Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourself

I just read this quote and it really struck me...I think that although I try to take responsibility for the things I do, I often push people out of my life because they don't do things the way I like or how I would do them.

For example, one of the things I didn't like about XDP is that he would hardly ever text straight back, sometimes he would wait an hour or two...and it really bugged me.

But looking at this quote makes me realise that my issue is that I am quite insecure - and I was insecure about the relationship so I felt like I NEEDED him to text back straight away to show me that he cared.

So I think what I really need/ed to do was improve my self confidence by myself, find the self worth from inside me, not relying on getting it from somebody else.

This is one of the lessons I think my relationship with him has taught me and I think we can use it all over our lives.

Just wanted to share!

Totally true!

And sometimes the things we hate most in others are traits we have in ourselves... I HATE the way DS1 gets sulky. But I am known to do that myself... at least I used to. Bugs the hell out of me now ;)

very true, I agree with both these points. Especially the things that bug you most about others are things that deep down I think I also see in myself which is why it bugs me so much. For example, when I perceive others to be lazy, i get annoyed about it, mostly because I think I have that tendency in myself. I remember a line from a song "i know the man you hate, you look more like him every day" It strikes s chord with me because I think we should always look to our inner selves to try and get some perspective on things that push our buttons. Hmm very thought provoking . . .

Friggen awesome thread!!!!

I find that if someone grates me I try harder to get to know them. I try to look past the issues I have with what they have said or done and see if there is more to them then my dislike.

In saying that....I can only try for so long and then its bye bye. Life is to short to have high maintenance friendships, its all a 2 way street remember ;)

Yep, and I know I feel so embarrassed when I tell the kids not to speak to each other like that...when in the morning i'm yelling at them to get into the car that's exactly what I sound like :(

There's also a line of thinking that if somebody does something that you perceive as bad to you, you end up replicating that in your own life to somebody else - maybe not the exact act but maybe by simply making someone else feel the way you did - it's interesting.

I think the best way arouns this is to look at what annoys you - think about why it annoys you and what is lacking in YOU . It's not to say you then excuse the behaviour but you understand how it help you grow and then decide whether or not you want to keep that person in your life. But I think it's the accepting that it's your issue and not theirs is where you grow the most as a person.

Whoa that is deep lol!

I've got a journal where I put all the things that irritate me (about others & myself) down, because I know these are aspects of myself. So if at all possible, I will be working on these "irritations".

As Maz says - you can only try for so long before walking away is the best option. I've actually done that today, said goodbye to a good friend in my life because we are on different pages and this person, much as I care for them, isn't what I need in my life.

I cant use a journal anymore....i was so into them when I was younger but twice it was used against me by those I thought loved me so I gave up. I elt the anger build up and turned to a different source, outlet. BUT thats another thread ;)

I had a friendship for 16 years with a friend...I stuck by her when I didnt agree with her life style choices but thought, its not my life, I can only support her in what she does....but then she dumped me on my butt earlier this year for a friend from our 'youth' who was extremely mean and hurtful to us both. I didnt understand it but she lied and didnt tell me she was friends with her. She told me I was a wonderful friend but a horrible person when things didnt go my way :o. It really hurt me deep as I bought food to her when she had none, supporter her when all her others friends turned their backs. There is so much more but I learnt to move on.

I think people come into your life for a reason and you have to cherish the time and the link you have with them when it is there. Remembering the bad is just decaying to the soul :(

You are so right CQ when you say you learn from those though who have different life choices to you. It makes you open your eyes and gets you out of the bubble of sercurity that surrounds us

I definitely think you have to let go of certain people but I don't think you should let go of them before you realise what they have given you - even if they used and abused you from day dot I'll bet they have improved your life in some way or another - even if it's just in making you a stronger person, made you that little bit more angry to fight harder for somebody else...

I think that you end up drawing people in who you need to teach you a lesson so the sooner you can learn that lesson the less time they have to be in your life...but they do need to be there. I think being able to realise this and be able to thank that person (even if they've hurt you really badly) would be an amazing thing to do. I'm not saying i'm there, I wish I was, but i'd like to think i'm on the right path to getting there!

The friend I said goodbye to, I did actually thank them for what they taught me while we were friends.

Heck sometime in the future, I could probably even thank my xh for the lessons I have learnt as a result of him being in my life. Not saying I could do it now, not even in the next year or so, but maybe if we ever cross paths again sometime in the next few decades, I could possibly thank him (ok I'd never thank him for being emotionally abusive).

You know hun I think at some point if you try you could thank him for that...it's a very harsh way to learn a lesson that you've learnt haven't you? You've learnt now what you will NEVER put up with again...he has made your life better because now you have a better future...does that make sense?

I'm not saying you can excuse it but you hopefully will one day be able to see how he has impeoved your life - no, not how he has improved it, but how he has made YOU improve your life x

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You know hun I think at some point if you try you could thank him for that...it's a very harsh way to learn a lesson that you've learnt haven't you? You've learnt now what you will NEVER put up with again...he has made your life better because now you have a better future...does that make sense?

I'm not saying you can excuse it but you hopefully will one day be able to see how he has improved your life - no, not how he has improved it, but how he has made YOU improve your life x

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Babe - yeh I can see it. He sure as heck didn't improve my life & I'll be paying for his input into my life for many years to come. But I did learn a lot about myself. I have set myself a benchmark for future relationships.

I have improved my life dramatically since we split. I am a different person to the person I was, heck I'm way different to the person I was when we split, or even the person I was the last time I spoke to him face-to-face.

Each day, I make the effort to work on myself.

I just found this amazing thread! Love it CQ :thumbsup: Can't reply AM (waiting for someone to call back) but looking forward to!

I'd forgotten about this thread! Well today I was very "wise"! Dr Demartini says "Wisdom is the instantaneous recognition that crisis is a blessing" well today I went to pick up the dog from the pound only to be told he's already been re-homed :( then had the car serviced which turned out to be $750 - almost all the money I have...so I had to cancel dinner this weekend for my 30th birthday :( BUT...my three beautiful children (though upset about the dog) are healthy and happy and all my bills are paid and there is food in the fridge/cupboard...so it doesn't matter! And I know that something good will come out of all of this, or a will learn a valuble lesson (maybe that it doesn't matter how I celebrate my birthday as long as i'm with the ones I love).

Oh almost forgot - the kids have nits so since midday I have been picking the eggs out of their heads...but I guess that just means i'm spending "quality" time with them loL!

Ahhhh dear....!!!

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I'd forgotten about this thread! Well today I was very "wise"! Dr Demartini says "Wisdom is the instantaneous recognition that crisis is a blessing" well today I went to pick up the dog from the pound only to be told he's already been re-homed :( then had the car serviced which turned out to be $750 - almost all the money I have...so I had to cancel dinner this weekend for my 30th birthday :( BUT...my three beautiful children (though upset about the dog) are healthy and happy and all my bills are paid and there is food in the fridge/cupboard...so it doesn't matter! And I know that something good will come out of all of this, or a will learn a valuble lesson (maybe that it doesn't matter how I celebrate my birthday as long as i'm with the ones I love).

Oh almost forgot - the kids have nits so since midday I have been picking the eggs out of their heads...but I guess that just means i'm spending "quality" time with them loL!

Ahhhh dear....!!!

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:hug: Sorry things are crappy at the mo. But great that you're looking on the bright side!