10 years ago my little man was growing

J and me were eagerly waiting to move into our first house together...and also celebrating being 4 months pg with out first baby.

tonight he tell's me that he's going to be double didgit's and how scared he is of growing up. He is such a gentle kind kid. He melts my heart big time with some of the things that come out of his mouth.

I feel that in the past due to stress and my stupid temper I have been terrible to him. He has been the brunt of so much sadness, anger and crap. Yet he stood and took it without ever complaining or making it worse.

Ive often felt to arm's wrap around me when Ive gone for my own when Wilhelm has had one of his episodes, and cried with me ive needed it the most.

I owe him so much.

We've spoken quiet a bit lately, about how angry I was years ago and how that it was no excuse to take it out on him. He know's Ive gotten help, cleared my mind of the negetive and only look for the positive now. Nightly chat's have become our thing when we can reflect of things that annoy us together.

I know it doesnt make up for the past years of sadness but im trying to make the future ones more uplifting and special for us. I really want to have a special relationship with him, not just be his mum but his friend aswell.

Here's a pic I have to share with you all of him
Maryan 'maz' Bourke's Photos | Facebook
I could just cry when I look at it....I still see the little boy who use to hide behind the curtains to say BOO when i walked past in it.
I love you doodle...to the moon and back.

:hug: Maz. He is a very handsome boy. They grow up to quickly don't they?

Don't be too hard on yourself, parenting is hard work! It sounds to me as though you ahve done (and still doing) an AWESOME job.

He has amazing eyes. And sounds like such a special soul. :hug:

He looks so wise and kind - you have done a great job Maz!

He is such a handsome boy maz!
Its so beautiful to hear of such a gentle soul and one that you have created, Your doing a fantastic job :hug:

Mazzie, you can't change the past but you are doing an amazing thing by talking to him about it all. He is a really special little kid and he was born to you for a reason too xoxoxo

I've started doing the same with my kids - awhile ago I was just a mess, sad and angry alot so don't feel you are alone.

Maz, what a beautiful post and what a lucky little man he is to have a Mum like you. Don't put the mummy guilts on yourself, you got help and now you are building such a wonderful positive relationship with your little man which will help him so much going forward. Keep on sharing and enjoying your closeness with him as he goes through the next stage in his life.

Laurin xxx

Maz - he is gorgeous - just like you xxx

maz, he is the most beautiful looking boy. Dont beat yourself up about it too much hun. I know for the last couple of years os DS' life I have given him hell at times, and I will never stop feling guilt for that, and I have spoken to him about me being nasty and apologised, thats all we can do. It sounds like N is growing up to be a lovely person

Maz, you have a beautiful son and you are a beautiful Mum. You've done a wonderful job xox

Maz what a beautiful relationship you have with him.
This brought a tear to my eye.... and what a lovely pic of him too
:hug:

Maz...I don't know you very well but you and many other BB girls truely inspire me. Being a mum is very hard work...and I probably still have no real idea of how hard it is going to get. Don't be too hard on yourself. You are an inspiration!!!!!

P.s. Christmas cards look fantastic......another reason you are great...and an inspiration....your own business...WOW...I can only dream!!!

Maz he reminds me of DD1 in personality,when she was a little kid she was almost like my caregiver IYKWIM? SHe held me when i cried when my XH walked out, she comforted me when i should have been there for her. She was 2 1/2 but she always worried about me. Sometimes I feel like I really screwed up her life but do you know what? She is 18 now and whilst she does have her moments she is a wonderful person who I am so proud of, she has survived a lot and is going to be an aweosme nurse in a few years because she has compassion and love and she has learnt so much about life and i know your little man will be just as awesome when he is an adult.