Mums who work, while the partners are SAHPs

Just wodnering how many others are out there? I don't come across many mums in the workforce who have partners raising their kids, and seeing as this is going to be our situation soon (I start next week, and we'll bother be working part-time for the next 3 weeks, then I have 4 weeks 'off' while the center is shut, and then as of mid-January I'll be the working mum, and Shel is going to be the SAHM).

How many others are there? I'm a bit overwhelmed by how quick it's all happened! I'm ecstatic (despite having the guilts put on me by some people who think I'm 'abandoning my duty' :rolleyes:), but worried a little about Shel. I think she'll do great but I'm not sure how to help her 'settle in' to the roll... she's never had to look after Jazz by herself for more than 2 hours at a time and I think she really underestimates how much work it is. Any advice?

Any advice for me? Seeing as I'll be studying, I'm really worrying I thinkabotu coming home and still falling into being 'mum' as well... like coming home and cooking etc. Because that's just how its always been since Shel and I got together. It's a total shake-up of roles!

Anyway, i just thought it'd be nice to chat to other mums who go out to work :wiggle:

I'm in the same boat as you, Leash. It's coming, but hasn't started yet. As of the end of January I'll be back at work full time while DH stays home with Sam. I'm looking forward to it in some ways, but in other ways I'm terrified. I wonder what will happen when Sam gets those bumps that only a mummy cuddle can fix... I'm tending to sit back on the weekends (necessary on Saturdays anyway) and let DH do the work and see if he can fix whatever it is that is wrong or figure out what Sam needs/wants at any particular time... It's hard, but probably best to go through this now than to drop them both in at the deep end.

On another note - my Aunt was a working mum while her husband stayed at home with the children, and my cousins have turned out ok and my uncle did a great job. I know it can be done, it's just a shame my uncle has passed away now - it would have been great to be able to talk to him about it.

BW

I work full time while my partner is the stay at home dad. The reasons for that were because I earn alot more, he can run his business from home and he wanted to be a stay at home dad. In fact both our dads were the main carers so it's normal for us. He's not the best at cleaning so we got a cleaner but he does all the cooking as I hate it and I get home too late in the evening.

Liz

We did it for 6 months last year, and are doing it again as of tomorrow. It's really interesting being in the other partner's shoes and realising that neither role is easy LOL!

for us DH has been the SaHP since July, that's when Pip was pulled out of full-time creche to 2 days/week only. How he's dealt with it really is how I dealt with having a bub! Staying at home until feeling comfortable at home with everything, then short trips out then longer ones involving nappy change! He's just getting to feeding him out ...

As for chores, I still cook (cause it relaxes me) but he does the cleaning / washing / shopping which makes everything easier.We discussed division of chores before he started being SaHD!

I went back to work full time at the start of November and DH is a SAHD.
Its very different. I wonder how he gets the housework done as I never could with velco baby.

Rayray I wonder the same thing I could never get a lot done but DH is a domestic goddess! LOL :) But I was more social than him and went out a lot more.

I think Leesh leaving Shell alone with Jaz for a whole day like the hours you'll be at work is a something to try?. Where she can call you if she is struggling and you can come back if you HAVE to which you may not be able to when you start your job.
TBH I struggled with it at first, I was jealous and didn't want to go but once I got into the swing of work it has made me appreciate DD so much more. I enjoy her more now I think..is that bad? Its good you are going into your new job with excitment, you will be busy leanring new things that might help keep your mind off worrying about home.

It really is good for both parents to have a stint being the primary care giver I feel. It really is an eye opener. DH said to me today when they picked me up from the train he was "over" DD today I remember saying that to him at some stage :)
DH goes back to work in Feb and DD will go to FDC I am quite sad, its been good for all of us.

I work full-time and my DH is a WAHD - he has his own business (lizh - we sound like peas in a pod!).

I was worried at first too, but DH has really surprised me at how well he's done. We get comments all the time about how happy DS is. That's got to be the best endorsement of all...

I miss him a lot when I'm at work, but I get to be Mummy in the evenings and on weekends - when I let DH get some of his work done. I do the washing & shopping (because I'm a control freak with the washing and I enjoy the shopping :o ), but DH does most of the rest of the stuff.

The trick is to make any time off special - and not just filling in at home. When you have holidays - make events out of it - otherwise it just feels like an extended weekend.

I am the working parent and I love it this way! I get frustrated when DP wants to still frivously spend money when it is me putting in the hard yards, but other than that it works for us. :)

YAY I'm not the only one hahahaha.

Is anyone still breastfeeding? I think we've worked out most things except possible night wakings. At the moment she's sleeping 7pm-4/5am, and I don't mind getting up early with her as I'm an early bird anyway, but I don't know what'll happen with night feeds if she needs them.
Every now and then she wakes some time during the night and she'll settle really easily with me feeding her, which I guess means I'll have to get up to her (not wanting to get back into co-sleeping as she's a bed hog, plus she stays attached all night and that irritates the heck out of me!). I'd prefer not to have to, in case she turns it into an all-nighter :doh:

My hours are luckily not too long, usually between 6-8 hours, so not toooo long, and I work 5 minutes drive down the road (until I get my 'P's, I'll be driving there with Shel, and she'll drive home, and then come to pick me up, and I'll drive home). I just hope I can get my P's as a bus trip will take almost half an hour!

I think the thing I'm looking forward to the most is more time together, because Shel is at the moment working 6.30am-3.30pm, but leaves at 5.30am and gets home just after 4pm, and then her and Jazz get 30 minutes befor we need to do dinner-bath-bed... The earliest I start is 7.30am, so I can at least have a coffee with her and possibley eat breakfast with Jazz some mornings, and I'll usually finish 2-3pm (the latest I'll work is 5-6pm), so I'll definitely get to have dinner as a family... Plus weekends and public holidays and Christmas/New Year off...

Oh, and Shel not coming home with the ****s all the time because of work/traffic/headache from work/traffic LOL! Like yesterday! FAR OUT was she in a ****house mood!

rayray, Shel is a bit of a domestic goddess, actually on the day of my trial (5.5 hours) I came home to an almost spotless house and two very happy people, which made me feel relieved. Jazz hadn't slept though LOL, poor Shel, but in a way I'm thinking WELL you should have learnt how to put her to sleep instead of relying on me ;)

ezymay, I'm expecting to enjoy Jazz a lot more too... I remember saying "OMG so over Jazz today" many times, which is sad because I have so much time with her but I'm just not making the most of it. Quality over quantity hey!


Well, Shel is cvounting down the work days she has left, and its now 24 (including today) until she's a full-time SAHM. 51 days until I'm a full-time (ish... well it is full-time when you include the study I have to do too) worker!

Leash, I also think I'll be able to enjoy Sam a lot more once I go back to work. The whole absence makes the heart grow fonder thing.

In reality, I'm used to having people around me all the time. I'm a teacher, I have thirty teenagers at a time and about 14 people in my staff area. There's ALWAYS someone to talk to, and it's adult conversation. I've gone from that to a SAHM so it's pretty much just me and Sam and it's killing me.

DH has only just left for work, and I've already told him today that I'm just over Sam.

BW

Hi Leash,

Congrats on the job too btw. I work while my hubby stays home. I have also been finishing off final units in my degree so its been a busy year, but its working for us. Darren loves having the time with Sammy (4) and Ruby at home. Ruby is 10.5 months, so its been a huge adjustment for him to be able to care for a bubs so young, but hes been just fantastic at it! Ruby is breastfed and I Darren will often bring her to the office for a feed or i will call through and feed her in my outreach roles, though she really is doing fine without me!

I have found that Darren is able to have her in a better routine (ugh..hate that word!) that works for all of them. For me, when ive been home with the other kids, they would tend to feed a lot more and sleep alot less, as i was there kwim, but with Ruby, she has a consistent sleep routine when I am not there.

I actually for the most part feel pretty good. I am feeling like I need a holiday at the moment, but i have just finished uni exams, so i feel due! Goodluck with your new job..you guys will be great!:D

Jo

I have a similar situation except I'm not full-time. DH works early morning then looks after DS while I go to work during the day. I work 7 days a fortnight (will be 8 next year) so I get to spend heaps of time with DS as well. It works really well for us as DH loves being SAHD & I also get my days as SAHM and we both get to work & have that baby-free time. I think the time I spend with DS is so much more special now as I have a break from him and come back refreshed. I miss him heaps when I'm at work though. We stopped breastfeeding when I went back to work. It was just too stressful & not good for me or DS. I don't have anywhere private to express at work either.

Wow - so glad to have found this thread! I am going back to work in 6 weeks and DH will be a SAHD for almost 5 months as he has long service leave due. He is a great hands on Dad but I think he will understand the SAH part ALOT better when he does it, I think he thinks I am always socialising LOL (admittedly I do go out a bit with Bailey to swimming, mothers groups etc for my own sanity!!)

I'll be interested to know how everyone gets on!!

It's working out amazingly for us Naomi, a few teething problems (LOL, literally and figuratively!) but all in all it's running really smoothly. Shel is LOVING it, I am enjoying it (as much as you can working and studying while you are a mum!), and Jazz is just blossoming with two happy, relaxed(ish), playful mummies instead of two stressed out, cranky mummies!

We've definately gotten a good feel for each others position before we swapped, Shel realises that it's hard WORK (even though she's way more domestic than I!) and she quickly tells anyone who suggests that she's "on holiday from work" or "not working anymore" exactly what SAHMs do during the day!! :lol: And I have more of an idea about how she used to feel coming home tired, so we make allowances and time for each other to have "alone" time to destress.

Awww Leasha - glad its working!! Thats good to hear!

I told DH that if it all goes to crap in the first few weeks not to worry, he'll work out how to make it work HIS way, I think my biggest mistake will be if I expect him to do it all MY way heheheheehe so will back off and let him find his feet when the time comes...

Leash, I'm really glad it's working for you guys. I'm trying to take comfort from it - but I can't help thinking that it's going to be different for us, leaving a bloke at home and all.

Our change over happens this week. Today is my last day at home with Sam. We're all home together on Tuesday and I go back to work on Wednesday. Sam will do daycare on Fridays as we figure that DH is going to need a job to be able to support us if/when we go for number 2. We're planning to gradually increase Sam's days at daycare as he gets older and DH's days at work as time goes on, or perhaps I'll drop a few days teaching and we'll share everything.

I'll keep everyone posted on how we go.

BW

Good Luck BW - Hope Wednesday goes well :) I have no doubt it will be heartbreaking to leave your LO and return to work for the first time, but I bet you'll do great - Will be thinking of you x