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Hi Everyone,
Do these behavior charts work? I am concerned about promoting a expectation that she'll need to be rewarded for what I think are simple everyday tasks or manners.
On the flip side her little attitude is becoming very obstinent (sp?)and she is pushing the boundaries constantly. I've also noticed that she is not sharing well with others .
Any advice is welcome
Behaviour charts worked wonders for us because combined with the reward we also took away if she didnt follow the rules.
I think every child is different to whether they respond to a chart so if you decide to do it best of luck to you and the reward doesnt have to be a toy or something to "spoil" them I was worried about that when I started charting then a friend suggested to keep it simple reward with picnics in the park, day trips to the zoo, some inexpensive, fun family outing of some sort instead of lollies and toys and we enjoyed it just as much as she did
I feel the same way Bek - and after reading a few articles about how the charts ARE (or seem to be) promoting rewards for everyday behaviour I stopped it and stick to cuddles and praise. I also mention the good behaviour at bedtime when we are doing our wind down chat.
Having said that, with a Sensory boy, I have got a chart on his bedroom door with all the things he has to do in the mornings - make bed, brekky, brush teeth etc so he can tick it off, but there isn't any rewards it just helps him keep track of his responsibilities.
Reward charts also can breed 'dependent' behaviour in children. They don't look to themselves for feeling happy/proud/accomplished (or opposite) but look for validation in others. It can work, absolutely, but it can also shape a child's future behaviours.
Kelly - My DD is very outgoing "look at me" kinda kid and I am afraid that she will seek approval from others instead of being happy with her own choices etc.
Lulu - I like the idea of a routine chart.
MrsS - Thanks for your sharing your experience. I wouldn't want to promote an expectation of giving prizes for good behaviour. My SIL has done this and her 7yo will not do a thing without a trade off. I like the idea of rewarding your child with time and attention.
For me it is so hard to find the right way to motivate my daughter. Things I need help with are getting her to pick up after herself, stop grabbing stuff out of her sisters hands, explaining her feelings instead of sitting in the corner weeping (she does this whenever things are not going her way) or she'll make up that she is hurt.
Have you read the PET articles in this section? The course is brilliant.
No I haven't read them but I have seen them. I will give them a read. I would like some guidance..ta xx
In regards to seeking approval from others (ds is sorta similar but it causes him great anxiety if he thinks he will get something wrong) I create situations in which it is up to them to choose something or make a decision....or with the chart - "what do we do when we have brushed teeth?" etc
I hope to create a sense of self-reliance - it's ok to get something "wrong" - like wearing gumboots on a hot day so they can see the consequences of something small and therefore be able to make a decision for themselves the next time, without looking to me.
Giving them the confidence to think for themselves - yay! It's terrific when you can see them thinking I did that, all by myself.
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Very true. I love it when DD says look mum "I did it all by myself"
I don't love it when she is asked to put her pjs under her pillow and she says "no, you do it"
OK, well our "chart" of expected daily activities and chores is tied into the things that the kids expect daily themselves. Our biggest bargaining chip in a long time has been the Wii.
Our kids are "earning" house money when they do a chore, or something that they should be doing but don't like to. They have a set payday, and they are paid the house money they earnt that week. They can then trade that in for time on the wii or PS2, or they can trade $5 house money for $1.
Its a negotiation, a skill and a working model for us. I don't have to buy them anything new or spoil them, its just withholding that which they expect from us until they have shown that they can do that which is expected from them. The older two even need to earn credit on their phones, so that keeps them motivated.
However if they need to be reminded to do it, they don't get credited for it. There is no list of chores on the wall - they have to remember it because it is what they have to remember to do anyway. The only chart on the wall here is the Wii time booking chart so there is no fights over "MY TURN" which I recommend for EVERYONE for anything that needs to be shared whether they are earning time or not. Its a sanity saver.