I really don't want them to spend the holidays in their rooms but...

My two eldest kids are driving me craaaaazy!!! DS and DD1 are nearly 9 and nearly 7 and they are constantly at each others throats. I mean constantly, they argue, they scream, they are mean (Go away you stupid big mean boy etc), the fight over toys, over tv programs, over one kicking or irritating the other. Even over one looking at the other the "wrong" way.

I'm over it. At least now I have peace during the day but in the holidays I don't know what to do :o it's worse when they're bored but I can't fill every moment of the school hols.

Does anyone have any advice on coping stratgies or anything that can help them get along better?

I'm at the point now where it's zero tolerence. As soon as there is shouting or arguing they both go to their rooms, but I feel so mean :(

I hate yelling at them but sometimes they don't even hear me they're so busy yelling at each other!

Any advice (or offers to have my kids for the next 8 weeks) would be very welcome!

When I used to work in a day care centre, my dad suggested that we cover all the walls in velcro and put them in fluffy clothes and stick the kids to it. :lol:

Other than that I'm sorry but I have no advice. Just wanted to offer you some big :hug:'s. It can't be easy, but I'm sure you'll get through it and do the best job you possibly can. :)

I'd keep going with the zero tolerance :wall:. That's what I'm doing and I'm dreading the holidays too....

DS is responding well cos he knows I mean business.

Yep thats what I reckon too! And it;'s easier for me!
Heather - love your Dads suggestion lol!

If I find velcro wall blankets I'll let you know

I havent got any advice sorry - its alot like that in our house too !

Will be watching this to see if anyone has any ideas

Goodluck !
xo

ok set up a roster.
ds gets control over choice of games activity etc from 10-12 say then from 1-3 DD chooses, between 12-1 its what mum says and lunch time so sit down and eat, make it fun lunch even fruit sticks and sandwhiches cut into cool shapes etc. DS loves this he is 9.

time before 10 is individual play so they can read or do whatever, but if arguing occurs they loose their privilage to choose an activity.
after 3 is settle down time, afternoon snack, and outside time. its amazing what you can get them to do and just remind them if they argue they loose the privilage of choosing an activity.

if it makes it easier for you give them a choice of 3 or 4 things you can all do and then let them choose one.

i do this with DS i give him 3 options and he chooses, they could be, go to the pool, go for a ride or play down teh park with the footy etc. his choice then i remind him we all do it as a family but your leading the activity.. he likes the idea of being the leader.

then i say ok DD's choice now she is only 2 but will choose something given the option and i get DS to play with us as a family and he has to follow.

teaches them both respect, leadership adn that it isnt always your way compramise is key in life..


and a good bottle of red at the end of teh night helps as well.

oh adn cooking, DS would cook all day if he got to decorate the cake and eat the icing lol

Kawazuki - thanks heaps those are some great suggestions! I spoke to them today about changing the way they speak to each other. Because a lot of the time they're not even arguing or fighting but it sounds like they are IYKWIM? Instead of just saying "no" quietly they will both blow up straight away and scream "NO" and then the kicking starts...

Agghhhh!

And Lulu - I just googled velcro wall blankets and up came this post lol!

thats it.
i tell DS that all the time, its not WHAT h says but HOW he has said it which is not nice.

I dread weekends enough. 2 week hols are scary, 6 weeks.... terrify me!

:rofl:

Mitch just called 000 cos he was shirty at being sent to his room. He really did - the police just left :rofl:

Gonna be a looong few months till school starts.

:spit: Are you serious??? Bahaha what did they say to him??

I think zero tolerance sounds like a good plan. You probably know that being proactive is always the best thing to do. It is really really hard to do but try to be positive and keep your talk positive all the time ... if you find yourself constantly 'at them' about their fighting, it is just adding one more voice to the conflict IYKWIM. I find that I get into a pattern where once DD1 and DS's behaviour get on top of me, I get snappy and it doesn't help anything.

When I get snappy, I give them quiet play times in their rooms (try to make it sound positive) which is them having some time to themselves. They get to choose a couple of toys from the playroom and have a 20 min playtime by themselves. They need this sometimes too - I think they enjoy not having to fight about toys for a few mins. This gives me a chance to have a coffee and decide to be positive and turn it around when they come out. I decide that I am not going to yell, I am going to talk in a quiet voice, I will pay attention to and compliment good behaviour choices, I will ignore poor behaviour choices and use time out and cool down effectively. I tell my kids that if they are going to fight, that is them telling me that they need to have some cool down time and I will send them to cool down if they can't stop. It sounds much more positive than time out and it is not so much of a punishment as an opportunity to settle down and come back when they can play nicely.

On the issue of boredom - don't feel bad about not organising something for your kids every minute of every day. It is important that they can entertain themselves to some extent. I try to build in a bit of quiet playtime in their own space everyday (DS has become very reliant on DD1 to entertain him resulting in lots of issues) so that they are both having the opportunity to play how they like.

There are some simple ideas for giving them something to do for 8 weeks. Your kids are old enough that you can sit down with them and write a plan for the holidays and give them things to look forward to. You can do theme days like 'Pjama day' or a fairytale character day. Have them think of some things they would like to do and write it down on a chart and put it on the fridge.

I would write more but I have to go for now. I hope some of those suggestions were useful. I only have a 1 and 2 yo and I know how all day bickering can do your head in ... I can't imagine how bad it would be once they are older - argh! Good luck with everything and I hope you can have a really enjoyable 8 weeks at home with your kids.

Yes, I'm serious. I just blogged it!

GOLD!!!!

CQ I would definitely stick with the zero tolerance. Kids need to know that we mean business and aren't going to be cracked. I love kawazuki's suggestion of setting specific times. Going to have to remember that one.
That is hilarious Lulu.