The birth of Leila

Finally I think I am ready to write my birth story. I was so excited and ready to meet my little girl and couldn't wait for the magical experience of giving birth to her. Unfortunately, things didn't quite go as planned and after my emergency c-section I felt immense disappointment, as though I hadn't really given birth to her at all. Writing a 'birth' story when I felt I hadn't even given birth didn't seem to make any sense but now, however, I realise that I did give birth to my little girl and I would like to share my birth story with you.

18th October - Due date! Absolutely nothing happening so decide to do a 4km charity walk hoping that all the walking would help move things along. No such luck, baby appears very happy inside her mumma and people comment that although I'm very big I'm still carrying high and the baby probably wont come just yet.... "sigh"

Over the next week or so I wake every day disheartened that I am still pregnant - I'm so desperate to meet my little baby and wonder why she doesn't want to come out! At 8 days over I go to the hospital for monitoring where they tell me that baby is engaged but still very happy and has lots of fluid so I should just go home and relax and come back in a few days for more monitoring. I joke that I wont be back for monitoring, that I'll have the baby before then! For some reason I think I am funny.... So a few days later, on Thursday, I am back at the hospital for monitoring! This time they do an internal and tell me that my cervix is about as far away from being ready as it possibly could be and that they are going to insert something called Cervadil to ripen it for me and that I'll have to come in on Saturday to have my waters broken as I'm almost 2 weeks overdue now and baby needs to be born. I feel relieved knowing that my baby is not too far away and joke, once again to the staff that I'll be in before Saturday!

Thursday afternoon 29th October I go home with the Cervadil in and wait for something to happen. I go for a walk and feel fine. I get home and try to relax. Hmmm, that's weird I thought, my back is really sore. I wonder what I have done to make it sore or if it is just pregnancy related, it's around 5pm. Oh well I'll just rest I thought. Nope, this back ache wont quit so I go and get a heat pack still wondering why my back is so sore. I tell DH that I don't feel too well and that my back is killing me. He gives it a rub but it just makes it worse so I keep the heat pack on. Time goes on and my back is REALLY sore! I still don't understand why. At around 8pm I decide to go to bed as I'm in too much pain to do much else. I take some panadol and hope it will help so I can get some rest. Can't rest, pain is getting worse. It's coming in waves and getting stronger. DH asks if he thinks I'm in labour. I don't know I say, I'm not getting any contractions just this terrible pain in my back that seems to get worse for a bit then eases (but is still really painful throughout ie contstant pain) then gets worse again and so on. I try sitting in different positions, I walk around, I use my fit ball, I keep reheating my heat pack. Nothing helps and I wonder how I can deal with this pain and wonder why it is so bad - am I just a wimp I wonder? Whatever the case it doesn't feel right so I call the hospital at around midnight. They tell me it sounds normal and that I should try and get some rest as they wont be breaking my waters until Saturday. REST!!! Are they kidding, I'm in agony, how on earth can I rest? They say if the pain gets too much I can come in and they will give me some pain relief but really for now I should just go to bed. Now I feel like a drama queen. I always thought I had a reasonably high pain threshold and was looking forward to a labour without drugs, maybe just some gas. So was I in labour or was I not in labour, I still didn't know. I tell DH to go to bed and get some rest, there is no need for both of us to be awake. DH sleeps and I pace the house in agony trying everything I can think of to try and get some relief. I want to pull the cervadil out as I know this is what is causing me so much pain, but I don't. Then it suddenly occurred to me that I'd hardly felt my baby move! All of a sudden I thought "this is all wrong! this is not how it is supposed to be, something is really not right" I call the hospital at 3am and tell them I am coming in, I'm in agony and I need to know that my baby is ok.

Friday 30th October, 3:30am we arrive at the hospital. 2 midwives are assigned to me, a senior mw and a junior mw. To them it is just routine stuff so they take me to a room to hook me up to a monitor so they can check the baby, reassure me that everything is ok then send me home. Senior mw leaves junior mw to it. She puts her hand on my belly for some time, I ask her what she is doing and she says she is counting contractions and that I have just had 4 in 10 minutes. Amazing I thought, I had no idea I was even having contractions! I still have nothing but intense back pain. She tries to figure out what position the baby is in but she is confused, she thinks she can feel the back and is satisfied with that as baby is head down & engaged so that is her main concern. I'm hooked up to the monitor and mw walks out of the room. DH yells to her that they had promised me some pain releif and that I needed a heat pack (god love him!) she returns with a heat pack and panadine forte. She looks at the monitor then sits down and watches it for a while. Seniore mw returns and asks how it is all going, juinior mw asks her to look at the monitor. I'm told that my baby is a little bit unhappy right now and they'll need to leave me hooked up for a while so they can monitor her. Unhappy? I wonder what the hell that means. Pain is still intense and continues to become more intense. They give me an internal and tell me I'm about 1/2-1cm dialted. They reassure me that this is actually good considering how unripe it was earlier in the day. Pain gets worse although I don't know how this is possible as it has been so extreme for so long. I look at the monitor and realise that it is also measuring my contractions and they are getting closer and more intense. both mw stay in the room hardly taking their eyes off the monitor. I'm exhausted, I'm in pain and I'm terrified that my baby is not coping well. Contractions are again intensifying although I still feel nothing at the front, just back pain that is so bad I can't actually move. Senior mw looks at me and the monitor. She walks towards me with a syringe and asks if I'm anti drugs - not any more I say! She jabs me with morphine then with an anti-nausea drug.

Senior mw leaves then returns. 2 doctors follow and they too look at the monitor and quietly talk amongst themselves. They too tell me that my baby is unhappy and that I'll be having the baby sooner rather than later. They think perhaps I'm dehydrated and that administering a drip will help. Mw tries to insert it but misses the vein.... dr tries and she too misses the vein. second dr tries and attempt number 3 is successful, thank goodness! Doctors decided they need to move things along and break my waters, they can feel baby's head well engaged, this is a good sign they tell me. Water goes everywhere and contractions intensify further, unfortunately morphine still hasn't kicked in. Contractions are on top of each other, I'm getting no break whatsoever and I have 4 medical staff watching over me, staring at the monitor and telling me that my baby is unhappy. Will this ever end I wonder!! Mw tells me to suck on the gas during contractions but it does nothing, to be honest I don't even know when to suck on it! So much pain all the time, I need to look at the monitor to tell me when I'm having a contraction as I'm still not really aware of them (sounds silly I know but to me it was just constant agony). They do another internal.... I'm only 2cm. That's it they say, this can't go on any longer, your baby needs to be born now they say firmly and tell me I'm not ready to deliver her naturally but they can't wait, it's too dangerous, my baby is extremely distressed. I'm given something to stop the contractions and whisked off for an emergency c-section.

6:39am Leila is born. She doesn't make a sound. The room is quiet and DH passes out. I look around for reassurance and ask somebody, anybody if my baby is ok. Where is my baby I ask, why isn't she crying, is she ok!!! Someone softly replies that she is just fine but needs to be cleaned up. I'm confused and exhausted, I don't really know what is going on. There are people working on me and people working on Leila but I still don't hear her. Finally.... a little cry and everyone starts to relax. Mw exclaims that Leila was posterior which is why I had so much back pain! Finally my baby is brought over to me for our first cuddle. She is wrapped and still quite blue. They take her from me after only a minute or two and tell me I can see her again when I get to the post natal ward. DH stays with Leila while I get sewn up and go to recovery. Seems like forever but finally I go to the post natal ward and get to cuddle my gorgeous baby girl!

Details - Apgars 5,8,9
weight - 3.68kg
length - 51cm
HC - 34cm

Thank you for reading my story. I look forwad to writing another one about a VBAC in the future ;)

:clap::clap::clap: well done to you!!!!
Thanks for sharing your story.

wow you did so well and for so long! Good work! loved reading your story! you should be very proud of yourself!

I will admit tho i had to have a little giggle at the part where DH passes out! i thought that only happenend in the movies!

Congratulations, what a great story :clap:

Good luck for your future VBAC ;)

oh fi, you made me cry :hug:

I look forward to reading your VBAC in the future too
xxx

Thankyou for sharing your story.

she here she is healthy in the long term thats what matters :)

well doen on getting it all out...

Congratulations and thanks for sharing your story.

Just another reminder to always trust your intuition.

Sounds like it was a bit scary there for a little while. So happy you are both ok.

Congratulations :D

Well done darling...you did an amazing job! I had a giggle too when your DH passed out! Hope he was ok!
:hug: Thankyou for sharing :hug: x

Congrats! Well Done. I really hope you get your VBAC too.

Dear fi,
what a lovely story .. you did give birth, however it happened. YOU had a birth experience and you met your DD. Your experience was YOURS and YOURS alone but thank you so much for sharing it. it was lovely to read and i was holding my breathe for you. I also have to admit i giggled when DH passed out. Congrats on your beautiful baby and yes, i also look forward to your next experience, whatever that might be.
jillbaby

congratulations on the arrival of your little girl!!

thank you so much for sharing your story! she is just beautiful!

wow thanks for sharing hope u get a vbac next time

I think you did a wonderful job in the situation you were in. Just because Leila didn't come out of your tummy quite the way you expected doesn't mean you didn't birth her. You grew a gorgeous little girl in you tummy and then brought her safely into this world. You should feel extremely proud :)

Oh, and until you're ready to have "the" chat with her about where babies come from, you can always tell her that she came out of your belly button ;) Hehe.

Thanks girls, I'm glad you enjoyed my story.

Must admit, looking back it is pretty funny that DH passed out!! Midwife even took a photo of him on the floor :rofl: