furious - am I overreacting?

By some crazy miracle i got my period a week early - on the 31st December... I was straight on the phone to the FS and was able to start my Gonal-F injections that night and come under 2009 Medicare safety-net rules.

I was so, so happy and excited - normally I am like clockwork and there was not a hope in hell of us being able to start a cycle in 2009...

Anyway... everything was going smoothly and happily... feeling all loved-up and excited... UNTIL

My husband told me that he told his mother.

HE TOLD HIS MUM.

I know I should be happy that he was so excited he needed to tell his mum...

But I am totally, totally, totally p****d off.

I feel so.... 'robbed'... because of his poor morphology... I will never experience the 'surprise' and the thrill of falling pregnant... I will never miss my period, buy a test and run out of the toilet waving around my BFP...

That will never happen. And I have somehow grown to accept that.

What I can't however, accept - is that now... I will also not get the chance of having my IVF be private... never have the chance of surprising our family with the BFP... and god forbid it doesn't work... we'll now have to have that conversation aswell.

I am hysterical right now... am I overreacting?

L x

:wall:

awww hun, big :hug:. I won't try and justify whether you DH was right or wrong but I guess it probably is a decision that you needed to discuss before he told anyone.

I hated having family circling like voltures (sp?) waiting for that discussion that IVF had yet again not worked. I also worried about the day if I ever did have a successful cycle that they would know from day 1 and DH and I would never get to share that.

I am very sorry that you are feeling this way and I hope you can get DH to see why you didnt want others to know. Good luck with your cycle hun :goodluck:. Hope your 'crazy miracle' is the start of getting your little treasure x

Lily Dust

:hug: Is there any chance your DH can ask your MIL to keep it to herself? And/or ask her not to mention it unless you bring it up first? It sucks that now it won't be your private thing but I guess if you can regain some control over things that would be cool.

:yeahthat: good logical advice Nelle :)

i agree with Nelle on the advice side

i did just want to say - maybe, given it's male factor issues, you DH may feel he needs another outlet to discuss the IVF. being the person in the relationship with the problem that leads to needing assisted conception can be really hard - even with the most understanding partner, it can still feel like you're at "fault" and you need to have an outlet that isn't yout partner. it may be that he is close enough to his mum that she is the outlet that he needs. yes, it's hard that things won't be a surprise, but going through this journey, you need your support networks and if your DH needs that support from his mum...

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:hug: Is there any chance your DH can ask your MIL to keep it to herself? And/or ask her not to mention it unless you bring it up first? It sucks that now it won't be your private thing but I guess if you can regain some control over things that would be cool.

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:yeahthat: and stress to her that you will be under a huge amount of pressure and you would really appreciate her not bringing it up AT ALL, but promise her that if or when you get a positive she will be the first to know.

I went thru the exact same thing hun :hug: it's not easy. When we discussed it DH basically said it's his perogative to tell whoever he pleases, and he told EVERYONE! It was a horrible time, the people I thought would be there for me didn't want to know about it, and the ones I thought wouldn't care were in my face all the time. The worst was DH's adult son & his girlfriend, who were LTTTC themselves, and she turned it into a huge competition and was texting and IM-ing me every day with "Are you pregnant yet?". All I wanted was to be left alone. When I miscarried it was almost like she was happy about it, and then when I successfully fall pg before her it all just got nasty and still is not good today.

You definitely need to nip this in the bud hun. Good luck with your cycle, sending you lots of :bluedust: :pink-babydust:

This should have been something you discussed together before telling anyone. I hope you can sit down now and come to some understanding of why he did it, and what will be the 'rules' from here.

As for surprises, I can really relate. We chose to tell my parents after my first cycle as there was so much I wanted to discuss with my Mum (the female side of things and this was before I found BB). I did grow to regret that for the reason you say - falling pregnant should have been between DH and I, and then I get to surprise the grandparents-to-be with our news. I really missed that aspect, so I stopped discussing things with my Mum and didn't tell her when we were doing any treatment. A few weeks ago I got to surprise them, and it felt as it should be. So there is hope, you may just have to lay down the rules for your parents in law.

Good luck with it all.

I agree with alot of what Briggsy's girl has said. While its dissapointed you that he has let the secret slip to his mum, he probably felt like he needed to talk to someone about it. Its hard for us females ttc when our bodies are controlling the majority of the process, and we tend to forget about how our partner is feeling about it all. In a way its nice to have someone special like your mum or MIL knowing about it, as then they know the extra special effort you guys have had to go to, to have a child and to provide them with grandbabies. Also I dont know what your MIL is like, but it may be nice for you to have someone else rather than just your DH to talk to about the whole process. I can understand your feelings totally but remember both you & DH need as much support as you can get.

We kept our IVF journey to ourselves for the reasons you mentioned. We watched friends of ours being scrutinised and wanted the journey to be as similar to the natural one as possible. I always said we wouldn't run around saying how many times this week we DTD, so why go in to the details of the IVF?

I would have been furious too. But as they others have said maybe he just needed someone to talk to.

Is it possible that now that she knows you're doing the IVF you could just leave it at that, and not discuss any more details? We didn't tell anyone we were pregnant until at least after we'd seen a heartbeat.

As far as support for you both goes, do you know any friends who are doing IVF? We were lucky enough that close friends of ours were doing it at the same time and also playing their cards close to their chest, but we shared with each other. Would your DH join BB or perhaps another IVF support forum?

I know what you mean about not getting that thrill of the surprise, but you can also choose not to know the gender and when labour starts will also be a surprise too :)

GL