new, lots of questions, advice please?!

hi everyone, i'm new here, and after reading a few of the posts it seems like a really positive and supportive group of people and I hope I can be a part of it :)

i'm 27, gay, single and want to have a baby. Everyone looks at me like I'm crazy if i even mention the idea and the more I try to pursue it, the more discouraged I am getting. So I am being proactive, and trying to find information that can help set me on the right path. Also, I came here to get advice, support and inspiration, and would really like to avoid debates about single motherhood. Please!

So my options as far as i can see are known donation - I have a male friend (best friend really) who may be willing to donate sperm but this brings its own complications and issues. I see some people on here have taken this path successfully - what do you think made it easier?

I am even considering swapping eggs for sperm, but this is also pretty complicated, and am worried the donor would back out once his partner is pregnant. Has anyone heard of people doing this successfully?

If using unknown donor, what is the likelihood of finding a donor through a clinic? Is there competition between straight/gay/single women - do the donors get to choose who they'd like their sperm to go to, etc? I've heard of 3+ years on waiting lists but then other people seem to just have to wait the quarantine period for local or not even that long for overseas donor sperm.

I've also read that correctly followed at-home insemination is pretty much as successful as IUI - is this true?

Are there any other options I might not be aware of? Am i better off looking into the sperm donor registry thing? I am psyching myself up for fertility testing etc to make sure i'll be able to conceive (i have had problems with my fsh levels in the past) and if everything is fine i'd really like to start trying before the end of 2010.

I'd prefer not to spend an obscene amount of money using a clinic as I have worked hard to save a bit of a 'nest egg' for a baby for quite a while, but would rather spend this on supporting bub and I while I am off work with him/her rather than actually conceiving.

Does anyone have any other experiences/ideas or even just some insight into what my options could be?

sugar

Hi Sugarbaby,

I'm sorry I have no info for you, but I did want to come in and wish you the very best of luck with your TTC journey, how ever you choose to take it. Do what you feel is right and push away any negetive people or remarks, you are doing this for the right reasons, just as couples do. You are obviously 100% ready so don't be discouraged, hang in there. You'll find the ladies in here to be a great support and I'm sure you'll get some great advise from them also.

Welcome to BB and take care. I look forward to seeing your pregnancy announcement! :)

Welcome Sugarbaby

Shades, a long term member on here, has just had her little boy as a single, lesbian Mum and he is GORGEOUS! If she has time, hard with a brand new baby I know, she may see this post and reply

All I can say is, do it your way! If this feels like your path, then walk it with pride. I believe that single Mums can be fantastic parents, I hpe that you have lots of family support though, as sometimes you need to be able to hand the baby to someone you trust and just get some sleep, or go for a walk and regain your sanity!

Good luck !!

Hi :)
Welcome to BB!

I don't have time to reply to it all right now (meant to be studying *whistles innocently*) but I'll be back and will try to get hold of Shades to come have a look (she's not online much at the moment, with a newborn and all)! I'll reply to a few things later, hopefully tomorrow night :)

Welcome again!

I am Shades hear me roar :) (I'm feeling quite famous now LOL)

Thanks Leash for pointing me here :)

Sugar, hi :) First of all, you're not crazy and you're certainly not alone. If you Google "solo mums choice" the first link is a dedicated Aus forum with some great info.

I chose to 'spend an obscene amount of money' (around $1000 per attempt) to go with an overseas donor through a clinic (most of that cost was buying the sperm), after trying DIY initially with a friend and finding myself relieved when it didn't work, because of the legal tangles... I like how clear-cut things are with an anonymous donor. I have a friend who used the website donor-registry and it worked well for her but I still prefer the anonymity and legal and health security that I have.
The donors get no choice as to where and to who their donation goes, so no competition issues. Waiting lists apply for various reasons for all except imported donors.

YOU HAVE TO HAVE GOOD SUPPORT NETWORKS IN PLACE... I cannot stress this enough. I live with my mum and her support has kept me (mostly) sane throughout.

More questions? Fire away - I check this forum a bit, just don't post much any more.

Hi all! I am new to this as well and have lots of questions. I have been reading through posts on here and have learned quite a lot already. My partner and I of 13 years are going to give this a go. We have an adopted 3 year old son and now I am going to try to have one through a donor because of all the problems that we ran into when my partner was adopting our son. We live where lesbian/gay cannot adopt. It's a long story. Anyway, I'm not sure where this forum takes place but I have noticed mum instead of mom so I'm guessing not the States. lol! I hope you guys take Americans...we have excellent ice tea. I look forward to learning from you all and Sugarbaby I am happy for you and making this decision. You are not crazy whatsoever. There are so many close-minded people out there who "think" they make up the "traditional" "right" rules to families and because they feel they are the majority that their opinions are most valued and correct. If we were all the same, this world would be a very boring place. You give it color and shape. Never allow another person's opinion or comment alter who you are or make you conform. Good luck Sugarbaby. Thanks BB for giving "us" a place to be.