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hi, so sorry for your loss. you really must not be too hard on yourself. you sound like you are very upset and angry, and that is exactly how i felt after my m/c. please don't think me rude at all in what i am writing i just want to help you with some info.
my job is karyotyping, and usually it is recommended if you have had 3 or more miscarriages. they might be questioning if you or your partner has a balanced translocation, where sometimes there is a chance you can pass on the unbalanced chromosomes and this maybe a reason for your pregnancy loss. however usually the reason for the loss is a trisomy, where the baby has 3 copies of one chromosome, and this is especially true for first trimester losses. you can request for your products of conception (sorry that's what we refer to them as, it sounds awful i know) to be tested but you might have to pay for a private lab to do it, but at least you will hopefully get your reason. i think we have an 80% abnormal rate at our lab for first trimester losses.
if you go through a public hospital to get your blood chromosomes done i don't think it's that expensive, if even you have to pay at all, but i can't really help much there. if they do have to start screening you and your partner for certain syndromes that's where it will start getting expensive.
i think your doctor is overreacting mentioning ivf already, but that is only my opinion, as you already have one healthy child. it would make more sense to get the products tested then if they have a trisomy you know that it could not be helped.
sorry if i seem harsh, i really do know how you feel and having a m/c was the worst thing that ever happened to me. but working where i do i can see that these things happen for a reason.
hope you are doing ok and you can pm me if you ever need to :hug:
Thank you for the information, you didn't sound harsh at all. The hardest part is not knowing why and not having answers, I'm angry I guess because they say 90% of women go on to have a healthy baby after a m/c, tell me to try again, I do and it dies again and now they are thinking an abnormality that may be occuring I guess I'm cranky they didn't just do the testing after Dylan so I didn't have to go through it all again. If that makes sense...
My normal GP is really good with referals etc writes to bulk bill and rings up to get you in etc, so I'm hoping that between them we can get some inexpensive testing done at some level.
I know things happen early for a good reason, "not compatible with life" normally if they don't survive I'm told, but it's still WHAT reason, WHY... grr. I'm just really disappointed, what's the point in trying if it was destined to fail again anyway...
Hmm I'm going to bed, I've had a bad night, hopefully the morning I'm more reasonable and less carpy