23m old screaming when being put to bed

Hi everyone,

Just wondering if anyone else has experienced this:
Since a few weeks ds screams his head of whenever I put him in his cot. He demands cuddles from mum and just won't/can't settle. It takes us 2 hours to get him to sleep (he will fall asleep when I hold him, but immediately starts screaming and kicking if I wanna lay him down)
Even during the day he demands cuddles from mum like every other 15 min!
Is this a phase?
Everyone around me says I should just let him cry as other wise I would spoil him.
They obviously don't gentle parent. My gut feeling is he is giving me a sign that he is just not coping on his own at the moment and I should follow his lead.
What do you think? Is it just a tantrum or is there more to it?

Thanks so much, I really believe in gentle parenting but seems to be the only one around here (family/ppl around me)

Gosh I tried to reply to you ages ago but have had huge problems with logging in. I'm sorry you haven't had support on here!

I have a 2 yo too (2 yrs this weekend)...we haven't had full on screaming, no, but he certainly has been unsettled lately. Bedtimes have been hard because it can take so damn long one day -and be fine the next. He's up and down so much. One day he's happy as, and the next day he's an emotional wreck...

I figure it must just be an "ages and stages" thing. Plus I'm heavily pregnant and I doubt that would help him.

But I think your instincts are right that he might be struggling to cope with something at the moment. How are things going now?

I think phases don't last lnoger than a month or so usually..."THIS TOO SHALL PASS" is usually my mantra even though some of them drive me up the wall! I hope things are settling down. I'd go with what your instinct is - you know him best - and if he just needs extra time with you or extra help at bedtime, then know that its a small thing in the span of his life but will contribute so positively to his sense of safety and trust.

GL!

Hi Believer,

I too don't like my little one crying, its just distressing for everyone.

I have found lately that he has become more distressed at sleep times, and is crying. But, if someone sits with him whilst he goes to sleep (either DH or I) there is absolutely no crying, and he goes off to sleep so much faster. We don't pat him or interfere with the sleep/settling process, we just sit close by (where he can see us), and either read a book or something similar - but we don't make eye contact with him.

Hope its getting better already anyway,

BK

I am sorry I didn't see this earlier. I hope things have improved :hug:

I have to say that I agree with your instincts. At that age it is common for them to go through some separation anxiety, and I believe that comforting them and making them feel secure is the best way to help them through it and become independent. It sounds to me like you are doing a fantastic job of parenting your DS and knowing when to ignore bad advice.

As your DS is getting a bit bigger now, one other thing you could possibly try is moving him into a bed. Sometimes a change like that can help them feel more grown up and help them past the difficult time.

Best of luck hun.

HI Girls,

Thanks for your replies! It has improved, slightly. We moved him into a junior bed, smallest size and he is quite happy with that. I still need to stay with him, preferably holding him untill he falls asleep, which can last up to 2 hours! But at least it keeps him from screaming and it makes going to bed less stressfull.
Then sometime during the night he wakes and crawls in to bed with us. He has had trouble falling back to sleep and even was quite distressed for an hour last week.

Thanks for "backing me up" I really needed that. Like I said earlier, I am definately the only one going for gentle parenting. Pils and dh reckon I am spoiling him. But I am sure gentle parenting is the way to go with this little man!

Hi again Believer

Glad to hear that things are improving slightly.....btw, I love your little man's name!

Children are different in their approach/ability to sleep. We have 4 darling children, and each is different. DD7 was a very difficult sleeper, and co-slept until 12 months - never sleeping though the night. She is now 7 (nearly 8), and still doesn't sleep very well......last night she (at some point), took her pillow and sheet and bed down on the floor in her brothers' room. She goes through stages of slipping into our bed during the night - so much so that we don't notice her come in anymore - just wake up at some point in the night to find her there. In saying all of that, our boys are outstanding sleepers - DS 5 could even tolerate being changed (nappy), and a complete dress whilst asleep.

I don't see letting them cry as fruitful - as it just manages to make me just as distressed as they are. But, I do insist on bedtimes and don't let them just run amok. My Grandmother thinks I am cruel, as I set bedtime at 6.30, and DS 11 has 30-60 min more time.

You love your little man, so don't feel bad that others think you are spoiling him.....the world would be a better place if there were more Mums around like you.

Oh my, I'm so sorry, I didn't see your post earlier.
Yes, I do believe that this might be just a phase. My DD is no 2 1/2 and consistently able to self-settle. Has been doing so for close to a year. BUT, we have had a few periods of regression. I have always just rolled with it. Sometimes we lay down with her until she was asleep.
You could consider moving him into a single bed with guard rail, so you can lie down with him. Once he feels safe in his new bed you can start leaving before he is fully asleep. Whenever DD asked for me to stay, i would promise her that I'd be jsut outside and that I will be back in a minute (after having a drink for example). I think me coming and going re-assured her that I'm still around, evben if she can't see me.
it is a slow process. But I think it is worth it.
Good luck!

Thanks Butterfly kisses for your support!

Thankfully he is now more calm when going to bed, so I will start trying to leave and come back later. I have used that method before but he just panicked.
He screams as soon as I start leaving at the moment, but it might work in a little while.
Guess he will have to start learning again that i will not leave him.

Thanks again everyone for the "gentle parenting" support (or should I just say BB-support lol)