How/when do they learn to self-settle?

I'm not expecting CJ to do it now, I know he's still tiny but I'm expecting to cop flak from my family when I visit in two weeks so I'm hoping to have some info to throw at them...

Currently CJ feeds to sleep and will only stay asleep if he is on me/near the boob etc, if I put him down he wakes after about 10 mins and gets upset... I don't mind this but when I get told that 'he'll never learn to self-settle that way' - what do I respond with? Is it a time thing and he'll learn on his own, or do I just not try to teach him until he's a certain age?

Got to go - the boy is calling!!

TIA

oh hun, the answer really is when he's good and ready. My DD goes through stages, sometimes I can put her down awake and she'll put herself off to sleep, other times, like now, I am feeding and rocking her to sleep, every sleep, all day all night. They are just themselves and need cuddles at different times, just like us big people!

CJ is gorgeous, you'e doing a great job and if you have to feed him to sleep, so be it, he won't be feeding to sleep when he's 5!

You respond with "when i want your input i'll ask for it" and then laugh so they're not sure if you're joking or not.

My DD *could* (i.e. often did) self-settle at 4 or 5 months, but she still NOW (at 3.75) needs extra cuddles and loves to settle at bedtime sometimes, so thereis no hard-and-fast age/rule.

Okay so they just sort of learn naturally as they get older?? You don't have to ever 'teach' them to self-settle?
I'm fine either way - I love my cuddles :D

Yeah, with DD i would cuddle/BF her to sleep and then as she got bigger occasionally (especialy nap time) i would stick her in the cot and only pick her up IF she cried, and lo and behold, 90% of the time she just went off to sleep. It is so individual - some kids need help to settle/feel secure for a few years, and others never really need it at all. I'm pretty convinced they are born laid-back about that sort of thing or not, it's just personality.

Besides he will be so tiny and gorgeous and cuddly for such a short time, have at it while you can :)

Bx

Hi,

Christmas time is fraught with family get togethers - and this sort of question seems to come to the fore - very unnerving for a new mother.
One day your baby will walk. But, obviously, you don't need to do it now! When they are ready - they will walk. It is a developmental stage. The same with sleep - when they are ready, they will sleep alone. They won't be in your arms or your bed forever. You don't have to "teach them" anything.
Human babies are designed to sleep with an adult - it is a safety and survival mechanism. It is just our culture (and a very few others) who seem to put such an unnaturally high price on solitary infant sleep.
Bsically, babies go through sleep cycles of about 20-40mins. After this they will come into a period of lighter sleep (we do the same in some-what longer cycles throughout the night - we may come into a lighter phase of sleep and even momentarily wake up - but we just go back to sleep.
With your baby, when he does this he tends to wake and may need you to help put him back to sleep. As he grows, he will be increasingly able to put himself back to sleep.

Great Barb thanks :) Thanks everyone else too!

DD always fed to sleep or was rocked to sleep for the first year or so, and I also had the know-it-alls telling me I was making a rod for my back blah blah blah! I decided to just do what I felt was right and IF it became a problem down the track i'd deal with it.

Now at 18 months, DD doesn't want me to rock her, i put her into her cot, she say bye-bye and reads her books until she falls asleep. They DO learn on their own, no special techniques required, just in their own good time like everything! Enjoy your cuddles while he's little and snuggly, mmmm baby smell :D

Jazz has just started, and we did the same as you :) She often sleeps through now, for the last few months, but has only just started to calmly self-settle if she did wake at night.

just thought id throw my 2 cents worth in....When i bought DD home from hospital my mum came to stay for two weeks (from the uk) i had DD in bed with me cause thats just what felt natural to me, but my mum kindly informed me that i wasnt ment to do this and that she needed to be in her bassinet by the bed so that i could easily move her into her own room when she was 3 months old :rolleyes:
She still sleeps in our bed, i love it and wouldnt have it any other way!! My mum still thinks she should be in her own room 12 hours a night sleeping on her own with out any help. But im not one for CC or CIO . I feed her to sleep, when DD was new she slept in her sling four hours a day or on my lap. I think its deffinatley a developmental thing, as now when she wakes in the night we can sometimes just have a cudle and off she goes back to sleep.
I think the best thing to do when your out with family and they make comments is just smile, say ''this is what works for us at the moment and i love it'' . Good luck and be proud of what a great job your doing and the effort your putting in!! :)

Will he learn to use the toilet if you keep him in nappies now? Seriously, we don't expect our little ones to be doing MANY things at such a young age and they all seem to manage when they're developmentally ready. Settling is no different. He'll do it when he's big enough and feels secure enough to be on his own (which is helped by responding to his needs now). Just a few weeks ago he was held and fed 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Now he's getting it a whole lot less than he was and he'll get less and less as he grows.