Second thoughts about going back to work

I am a secondary teacher. I am having second thoughts about going back to work. I took maternity leave and have been on leave for 1 year now. I informed the school that I'll be back next term but as the days get closer I'm just getting all these feelings of anxiety. I'm just picturing how crazy busy I will be everyday and there is no one proper to look after my son who is 9 months now. My sisters was the option but I don't think they can look after him 8-5pm that well. My parents work and there is no one else. I refuse to send him to child care, not an option in my books.

Even after evaluating my financial situation, we can live well even without me working but it may be tough later on when our savings run out. It feels Like all that effort of spending time at work is not worth it. And at my work, its REALLY demanding. Its a private school and we have to stay till 4.30 and they really work us hard. Especially being a teacher,we have to take work home like marking etc

I also feel extremely guilty of not being able to care for my son while im working. After he was born, i have completely changed my outlook on life and what my priorities are. I was very much career driven before i had him, my work was my life, it was difficult but i enjoyed it. After working in the same school for 4 yrs i really thought i made good friends but i was surprised when only 2 workmates visited me to see my new baby. No phone calls nothing. I really feel disillusioned now and realised that work is just work, just to make money and nothing more.

I honestly really enjoyed my 1 year not working. I felt really free to do whatever i wanted. When i was working it was like i was a robot, go to work, come home tired, do the chores, sleep.

I would appreciate some advice. I really don't know what to do. I think my options are:
1. go back for 1 term and see how things go and apply for leave after that or
2. apply for a further 6 months leave, if they say no just resign

Even if i dont work there i can do tutoring or work casually to get some income

advice would be appreciated

It looks like it's sorting itself out anyway doesn't it :lol:

Would your feelings change if you had a care option of ds?

This is a hard one. Having gone back to work when DS1 was about the same age (and again with DS2), I can say that the thought of going back is actually worse than the doing. But I can also say that you are spot on when you say that you will be very busy trying to combine work with parenting. It is hard work and it can take a while to settle into a routine that works for you all. If you are not comfortable with your child care options that it is also going to be an extra source of stress.

So I think you are pretty spot on with your options. Trying it to see how you go is a great way to see if it is right for you or not. Without actually giving it a go it is hard to know. But I also think giving yourself more time isn't a bad idea either. The only downside I see to that though is that sometimes it is easier for kids to adjust to your return to work when they are younger.

I think whichever one of those options you take is a good idea and I wish you all the very best with it.

i think you should ask for another year's leave. teaching is a very hard, demanding job to do at the best of times-let alone when you are missing your ds and don't have appropriate care for him.
make the most of this time when your ds is little- soon enough he'll be at school himself.

Can you go back on a part-time or casual basis?

Sounds like you really don't want to go back & there really is no reason to....

It's hard isn't it? I have no real words of wisdom and can only offer from my own experience.

With DD I went back to work around that age. It wasn't by choice, it was because I had to. I stressed about her the whole time, and while it wasn't fantastic we got used to it.
When we moved I had to send her to daycare. I was always one who swore I would never use CC, but again I had to. My DH had been deployed to another state and I was to be working in a new town some 600km away from anyone we knew.
DD loved CC from the start and it turned out to be the best decision I made. I went to work happy in the knowledge she was being cared for well and she had a great time to boot.

This time with DS I have been off again and was recently due to go back to work. I arranged an appointment with my boss and wanted to take my extra leave. He said no. Like you, my job is one of high demand. I have skills for multiple roles and they are utilised to the max as we are short staffed+++. My job is one when I never really know what time I will get home despite being on a 12hour rostered day.
Like you I had the available resources to be able to take longer off. I had the support of my DH who really understood my position and where my priorities had changed.
So I resigned.
I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

Somewhere in your heart, you'll find the right thing for your family.
I usually find that my first instinct is the right decision.
Good luck.