural Change, Team Dynamics & Personal Effectiveness: "Support the Champion Within"
As always (it's like I've summoned the email), this tip arrived in my email inbox in good time (though maybe a couple of hours too late). This morning I had a mini-meltdown at DS over something special of mine that he took and broke...while I was asleep after a few nights of horrible sleep due to DD having a congested nose. Poor kid copped my raw emotion and wouldn't tell me where the broken bits were because I just intimidated him with my reaction (wasn't AT him, but had a similar effect). I've always been so careful with my reactions at mishaps specifically so that I don't alienate him and teach him to fabricate answers (he was giving me strange answers when I eventually got round to asking him).
Anyhoo, he's far too young to think "what's going on for Mummy?", and I do recognise that it wasn't just that the thing costs $25 (it's a very, very bloody good nail file, made of glass and in a shaft to supposedly protect it from breakage), it was a gift from a very special family friend, bought on my visit this year that marked the end of a very trying and emotional phase. DS didn't know that, he's only ever been able to absorb that I don't want him taking it or using it as a sword (that kid can get ANYTHING to be a sword!). I DID overreact and I know why. I also know that I'm the adult and I"m supposed to be modelling emotional maturity for him!
So, when he gets back from creche (there's the clincher for me, it's a creche day, when he gets emotional for being left there...), I'm going to somehow communicate that it's not about him, it was about me and it was not a good reaction.
So, this post is a tip, as well as a confession!
