Tanties in public

DS has not really had many tanties yet, but yesterday he chucked his first big wobbly while we were out.

We were in a queue in the ISIS waiting room and he wanted to get down and go look at the sliding doors (as you do). When I wouldn't let him (so he didn't go outside), it didn't go down very well at all. Much screaming and flailing ensued, much wiggling out of my arms and much me looking like a fool chasing and tackling him. The whole waiting room was watching.

:o

So I just kept picking him up and trying to hold him and ignore the screaming while getting on with checking us in. At least we got served quickly. When he calmed down enough I distracted him and then we got out of the queue and he was fine. Meanwhile I was having a post-adrenaline meltdown.

Did I do the right thing? Is there something else you are supposed to do about public tanties? I was surprised by how stressful it was! What are your public tantie experiences?

DD throws tanties all the time in public. Usually on a weekend when DP is working shifts and I'm witnessed by families enjoying (or at least having) their family time which does not help my mood one bit ;)

She's thrown tanties about leaving the playground, tanties about getting off the tram (she loves a tram ride), tanties about leaving the swimming pool .. you name it. Usually consists of her lying down on the floor/on the footpath kicking and screaming for ten minutes.

For prevention, I've learnt to give her lots and lots of warning about what we're doing next ie. that we're leaving the playground soon, soon, soon, we're leaving after three more swings etc. etc.

If despite all that, she chucks a wobbly, there's not a lot I can do except a) try distraction, "ooooooh look DD here comes a dog" or b) just calmly wait until it's all over and ignore the dirty looks from passers-by.

I am dreading the day we have our first public tanty..I'm bad enough when she starts crying in the pram when we are taking the dog for a walk and she is trying to go to sleep!

I think fionas ideas are spot on..either distraction, or try and ignore and continue as usual. At least it gets you through the queues faster! Lol. Maybe have a choccie stash in your bag for afterwards (for you!) ;)

Plenty of warnings yup!!! Oskar carries on but I let him go off a bit then when he's not quite so loud I quietly explain we're leaving or whatever it is. I actually laughed one time cos it was just so comical and you'll find that people really aren't looking at you anyway, most parents have been through it at one time or another and will usually grin from the memory and probably thinking thank goodness I don't have to deal with that anymore lol.

I think it's best not to feel self conscious about it, it's not your fault and it's normal. Try to distract them and giggle to yourself ;) Actually I sometimes tell Oskar if he's good (say like you had to wait in a queue like you did today) then he can look at some toys, or buy a new matchbox car (only $2) or have a ride. So he gets something for me getting something if that makes sense. Works quite well for us.

we do the pre-warning thing too. As much as I can. DD is now good at counting down. In fact, if I don't say "three more swings then we have to go" and jump straight to "time to go" I am greeted by "nnnnoooooooooo Mum. Just 3 more swings" :rolleyes: She's too smart for her own good!

I also use "rules". Before we go somewehre we discuss the rules; no running away, no tantrums etc. If she has a melt down, I say "remember the rules? what are they". She recites them, I ask if she is doing XYZ which she usually admits to, says sorry and we all carry on.

I've had looks and comments as DD tantrums. The latest was in Aldi at Eltham - some old guy actually FOLLOWED us around the store watching in amazement as I held my squirming child looking for what I needed. DD got rid of him by screaming "MUMMY! WHY THAT MAN FOLLOWING US?!"
to which said "I don't know honey, maybe you're making too much noise?"
her response? "He's scaring me"
My response? "What do we do if we're scared by someone following us DD?"
"We tell the powice Mummy. Or scream really loudly"
I smuggly turned, looked at him and said "Thank you for helping me educate my daughter about Stranger Danger" and continued on my way. He stopped following us.

Just ignore people around you. Your DS's safety is the most important thing. I'd say everyone with kids has been there before - it's just some of us chose to block it from our memories ;)

mother goose that was so cute of your DD and very well educated on stranger danger!!

I agree with pre warnings and you did the right thing by not letting him go after 5 mins of carrying on persistance is the key yes people will look, stare or even comment or try to butt in but you dont want to have tantrums everywhere you go when DS wants something once he realises oh mummy doesnt actually give in when i carry on like this they phase out of it a lot quicker than if you do give in to them

Well done :clap: It is so very hard to deal with your first one & I think you did an awesome job :D

It's not nice & as you said, very stressful, to suddenly be the centre of attention because of your child losing it, but you need to be firm & not give in just because of a few nasty looks. 15 stares of disbelief are wiped away with one kind (usually whispered) comment from another mum telling me I've done a good job.

Stand your ground. EVERY TIME. If they get away with throwing a tantrum once they will continue because they know eventually mummy will give in.

Explain, explain, explain. I find explaining things really really helpful. Tell him why something is so. He might not be listening & he might not understand, but it keeps you calm & if others hear they can understand what's going on too & maybe back off a bit. "I'm sorry DS, but you can't go & play with the door, you might get hurt or get lost outside & mummy won't be able to find you. I know you're upset but we just have to wait a minute longer & then we can go look at the big doors together." It also helps for next time you're in the situation & you can get in first "Remember when we were here before? We have to wait in the line don't we? Then we can go & look at the big doors together."

Sometimes it will work, other times it won't but if you are consisitent with how you treat tantrums it is much better for you & him as you both learn how to deal with them together :hug:

Oh MG that is a classic!! As with tanties my DD is also a classic for doing it in shopping centres and anywhere public. She ususally does it when I'm carrying DS because she knows that I am limited in what I can do (she's also too clever for her own good). I do the pre-warning, count down, standing my ground and I always make sure I have some food in my bag to distract her with. Food seems to work a lot of the time.
Good luck!!

My DS did his first in a shopping centre outside Coles. I took his photo with my phone (which slowed him down slightly) then crouched down on the floor to show him the photo and say how silly he looked. He stopped because he wanted to look at the photo of himself...

:clap: ahhhh love it MG!!

Spooky, that's a cool idea!! I've used that to help Oskar with his floating on his back at swimming cos he hated it so I took a pic to show him what a great job he did and it's working..... will keep in mind using it for other things like that!

I havent personally gone through the tanty stage with children but a close friend of ours when out with his daughter would go through tanties all the time, no amount of rule making or distraction would work. The "key", embarresment for the child. He literally got on the shopping centre floor with her and started kicking and screaming like her and she stopped immediately. She also never dared do it ever again because she knew what would happen.

You would have to be pretty easy going to get down on a public floor and kick and scream though lol. Hope this helps.

Thanks for all your replies! I knew there would be some ripper tanty stories out there!

Unfortunately, DS is a bit young for the rules/explaination thing. I do still try to explain, because who knows what he actually understands, and like Sarah H said, it keeps me sane!

In a strange way, I am a little bit relieved. He's generally so easy going and gets over things so quickly, and I was worried he might never really chuck a good tanty, and I don't think that would actually be good for him. I know tanties are awfully painful for us as parents, but isn't it all about them discovering their own wills and selves? I'm glad he's entering on that journey for himself (keep repeating this to myself....keep repeating....)