Making friends??

Hi Everyone,

Generally I am pretty happy with my life and I am blessed with beautiful healthy kids and a loving DH. Over the years I have not had a lot of close girl friends and I find it so hard to make friends. I keep asking myself why??

Recently I have added some old school friends onto FB and have realised that most of these girls stayed friends or at least in contact. I had 3 very close friends at school but we busted up around 1 year after the end of year 12 because I went to work and they bummed around on the dole and our life styles were different. As for other friends I wonder why we didn't stay in contact.

So I take myself back to school days and start analysing myself and find that maybe I just wasn't very likeable. I know I wasn't popular but I wasn't unpopular either. I guess I was a middle of the road kinda kid with nothing exceptional to offer. Although I was fiercly loyal and I remember getting jealous if my friends didn't include me and i got upset if the loyality wasn't returned. I truely believed that I was being a great friend but prehaps I was a smootherer instead.

Fast forward to now: Well I am still a very loyal person although not so smoothering. Infact my DH tells me that I am a wonderful mum and provider for my family but I am distant emotionally. My only close friend is DH's sisterand most of my other friends were hers first.

I find it hard to have fun and relax -I'm the one at the party cooking or cleaning or hiding behind my kids doing stuff for them. I have introduced some many people to playgroup but I haven't got to know them because I am always busy organising activities. I seem to make myself busy


So help me ladies, how do I make friends?


PS Sorry if this post sounds a bit poor meish

I've made a lot of friends on here :D

I totally agree its hard to make new friends, most of mine are from school or work.
I notice you're in Logan, im on the Gold Coast (not too far, right?) i'd be happy to catch up for a chat or anything if you were interested!

Hope you find some galpals soon hun! Everyone needs some girl time i reckon ;)

Firstly know that people, including yourself, change over time. I was also quite a different person in high-school to who i am now. It's hard but i try not to get all antsy in making people from my past realise this... instead i just try to relax and remember that it's not all about me :)

I find that the best way to make friends is to foster a deep interest in people. One barrier I had as a teenager was my self-centredness. I was very intro-spective. Popular people generally have a strong interest in others. My nearly 15yo DD has shown me this. She is hugely popular... and you know what... she also spends her life wanting to know what everyone is up to!!! It drives me nuts sometimes and often i wonder "why does she care???" but this is just how she is. She is like her dad this way. I took longer to cotton on. I don't have hundreds of friends but i do feel confident that I am able to meet and make them on a regular basis. Some of the best friends are made through common interest groups (like BB) and by studying or working together. I can't wait to return to study because it will mean i get to meet some people who i can talk to about more than kids! Having kids is a big friend-maker in itself (especially when they start school) but I'm looking forward to meeting a broader, even childless, cross section of society. The older I get the more I realise that everyone has a story... it's really fascinating teasing it out of them IYKWIM :)

:D Hey Bek, please take this in a lovely positive way ... is it possible you have some areas about your character you feel you could AND would like to improve on (i don't mean as in you changing yourself BUT more like improving on IYKWIM !!!

For example ... i feel more attracted to people who can smile & mean it, ask questions about others without looking forced too & look interested in doing so, appear to be secure with one's self, speak in a positive tone, show a love for life & appreciate all of what we have whilst we are here and can talk with an open mind & heart :heartbeat:

It does help to be a good talker (or chatterbox, LOL) but that's not an easy characteristic for all to have ... and it needs to be an area you would feel comfortable in doing and some people do enjoy listening more than speaking themselves ;)

So, i hope i have helped at least a little there ... and another thing which is great you are doing is that you clearly like yourself and that appeals to people when that shines through :dance:

I could have written the same post BekZ - shame we're in different States :shakehead:

ahhh if we lived closer i promise i would have a coffee with ya at least once a week.....:).
Ive found, since DD#1 has grown up, and become interested in dancing activities, swimming and this year school, ive been forced to make friends...no one wants to sit at a school parent thing on their own....no one wants to hang around dance class and read new idea all on their own. So for me, if i didnt get off my butt and talk to people (about what we have in common - the reason we are there i.e kids), then i would have been a very lonley and somewhat boring ole mummy....
School has forced me to , well, not make friends.....i wouldnt confide in them or anything. Its more nice chit chat.
YOur world will 'open' up Bek once you become less housebound - i know with 3 little ones your so limited...ive even found now, things ive been invited too with friends (like going to see New moon last week!!!!:shakehead:) i could not go to,because i have little ones etc etc. So dont loose faith, there will be a time in your life where the friendship aspect of you can broaden, where you can meet girls for coffee, where you gasbag after school drop off well and truly after the school bell....
Thats what ive found anyway....you sound like a lovely person, and im sure, no im positive when DD#1 ventures into the big school world then your circle of friends, and your confidence, will grow.....:)

Hi Bek, It's apity I'm so far away too, we could be mates :)

After ds was born I was unbeliavably lonely, and I set myself the challenge ofmaking friends. One thing i always find really difficult is small talk with people I don't really know, and that made it hard to meet new friends. i set myself some rules. i never say no to an invitation, providing it's practical, and I won't say no anymore just because i'm scared to go. If I'm stuck for converstaion, i ask people about themselves- people love to talk about themselves. I am ok with silence now, it used to freak me out if there was big pauses in converstaion, but i made myself not to rush to fill them- silence can be as good as talking. And I stopped second guessing myself- i used to replay conversations over in my head to see what i'd said that was 'wrong'- it's a habit I'm still training myself out of.

I'm pretty lucky these days in that I've got a handful of good mum friends (a few of who I met on BB). It must be difficult with three little ones- i'm finding it hard with two- but hang in there. You need to meet lots of people to siftout the ones who will become friends, iykwim.

HTH :)